"Mothering Moments" - new weekly live series on YouTube starts today!

In the video below, I announce a new weekly series called "Mothering Moments," which I hope do live every Friday at 10 a.m. MST on my YouTube channel. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes.

Today's topic - well, you'll have to tune in to find out! 😄 I am looking forward to it, as it is something I have been wanting to address for a long time.

You can also leave topic suggestions on any of the "Mothering Moments" videos (there's only one so far...), here on my blog, or on my FB page.

I hope to see you at 10!

Follow me on YouTube!

In an effort to share more videos on YouTube to make up for my lack of blogging these days, I am starting to use my YouTube channel. To subscribe, please click here and then click the red "Subscribe" button at the top right.





Here's my first video blog:





Coming up next: a video tutorial of how I make my new (einkorn) artisan sourdough bread. Stay tuned (and don't for get to subscribe).

Q and A

You can watch the recording of yesterday's Q & A below:





Thank you to all who sent in questions and tuned in.

Q & A: Young mom of many kids struggling with doing it all

Hi Zsuzsanna,

Could you please please please include in your homeschooling series how you schedule other things into your day? Like cooking and cleaning? What are your priorities? How do actually do all this? What kind of meals do you make or when in the day do you cook? 

I am pregnant with my fifth and will have five under five next year. I have started homeschooling and am overwhelmed.

Right now I have two children in nappies that need changing, one has spilled milk on their church clothes, breakfast plates are everywhere (they are eating as I type this), crumbs are everywhere, the dishwasher is unstacked, lunch hasn't been organised (God knows what we're eating after morning service, that's if I even get there since their church clothes need changing again), laundry hasn't been put away. My floors are grimy, the toilet needs cleaning etc.

My kindy student is getting an education alright, but at the expense of other things...e.g. meals made from scratch, porridge for dinner etc

The only reason why I'm online right now is so I can type this comment, and see if anyone else out there is struggling too.

If you have addressed this could you please provide a link?

Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Emmy

Dear Emmy,

I really feel for you as you go through this difficult season. When my oldest was five, I only had three kids, and that was plenty hard.

 My words of advice are:

- Don't do it all. Many things have to be neglected, the tricky part is knowing what to neglect. I read in a book that there are four categories of things competing for our attention: 

urgent and important, 

urgent but not important, 

not urgent but important, 

not urgent and not important. 

We are all great at tending to the urgent and important (like  a diaper blowout), but many of us tend to respond to urgent but unimportant (like a social phone call) before tending to the not urgent but important (like brushing your children's teeth). By doing so, the non-urgent but important issues pretty soon become urgent and important, but we could save ourselves a lot of time and trouble by addressing them before they become urgent. Always choose non-urgent but important over urgent but non-important. Does that make sense? Also, some chores are better neglected than others, because they don't compound while undone. For example, a floor that hasn't been mopped for two weeks still takes just as long to mop as if you did it every day. Laundry neglected for two weeks - not so much! Neglect the forgiving chores first.

- Simplify your life as much as you can. To simplify meal planning and cooking, make a list of the most common meals your family likes, and stick it to the fridge for when you are out of ideas. Have a list of simple meals that can be thrown together with staples you always keep on hand. Planning like this requires an initial investment of time, but it will pay off in the future (falling into the important but not urgent category). Use a slow cooker that you can get going in the morning and have dinner ready at night, freeing up your afternoon for errands or other outings. Cook a double batch for dinner and use the leftovers for lunch the next day (I have been doing this for years). Nothing wrong with simple meals. Porridge is fine for dinner for the kids, and if your husband minds you could just make a big meal a couple of times per week and serve that to him at dinnertime over several days. Have paper dishes and cups on hand for busy days, and use them. Other ways to simplify are to radically pare down the kids' toys (less messes and helps them be more creative with what they have), cut out outside obligations/voluteering, use the easiest possible curriculum that requires the least input from you, etc. At this stage of homeschooling, you could really just get by with teaching your oldest to read while sitting on the sofa feeding the baby, reading lots of books with him, involving him in the housework/cooking/childcare, and letting him observe and explore the natural world in the yard or a park. Basically, go into survival mode and become a minimalist. It is very freeing, and you'll find that you will get more done because you are not demotivated before your day even starts.

- Enlist the help of others. Maybe there is a single or childless lady in your church or social circle who would love to come over and help out (for free, but she'd gain much experience). Maybe an older lady might enjoy helping you with laundry or cleaning every week. Maybe your husband or a grandparent can make a set time each week when they take all the kids off your hands - my husband does this every Tuesday morning and it makes such a huge difference! Don't be shy about asking others for help. If your finances allow, you could hire someone to come and clean, but I realize this is not an option for most of us.

- Get a head start. Whenever possible, get up before your family does, get dressed, read your Bible, and plan the day ahead. Ever minute you can get on your own without interruptions is worth 10 minutes later in your day.  Life goes through stages and this is not always possible, especially when pregnant, but this is a great sanity saver when you can take advantage of it.

- Have a pattern for your day. I shy away from minute-by-minute schedules because they can quickly lead to frustration when something unexpected happens and you get behind. I have certain anchor points in my day, such as ready for the day by 9 a.m., lunch around noon and naps by 1 p.m., dinner at 5:30 and bed by 7 to 9 (depending on the ages). I have certain days set aside for errands and outings. but I generally avoid shopping after nap time or on the weekends because stores are busy and tempers run high, making everything take longer. To read my previous posts on scheduling, please click here.

- Enforce naps and bed times. Naps are moms' link to sanity. By having these times to count on and yes, look forward to, you will make it through the stickiest moments in your day. In our house, all kids age 5 and under take a midday nap. I learned this from my Grandma who raised six kids, and my mom who had five. Sure, there are those kids who will fight sleep, but remember, sleep begets sleep. And while you cannot force someone to fall asleep, they can be made to lie still, close their eyes, and not get up - which is just as good as sleep itself, and often makes them fall asleep in the process. The earlier they go to bed, the later they wake up the next day, no joke. If you have really early sunrises in the summer, hang a blanket over their window to block the light at 5 a.m. Never wake a sleeping child unless a foreign army is marching toward you, your house is about to be struck by a hurricane, or you are in some other deadly peril.

- Breastfeed. I say this with some reservations, as I certainly don't want to make anyone feel bad who cannot nurse their child, nor am I implying that your kids are not a blessing. My point is that by exclusively breastfeeding your children without a schedule and without stuffing them under a hot blanket, your hormones would prevent you from becoming pregnant so close together, which of course makes your workload a lot harder and is a major drain on your body.  On the flip side, remember that when your kids get old enough to really help out around the house, you will go from no help to having a whole team of helpers virtually overnight :)

- Take care of yourself and your marriage. I realize this can be hard to accomplish. Much of your down time will have to happen while you do other things, such as reading while feeding the baby, running errands without kids, browsing FB after the kids are in bed while you make breakfast for the next day, and such like. If everything hits the fan at once, secure the kids in a safe spot where they cannot hurt themselves or each other, and do what you need to do. Don't hold off on using the bathroom, brushing your teeth, taking your vitamins, or doing some other little thing that doesn't take long but will nag away at you subconsciously if neglected. Invest time and effort in your marriage, and realize the best gift you can give your children is happily married parents.

- Be realistic. This is just a phase. They are just kids. This too shall pass. Try to see the humor in things. Realize messes matter little in the scope of things, but how you react to obstacles will shape your little people for a lifetime. Do your best and leave God to take care of the rest.


Readers, if you have more advice, please share it in the comments below.

Reminder: Live Q & A this afternoon!

This time, I ask that you send in your questions either through the comments section in the live stream, or by texting them to a number I will announce at the beginning of the event.

(Note: This number will not have any call-in capabilities. It is being set up for texting in only, for this event. It is not my cell phone number.)

Upcoming Live Q & A

For those of you who enjoy the live Q and A sessions I do every few months, I am excited to announce another one! It will be streamed live next Wednesday afternoon, April 22nd, starting at 2 p.m. MST.

This time, I ask that you please submit your questions primarily through the chat feature on the video, as I did not get around to answering any of the live questions last time.

If you have a pressing question, but will not be able to tune in next week, please leave it in the comments below. I will try to answer it, but will give priority to those coming in during the live stream.

Below are my previous Q and A sessions:

Upcoming Question and Answer Session

Do you remember my most recent Q & A Session, which was streamed live through YouTube? Well, guess what - I am doing another one! :)

To submit a question for me to answer, please leave it in the comments below. In addition, I will also be taking as many questions as I can from those submitted live during the event in the comments feed.

I hope you will be able to join us!

Video Recording of Q & A session

Well, that was fun! :) If you missed it live, you can watch it here:

We did go into overtime, thanks to Boaz sleeping longer than expected, and being so cooperative after he woke up.

And hey, was that a sweet intro/outro or what? My husband surprised me with that. :)

So, whaddayaallthink? Should we do this again sometime? Please share your feedback below.

Reminder - live Q & A session this afternoon!

For more details, please click here.

Another Q & A - with a twist!

My previous Q & A posts have always been popular, and I really enjoy doing them. The reality, however, is that writing up answers and posting them in a blog post is very time consuming, and I don't get to do them as often as I would like. 

Sooooo, I thought of a fun and much faster way to do this. I will be hosting my first (and possibly only!) LIVE Q & A session. It will be streamed through YouTube on my husband's channel next Tuesday, November 18th, from 2-3 p.m. Mountain Standard Time.

To submit a question for me to answer, please leave it in the comments below. In addition, I will also be taking as many questions as I can from those submitted live during the event in the comments feed. If you submit a question here, but will not be able to watch the session live, you can still get the answer on the video recording which I will put up on the blog to view later. Does this all make sense??!? 

Hope you will be able to join us during that most restorative of all hours - nap time!  

Q & A Answers, part 2

Here, at long last, is the second part of the most recent Q & A. To read part 1, please click here. The third and final part is still coming.

Growing up, I was taught the pre-trib rapture. After looking at scripture with my husband, I've come to realize how false it is. I can see why people want to believe in in because knowing my children may live through terrible persecution scares me when I allow myself to think about it. How do you deal with this? Just not think about it?

 

I think the most important thing to realize is that safety is of the Lord. Our primary concern must be to be right with God, so that He will be able to bless and protect us regardless of our circumstances. So the most important "prepper" aspect is to fear the Lord, not man, and then realize that whatever He allows to happen is His will. "Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer" ...

 

Beyond that, I do think it is always wise and prudent to acquire lost skills in self-sufficiency, and keep a food store beyond just the average 3-day supply. There are many reasons this could come in handy, such as a loss of income (could be due to job loss, illness, or death of the bread winner), price fluctuations based on availability, natural disaster, etc. Having a 6-month supply of the major staples will allow for time in adjusting to changing circumstances. This is especially critical for a large family, where there are many mouths to feed.

 

I've always wondered about children getting saved. I've heard many stories about people who thought they were saved when they were young, only to find out they were wrong. But, at the same time, I wouldn't want a child to grow up doubting his salvation just because he was young. How do you know a child has grasped the gospel?

 

Great question! I think where a lot of the confusion comes from is that there are many who, on the one hand, teach salvation by grace through faith alone, not works, even as they talk about how one must turn from their sins in order to be saved, or at least be willing to. This is often falsely referred to as "repentance." While repenting of sins is something every Christian should always strive to do, and while repenting of unbelief or false religion is an integral part of getting saved, it is heresy to say that one cannot be saved unless they give up XYZ the sin.

 

Others teach that if one is truly saved, there will be tears, crying, and strong emotions. I read the testimony of the wife of a missionary a few years back who had grown up in church her whole life, but as an adult for many years still struggled with doubting her salvation, because she agonized over not having gotten saved with enough feeling or sincerity. Not until she had asked Jesus to save her, while feeling completely broken (I am paraphrasing), was she sure of her salvation. To be sure, she had understood all along that salvation was through believing on Jesus, and she DID believe on Him. My take is that she was either saved all along, or that if she thought she had to add a certain amount of emotion and tears in order to truly be saved, she still is not saved because she must not understand that believing/faith is ALL it takes.

How do you deal with (1) whining/complaining, (2) arguing with parental directions, (3) poor attiudes (sulking, etc.) in response to chores, food, parental decisions, etc., (4) tantrums.

All of the above are a lot easier to avoid, than to deal with. We do not permit whining, complaining, arguing, sulking, tantrums, sibling fighting, rudeness, etc. We avoid them by teaching why such attitudes and behaviors are wrong, and then punishing them if they occur. As a result, these episodes are few and far between, to the betterment of every member of the family.

I love having my children with me in church services. Do you or your congregants do anything to help new families whose children may be a little rambunctious? Like, do you have coloring books or anything for toddlers? I am very opposed to any church that makes children go to junior church or the nursery but have seen some parents so embarrassed by their children in the service, I doubt they would ever come back. I have my hands full with my own little ones but would love to help and just wondering what you do. Thanks!

No, we do not offer coloring books or anything like that. For babies and younger children, we have two rooms for parents to step out into with their child, while still being able to see and hear the service. Older kids usually look around the room at everyone else and realize that they are supposed to be quiet and listen. This really has never been a big problem for visitors at our church.

My question is, what DVDs (if any) do you allow your children to watch?

We try to limit media use in our house, including watching DVDs etc. on the computer. The ones we watch are almost exclusively documentaries. I also like to show them German kids shows that talk about how stuff is made, to practice their language skills.

My question is, how do you modestly put your daughter in a 5-point harness carseat. We have all boys, but if we have girls they will wear only long skirts and long dresses. I have often wondered how you buckle the 5-point harness carseat without showing the little girls undergarments and without completely wrinkling her dress.

I have never found this to be a problem, because unless they are wearing a pencil skirt (which they never do), there is more than enough fabric to keep them modestly covered while buckled. That being said, little children are notoriously immodest, as evidenced by any 2-year old who will just walk into the family room stark nude after triumphantly removing all their own clothes. Obviously, all the older kids have often seen the younger kids in their birthday suits because of this, so I am not worried about them catching a glimpse of their little sister's thigh while she is riding in the van. Since I never iron the kids' clothes, I am not worried about them getting wrinkled ;)

 

 

Dear Mrs. Anderson, I know that you are a proponent of bed sharing from your blog and have mentioned before having several children in bed at once. I would love to hear your ideas for tandem co-sleeping. My son will be 22 months old when our next baby is due and I would love to continue to sleep with both of them. My husband's work schedule can be erratic as he works on-call several times weekly so he is unable to be consistently available for night time parenting. 

 

I do NOT recommend tandem co-sleeping with two children. Young children are not as aware of their surroundings in their sleep as adults are. For example, you can carry a sleeping toddler from the car to the house, change their diaper and clothes, and put them in bed, and they will never wake. Try doing that to an adult, and they will immediately wake, unless they are inebriated (in which case they should not be sleeping next to a baby or young child.

 

If you absolutely must have two kids in bed in order to get any sleep, the only recommendations I can offer are: get as large a bed as possible, push the head and one side flush up against a wall and add a bed rail on the other side, sleep in the middle yourself, with one child on either side of you. This will prevent anyone from falling off the bed on the sides, while you are there blocking one child from rolling on top of another.

 

Hi! You have already answered my question in the past concerning miscarriage, but I have a new one. It is more of a what would you do type of question. My husband and I would love to have more children, but last year, we lost 3 babies very early in the pregnancies (my first email was the first time) My question though is concerning intervention. Where is the line with intervention? My midwife suggested progresterone suppositories to see if that would help. I have no problem with conception, God has given life, but maintaining the pregnancy seems to be a problem for me. Is "helping" my body keep the pregnancy interference in God's will? From what I read, the progesterone will not "make" me keep a pregnancy, just help sustain it. Thanks for your opinion, Erin from Ohio 

 

I absolutely think that any treatment that restores normal health is not just permissible, but should be highly recommended. So while I would shun fertility treatments that are unnatural such as IUI, IVF, egg donation, surrogacy, etc. I see nothing wrong with supplementing or adjusting your hormone levels if they are out of balance. Many ladies have had great success using progesterone in early pregnancy, and I have heard that the suppositories are a lot more effective than creams.

 

Q & A Answers, part 1

Thank you, everyone, for the many great questions. I enjoy getting them, and being prompted to think.

I apologize that this post is long, and contains no pictures. Hopefully the formatting will help make it more readable. 

Are your kids able to speak and read German?

They understand everyday German pretty well - well enough to tell them stuff in public I don't want others to understand :) They also read and speak German, though not nearly as good as English. My goal this summer is to only speak German with them at home, when it is just us, so that by the end of summer they can read actual chapter books in German, not just easy stuff. Of course, we have not been true to this goal as much as we should be, but are definitely talking German at home on a daily basis.

I'd love to know more about how to have eliminated teflon from your kitchen. I'd love to do this too, but I use my electric skillet and griddle all the time because I can fit more food for my family on these items (thereby saving time). So, how do you make pancakes (or something similar) in a timely fashion for such a large family?

I use mostly stainless steel pots and pans, as well as baking sheets, though I am adding more and more cast iron skillets, too.  Until this purchase, I had been using two large frying pans at the same time for making pancakes, but am totally in love with my new stove-top cast iron griddle. It cranks out 8 pancakes at a time!

In order for food not to stick in stainless steel pots, the trick is to heat the pot or pan without any butter in it first. Once the pot is hot, add butter, allow to melt, and then add the food. Hot pan + cold butter = non-stick

I think you mentioned once that you have purchased organic mattresses. This is also something we are considering. I'd love more information! 

Mattresses in America are just awful. I think the regulations stipulate that in order to be considered fire safe, they must be able to not ignite for at least 90 seconds of being torched with a 2-foot wide raging flame. Whaaaat? The concern in conventional mattress is not just the flame retardant used on them, but also the chemicals with which the foam or latex is processed. The two interact rather horribly with one another, and the deadly off-gassing is most likely one of the major causes of SIDS. We purchased our mattresses from a local store called EcoClean, and have been very thrilled with them. They currently do not seem to carry the particular brand we bought at the time. We had to wait almost 2 months for them, as they were being manufactured out East by some Amish people. 

Do you do something natural in place of food coloring (for birthday cake icing or easter eggs)? 

Yes, food-based natural food colors. I buy mine at Whole Foods, but these are also great, as are these sprinkles.

We live in Germany temporarily and I'm looking for German toys or games for our kids that can also be souvenirs. (We have several games already - Sagaland, Tempo Klein Fische, Nanu and Obstgarten.) Any ideas? 

 

Those all sound great. You can never go wrong with the "Spiel des Jahres" (Game of the Year) award winners. Ravensburger, Haba, and Selecta all make wonderful family and children's games.

What advice do you have for a girl who is expecting her first son after three girls? Is this a good opportunity to teach my daughters how to be a mother? How do I quell my son's rambunctious spirit as he gets older? I'm sorry, girls are so easy. I have never had a boy. I feel quite incapable right now.

You are very capable, and will do great. Your little boy will be much doted on by his big sisters!! Yes, definitely a good teaching opportunity. There is no need to quell any rambunctious  spirit - boys will be boys, as you will soon discover. Having a boy is very different from having a girl, but no less wonderful. You will soon have a very protective admirer!

Would you let any of your children (daughters included) go to college? 

By the time our children are college-aged, they will no longer be minors, so this is not a question of us "allowing" them to go to college - that would be their decision. However, it is our hope and goal to teach them that college is overrated and worthless, and that working hard and consistently will advance a career much faster than getting a degree. Our daughters will hopefully have learned that no college or career comes close to the blessing and privilege of being a wife and mother. It's like asking if I'm worried they will grow up and eat at McDonald's: I suppose it is possible, but when you are used to grass-fed steaks, that pink slime just doesn't hold any appeal. They CAN go to college if they want to,  but why would they?

Please note that I am NOT against learning. However, going to college and learning are not one and the same. Anything that is taught at college, one can learn on their own through reading or apprenticeship. Not  like going to college is a brain transplant - someone just stands in a classroom telling you things that are available elsewhere to learn on your own.

Of course,  some professions require college degrees. Should anyone want to pursue a career in one of them, it would be wise to utilize a private college, with no "diversity" training, and without incurring any student debt.

How do you pick your children's names?

We toss ideas back and forth until we find something we both like, and seems befitting the baby. We do not repeat initials of first names (Stephen was an exception because he is named after his dad, and we already had Solomon).

I have a question about the Trim Healthy Mama diet. I was wondering if you consider Stevia a form of birth control? I'd love to try the diet, but I've seen many women saying the sweetener messed up or stopped their cycle all together.I know you would never do use anything that would harm your fertility. I was thinking it might be that a woman would need very high doses, it's a myth, or you do without the sweetener all together. Thanks so much!

I had never heard of that until you mentioned it, and I am so thankful that you did. I did not feel good about using Stevia, so I used it rarely and sparingly. Even so, it made me have insane drops in my already low blood pressure, to the point where I would have tunnel vision, see black spots, and be on the verge of passing out. Clearly, some people are more affected by it than others. For me, even tiny amounts are too much to tolerate. Then I read with shock that stevia has been used by indigenous people as a form of birth control - YIKES!

So - no more stevia for me! I also do not use the erythritol or xylitol promoted in the book. The only sweeteners I can recommend are natural ones such as raw honey, coconut sugar, grade B maple syrup, etc. For the plan to work, these must be used very sparingly (I'd say no more than a tsp per meal), and only with E type meals.

I have always been wondering how and how often your church celebrates the Lord's Supper. I don't believe I have ever heard a sermon or seen a video on it from your church. Do the little children who are not saved yet able to partake in the juice and bread or it's ONLY for believers. I grew up drinking booze every Sunday at catholic church and since my pastor never says anything either way, I don't know what is truly proper.

Good question! We observe it just a couple of times each year. The passover was held once per year in the OT, so we don't think that the Lord's supper is something we have to do frequently. It is only for believers, so young children do not participate. We use unleavened bread, broken up, and pure grape juice. The leaven in both bread and alcohol is a picture of sin. Since the Lord's supper pictures the sinless body and blood of Jesus, it is free of leaven.

Zsuzsanna, I was wondering how to get one of your DVD's "After the Tribulation." I will pay for them, but I would like at least 3. I just don't know how to send a private message to you. You don't have to publish this comment if you don't want to, but maybe others would like to know also. I want to give one to our pastor and some others. Thank you. 

You can order them here. But be forewarned that your pastor is probably not going to be a fan. :)

Since you are against hormonal birth control, I was wondering how you felt about Natural Family Planning? My husband and I are trying for our first baby together (I have two from a previous marriage), and we're charting and watching fertility signs to know the best times for conception. My second child was born by an emergency C-section when his umbilical cord prolapsed, and most likely I'll have to have a repeat, due to the incision I had to have, so more children might not be in the cards for me. I'm not willing to go on hormonal birth control, but at the same time, I want the option for more children to be there, just in case.

I am against NFP for several reasons. For starters, the Bible tells us not to defraud our spouses except with consent for a season that we may give ourselves to prayer and fasting. Since I would not like to fast close to a week or more each month, I would not regularly ask my husband to go on a marital fast for that long, either. Secondly, the fertile phase in a woman's cycle is typically also the one during which she desires and enjoys relations the most - it would be incredibly harmful to make this the time where acting upon these desires is not permitted.

I took German in school and now since we homeschool our children I would like to start teaching them German this year. Do you have any curricula you would recommend?

Generally speaking, any resources purchased from Germany (I use amazon.de) that teach "German as a second language" are fabulous. Our kids all love the "Planetino" series.

What colour eyes do your children have?

Mostly brown, a couple are blue. 

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Thank you, everyone, for being patient with me as I answer these. I am hoping to publish the answers to the second half of questions in the next couple of days.

Questions and Answers

Please read on below for the latest round of questions and answers. Thank you for your comments, I enjoy hearing from you!

I know that you don't let your children watch television, but if there were a particularly interesting event of learning value during the London Olympics, would you let them watch it on your computer or no?

In general, yes, we occasionally allow our children to watch educational, newsworthy, or otherwise important clips on the computer. Think: documentaries and the like. None of us are much into the Olympics, however (as in, not at all), so I doubt we'll be watching any of that, simply for a lack of interest. If we were to, one requirement would be not to watch half-nude athletes.

Questions and comments

Though I do not get to respond to them as often as I would like to, I truly do love getting comments (well, most anyway), and answering questions. 

Of course, being a busy mother to six children, combined with my need for extra sleep while pregnant, I rarely have the time to thank everyone individually for their kindness, or respond to certain questions. But rest assured, your comments are much appreciated, and usually put a smile on my face! 

I will try, maybe once a week or so, to answer questions that pop up throughout the week in a separate post. For some reason, my "Q&A" label is not working correctly at the moment, but hopefully I can figure out why. (edited to add: I was able to get the issue resolved, and the new tag is now working)

Also, my apologies to those of you who have left (unpublished) comments with your email addresses, and specific questions you would like me to answer. You are not forgotten, I promise! 

Q & A answers, part IV

My apologies for still not having answered all the questions from the Q&A back in May. To see my previous posts on this, please click the Q&A label.

Q & A answers, part III

Please excuse me for taking this long to answer these. More to come still!

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Jessi said...

I forgot to ask this in my first comment, what do you think of only giving the rabies and tetness vaccination when kids are older. I am not vaccinating my kids but have thought of only doing thoes two. Kids could easily get bit by a lose dog with rabies, or step in a rusty nail.

I am not a medical professional, and cannot give any medical advice. We do not vaccinate against anything, but some people who do not vaccinate still do the tetanus shots. You will need to do your own research on this and come to a conclusion you can have peace about.

If our kids got them, deep puncture wounds would be cared for with hydrogen peroxide, and closely monitored for infection, but none of our kids has ever had anything like that. My husband stepped on an old, rusty nail once that went all the way through his boot, through his foot, and out the top of his foot. In spite of not being "up to date" on his "shots", the wound never got infected or anything because he was vigilant about treating it with hydrogen peroxide. The tetanus bacteria can only thrive in anaerobic conditions (such as deep wounds that scab on the outside before the inside is healed, with little to no exposure to oxygen in the air), which is why it is so important to use hydrogen peroxide on the wound.

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Anonymous said...

Dear Zsuzsanna,

can you recommend any good parenting book?

Thanks for your answer,

Babs

 

Hi Babs, without trying to sound like a smartypants, I must say, the Bible. Even if that were the only book I had in life, it would have the answers to all the important issues and questions. Besides that, most modern parenting books are just a joke. In fact, I am currently working on a blog post called "Unnatural Parenting", in which I am taking apart the whole "Natural/Attachment Parenting" trend. Not that I am at all against being attached to my children, this particular style of parenting is just misnamed. There have been a handful of books that I have gleaned bits and pieces from along the way, but no single one stands out. Readers, please share any suggestions you may have in the comments below.

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Kelsey said...

What would be the #1 piece of advice you would give to teenage girls striving to live a Christian life (especially to girls who do not come from Christian families)?

Hm, good question! How wonderful to know you are striving to live a godly life even if you yourself had a different sort of upbringing. I would say that you would do well to find godly examples (both in real life, as well as in the Bible), and pattern your life after them as much as you can. In other words, to have what they have, do what they do. And remember that with God's help, you can overcome any hurdles in your way. It will make it so much easier for your own children to live righteous lives if you start them out on the right path from infancy. Be faithful in the areas you have control over, pray about the rest, and God will bless your efforts. Best wishes!

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Anonymous said...

Not a question, however, I'd love to see more authentic German recipes in the future!

Thank you, I will keep that in mind. The metric conversion of the ingredients is always a real pain :(

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Muliebrity said...

You've said that the complications with Anna's birth have led you to believe that God is blessing your home births, but how can you be sure that that wasn't a warning for the future?

Well, it was only a single complication, not complicationS. I guess I don't look at it as God saying "Okay, here is a warning, don't have another baby or else!" We all could die any single day if it were not for God keeping us alive, and often have near misses. I don't look at those encounters as God warning me, either.

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Jessica said...

Are you against dancing? I know some Christians are.

No, not as long as it doesn't involve dancing with members of the opposite gender (my husband excluded, obviously), or is something sensual. You won't see me doing the Tango even with my own husband in public.

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Anonymous said...

Could you talk about how you discipline your kids? Tips on toddler management would be particularly appreciated. Thank you!

The most important bit of advice I can give on toddler management is this: win every battle. They need you to be a parent, not their psychologist or BFF. I'm not saying to micromanage them - most days, there is no reason why they can't pick what clothes to wear, for example. But if you say something, mean it, and enforce it. When you say "come", he/she needs to come right away. When you say "don't touch!", they ought not touch the forbidden item, and so on. If you are not willing to enforce the rule, it's better to not even say it, than to make a rule and then not enforce it. Also, never give them what they cry/whine for, unless you like listening to them whining and crying.

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jake said...

I would like to know why you believe that you will be rewarded in heaven for just taking Jesus as your savior. You said in an earlier post that you do not believe good works will get you into heaven.

I also don't understand why you only stay involved in church activities and never talk about outreaches for the homeless or helping out local charities/ groups to show gods love and kindness

I don't think I will be rewarded just for believing on Jesus - rewards are extra things we get for serving God. Salvation, however, is free, because the Bible says so.

And does helping the groups you mentioned through our local church somehow mean less than helping them through a national organization? 

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jankatcla said...

Love your Q&As! Here are a couple of questions that I would like to have answered:

1) Your written English is nearly flawless. How is your spoken English? Do you have an accent?

2) I believe you once said that you drive a minivan. With 6 kids, you must be about to outgrow it. Do you have plans to get a bigger vehicle?

3) Do you plan to encourage your kids to get a college education? What would you consider good career paths for them?

Thanks!

(1) I have a slight accent, but people can't necessarily put their finger on it and say it's German.

(2) Our van has 8 seats, so if we are all riding in it, all seats are taken up. If and when we outgrow it, I would LOVE to get a Dodge Sprinter, but that is rather quixotic. I hate the typical 12/15 passenger vans because they seem like death traps and are really, really uncomfortable.

(3) I am all in favor of "higher education", which is partly why we homeschool. However, I think modern colleges are more about social agendas and raking in tuition money than learning. Knowledge is available for free to anyone who wants it. These days, even to get a degree in something like engineering, one must sit through lectures on "diversity" and other garbage. Having a degree and being educated have little to do with one another.

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Q & A answers - Part II

Diana J. said...

I've been waiting for this!!! (1) How do you deal with picky eating? (2) What homeschool curricula do you use, and does it vary by child? And gosh, I've had so many other questions and now I've forgotten them! I'll have to try to recall them. :) 

(1) Hm... I put up with a little bit, such as not liking just a couple of certain foods. Each of our children has a few items that they just don't like, such as pickles, mustard, etc. But I don't allow the kids to not like many different foods (i.e. "I don't like eggs, strawberries, gravy, melted cheese, ..."), or to not like staples, such as "I don't like fruit". How do I deal with it? I try to prevent it by giving them lots of different foods when they first start eating. I also act like "Of course you want to eat that, it is so good!" if they seem unsure of what to think of a meal. If push comes to shove, I plain force them to at least try everything they are served that is a normal, everyday food.

(2) Every child is on their own level for Math and English (which includes reading, spelling, grammar, composition, and penmanship). I use Harcourt Math for all of them, and different curricula for each child for English as their learning styles differ greatly. For all other subjects, we use "Cantering the Country" together, but they each read books and do activities on their own level.

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Chilly said...

Lookikng back through your previous blog posts I saw a bunch about the grocery game. Are you still doing this? If so, I read something, somewhere, that there were people who combined coupons and sales to get stuff for free, which they would then donate to food banks. Is this something you do or have done in the past?

No, I no longer do, just because we switched to eating 100% organic foods almost two years ago. When I did, I only bought as much of something as we needed. If I got stuff for free and we didn't need it, I gave it to others in church.

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Anonymous said...

I'd love to see a tour of your house!

Unfortunately, we have a lot of mentally unstable people reading this blog, who like to write us menacing emails. For safety reasons, I will not be able to share such a "tour". 

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~SALLY~ said...

I know your husband has the "Repentance Black List" and am wondering the reason for this. My pastor is on it and I have yet to meet a man who studies, reveres and knows the Bible more than him. (No, we don't worship him...LOL!) The Bible does say to "Repent Ye and believe the Gospel". So, I am wondering why you are so strongly against Biblical Repentance. I believe that if one does not repent of their sin they are not truly saved...so what are your thoughts on this issue?

The Bible is clear that the only requirement for salvation is "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved". Repentance is never one time in the Bible equated with "turning from sin", a phrase never even found in the Bible. Repenting means changing, or turning. The person repenting most often in the Bible is God. If it meant turning from sin, it would mean that God sinned, which we know is not true. The only repentance necessary for salvation is to turn away from whatever else a person was trusting for salvation. For instance, a Catholic might have thought that good works was the way to heaven, but he repented and now believes it is all by faith. He was trusting works, and is now trusting Christ. It doesn't even make logical sense to say that repentance is turning from sins - nobody is trusting their sins to get them to heaven! To say that one must stop sinning, or at least give up some sins, in order to be saved is works salvation. 

Jonah 3:10  And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.

I could go on for much longer, but there is a ton of information on this on our church website, such as this sermon.

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Karen said...

Along with what Chilly wrote, I would like to know more tips about how you can afford to eat organic food at bargain prices, and what stores you frequent to get some of these deals. Thanks! 

We do not eat organic food at bargain prices. If we were eating conventional foods, I could feed us all on half of what we are currently paying, or even less. The post on this subject is almost finished, I promise!

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Albie said...

A couple personal ones, hope you don't mind!! I notice your girls in dresses. Do girls not wear shorts or jeans in your faith? Do you wear them? Ummm, trying to put this nicely...in your marriage and faith, are couples supposed to enjoy sex? Maybe to put it better, (since men always enjoy it) are women supposed to like it?

We do not wear pants of any sort, which includes shorts, except as undergarments for certain activities. I have nothing against denim, but I personally never wear denim skirts because they are so not flattering on me.

Women are certainly supposed to enjoy the marital act, which is why God designed it the way He did.

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Jessi said...

Yay another Q +A! I love pictures, so I was wondering if you could post some of your wedding and dating pictures? 

We do not have any wedding pictures because we eloped, and they wanted something like $40 for just one snapshot. No, I would not generally recommend getting married that way, but it was what was the most practical solution at the time. 

There are pictures of us dating, but that was before the digital age, so I'd have to scan them individually. Maybe I'll post those for an anniversary post. 

Here are a couple that were taken within the first month of us being married. The first, from a reception that our church had for us. The second, from portraits that we had taken in lieu of a wedding photo. Wow, I used to be young AND skinny. 

 

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Anonymous said...

How can I get my husband to lead his family spiritually. He works about 60 hours a week and all his waking hours at home are watching tv on the couch. I can't even get him to eat meals with us at the table. I am sure all I can do is pray and keep my attitude in check but I struggle with this because I just want so much more for my family. Any suggestions would be appreciated. 

The truth is: You can't. That is a decision he must make for himself. The more he feels pressured or cajoled, the less likely he is to want to do it. After all, who wants to be pushed into being a leader, when the whole point of being a leader is to decide for oneself what to do and when? I know this is frustrating.

Kids do not have to have a dad who sits at the table (my husband doesn't unless we eat in the dining room, but we prefer to crowd the kids around the counter, and he eats on the sofa), leads Bible time (my husband rarely does - it is me who reads the Bible to the kids most days. He already preaches to them in church.), or does whatever else  you think he should do. They need parents who love them and each other, and who are a unit rather than trying to undermine the other. You can teach the children from the Bible yourself, and make sure that the TV stays off when he is gone. If you are faithful in trying to do right when you are in charge of the kids' time, God will answer your prayers.

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Renee said...

(1) I know you are into healthy and natural living. Do you also use "green" cleaning supplies, toiletries (soaps/shampoos), etc? What is your approach to these kinds of things? (2) Are any of your kids anxious/nervous types? My oldest child has a tendency to get anxious and worry. For example, when I take him to swimming lessons, he worries if he doesn't see me the whole time watching him in case I may have left. Have you ever had to deal with this and, if so, what was your approach?

(1) Yes.

(2) One of our kids is very cautious, and worries about everything from eating healthy, to natural disasters, fire, and the like. We just try to be reassuring. They will grow out of some of it, and the rest is just a difference in personality and temperament.

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TheCanuck said...

1) What kind of music do you enjoy? Religious, secular, etc. 2) What do you think of the Westboro Baptist Church (the one that pickets the funerals)? I know you're not affiliated with them. Where do you stand on their theology? Their actions? 3) I recently attended a service where the pastor stated that married couples should not have sex when they cannot get pregnant, eg when the woman is already pregnant, has reached menopause, or if they cannot have children. Furthermore, it should be serious, with the focus on getting pregnant and nothing else. The gist of it seems to be that marital relations are just for procreation (I mean 100%), and not for strengthening the relationship of a couple. Where do you stand on this?

(1) Hymns, and classical music. I love to listen to my husband or Solomon playing the piano. The next three youngest kids are just learning to play the piano.

(2) I think they are freaks, and most likely undercover government agents with a goal to make people like us look bad by grouping us in with them. I think that everything they do is despicable. 

(3) Sorry to be negative yet again, but that pastor is sadly mistaken at best, and perverted at worst. There is no verse in the Bible to support his opinion. The Bible makes a point to tell us that Joseph and Mary did NOT have marital relations while she was pregnant with Jesus because that is what he had been commanded by the angel, because Jesus was to be born of a virgin. It obviously made the point of telling us that because normally, married people can and should engage in such actions.

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Spooky said...

I too am curious to learn more about your life in Europe and how you met your husband and how you like living in America. I hope I do not come across as nosy, I am just interested

I blogged about that here. 

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Andrea B said...

I would also like to know how you handle picky eaters... My son has roughly 10 things that he eats. It is NOT junk. Cheese/yogurt/apples/chicken etc. I do not allow him to "get full" with junk food. He is very polite when he turns down food and will even try new things. He just doesn't like anything else. I do not want to make eating a stressful time for him, but it's hard when he never eats our planned family meals. UGH! Thanks.

Well, as long as it's not total junk, and at least somewhat balanced (dairy, produce, meat), I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep encouraging him to try new foods. One thing that I have found helps a lot is to have kids help with the cooking, or to let them pick out something new at the store that they'd like to try.

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Leslye Romero said...

When do you stop nursing if it is not when you get pregnant? 

I have breastfed every baby until I got pregnant with the next. Then I encourage them to self-wean within about one to three months.

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Anonymous said...

Hair Is there a rule on how long it must be for the girls and how short it must be for your boys in your household?? And also do you think it's wrong for a women to dye her hair?? And How do you feel about makeup??

No set rules, just long for the girls and short for the boys. I do not think that dyeing hair or wearing makeup are sinful/wrong, but I don't do either, nor would recommend others do.

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Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot one - when you pray, is it in German or English? If German, do you use du or Sie for God?

I think, dream, and pray exclusively in English. If I were to pray in German, I would say du.

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Anonymous said...

1. What are your thoughts on pacifism? 2. If a new neighbor moved in next door and was a gay couple with a small child would you still witness to them? Would you allow your children to play with theirs? 

1. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. There is peace in heaven. Peace is a wonderful thing. I believe we should only engage in wars to defend our own country when under attack. I am against pre-emptive strikes, offensive wars (as opposed to defensive), and meddling with other countries' issues.

2. We would move.

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Anonymous said...

I know you believe in letting God determine the size of your family but what if subsequent pregnancies would put the mother's life in danger? Having faith is one thing but standing in the middle of the highway and saying you trust God not to let you get hit by a car is foolish, so would becoming pregnant after being told it could kill you. What is your opinion on this? 

Becoming pregnant is a natural life process that one has to make an effort to interrupt. Standing in the middle of a busy freeway is not. In fact, one would have to make an effort to do it, not to prevent it. Every single pregnancy puts the mother's life in danger. I don't really think well in hypotheticals.


To be continued...

Q & A - Answers, Part I

Karen R. said...

YES! ok...Thoughts on courting vs. dating and what you want for your children? -and- What age and how to tell the kids about the birds and the bees. (Anything biblical on this? I am already having cold sweats over this one!)

The whole "courtship" vs. "dating" debate is one of my pet peeves. In short, I believe that the purpose of dating is to find a spouse. Therefore, anyone too young to be thinking about marriage, or "disqualified" from marriage by a previous divorce, need not date.

I also believe that dating people should not be physically engaged other than normal, everyday gestures that they would be comfortable doing around anyone. My husband's advice is always: if you would not feel comfortable doing it with someone of the same gender, don't do it with the pposite gender. Physical intimacies are to be reserved for marriage only. Furthermore, I think young people would do well to only date either with other people present, or in a public place (i.e. meet at a restaurant for dinner, at a park, etc.)

As far as "courtship", to some people it means the same things as what I just called dating. Our job as parents is to function as a gatekeeper - we can control who is allowed within our boundaries, but obviously the child gets to pick whom they want to marry.

But as far as arranging marriages for our children - I am 100% against that. Any prudent child will seek the advice of their parents if they are godly Christians, but the decision and responsibility is theirs, not ours. Hopefully, if we as parents have done our job right, our children will know how to make important decisions on their own as adults. Parents should not control the lives of their adult children. I am also 100% against this new thing of "not falling in love until marriage". True, young people should guard their hearts, but they would do well to be in love with the person that they are wanting to get married to. To say otherwise is insanity, and will only lead to marital problems later on.

Birds and bees: I don't think we'll have some big, isolated "talk". Our kids ask questions here and there, and I answer them honestly and on their age-appropriate levels, using terms that I would feel comfortable about them repeating. It is not a shameful subject, only a delicate one, so I am not afraid of answering their questions appropriately.

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Anonymous said... Favorite scripture verse and favorite "Bible story," please.

My favorite verse is John 12:24: "Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." That one verse, for me, really sums up what life as a Christian mother is all about: dying to self for our children. I have thought long and hard about my favorite Bible story, but I really don't have one. I like both the books of Ruth and Esther a lot, and of course Psalms and Proverbs which I try to read daily. I like reading about all the things that Jesus said and did, and his miracles. How about my favorite hymn instead? It is "Be Still My Soul".

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Sarah said...

Brilliant I love Q&A posts! I would like to know how else you encourage your children in their faith. I would be particularly interested in any materials you use (I think I asked this in the 'One Year Bible' post) Thank you...looking forward to your post!

Hm, not really sure. I just try to be real with the kids. They know both of us parents have faults and are far from perfect, but they know God is real, and that we love Him and them and try our best. I just have faith that God will make up for our shortcomings and "fill the gaps". Our children love listening to sermons, holding their own preaching services, acting out Bible stories, making related crafts, and playing with their Bible felt set. They also earn prizes for memorizing Bible verses. For penmanship, Solomon is copying the book of Proverbs right now, and although he initially was not always excited about writing in cursive, he did enjoy getting the deeper understanding that copying the Bible gave him. He tells me stuff he learned from it all the time. I will have Isaac start copying a book of the Bible of his choosing next school year.


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Anonymous said..

Do you have any brothers or sisters? What did you think of college life for the short period of time you attended? How do you choose your children's names? Do you go on biblical significance or simply the ones you like the sound of?

I have two older brothers that have the same parents as I do. One is one year older than me, the other two and a half years older. I love and miss both of them, as I go for years without seeing them (or any of my relatives, for that matter, since they all live in Europe). Sadly, my parents divorced, and both remarried, so I also have a (half) sister and brother on my mother's side, and a stepbrother and two (half) brothers and one sister on my dad's side. Confusing, huh? My family tree is like a tumbleweed... 

College was interesting. I took cultural anthropology as my major, and political science and journalism as my minors. I did some things I regret doing or would not condone any more today, so "fun" didn't always equal "right", but overall I was one of the "good" kids and just enjoyed being a young adult and living in one of Europe's most beautiful cities (Munich), traveling, and living a carefree life. Being a mom is so much harder, but so much more wonderful!

We pick our children's names based on what we like, and think sounds nice and fitting. We usually toss around a few ideas while I am pregnant, and don't "name" the child until we settle on a name after birth. A couple of times, once the child was born, we picked something entirely different from what we had been considering (John, Anna).

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Deana said...

I have a question about polygamy, how would you tell someone it's wrong, from the Bible. I think it is wrong and disgusting, but just wouldn't know what Bible verses to refer to. If you could explain it please. 

Well, for starters, God gave Adam only one wife: 

Mat 19:4-5 (4) And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, (5) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 

I think that the only reason why some condone polygamy is because the Bible talks about people who had multiple wives. However, it is important to distinguish between the clear teachings of the Bible, and the stories. Just because the Bible records people doing certain things, does not mean that they were right in doing so.

I should add that today's wife-swapping (i.e. divorce and remarriage) is no better than polygamy. It means having multiple wives one after the other, as opposed to concurrently, but it is still against God's plan of one man, one woman, until death separates them.

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Liv said...

I'm wondering how much, if any, computer teaching you do with the children. Personally, I think it is highly unnecessary for children below high school age. Even then, I question the necessity. When you do introduce computing, what skills will you teach first? Typing, using a specific program, educational games....? 

I agree with you that young children should not spend much time on the computer, if any. That is one of the many reasons why we do not enroll our children in free public school online/distance learning classes, which are often wrongly considered home education. Kids, even in preschool, are required to spend hours a day in front of a computer screen.

So far, only our two oldest (who are 9 and 8) are allowed to use the computer, but it is rare. I don't even think that either one of them has even spent an hour total on the computer in the last month. Solomon learned how to type using a teaching software for kids. He likes writing stories on the computer, so I thought knowing how to type would help him. Isaac is just starting to learn typing. Other than that, I detest most "educational" games - they are just too loud and zany. We have "Rollercoaster Tycoon" and "Zoo Tycoon" for the kids to play on very rarely - they usually go months without playing at all, and then have a week of building on a certain project every day.

I will admit that the kids like to sneak off and play games on my phone, but that is a different story...


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Mikayla said...

I believe in God being in control of my family size, but something I have always wondered about is your stance on birth control, when you use co-sleeping to prevent your cycle so you can't get pregnant for around a year. It seems like that is still taking steps to prevent children. People who don't use this method have more children. Co-sleeping makes it so you have children when its more convenient for you, not just God giving you them when he sees fit. To me it doesn't seem much different than natural family planning method. Co- sleeping is purposely doing stuff just right, so your cycle doesn't return. I'm not tring to be rude or disagree. I really just would like to hear what you have to say about it, and if you have any Bible refences to back it up. 

Well, I wouldn't say that I use co-sleeping to prevent my cycles. That's almost like saying that I use breastfeeding to prevent my cycles. Obviously, if I wanted to, I could just feed the babies formula and have a baby every 9 months instead of every 2 years (give or take), but God designed breastfeeding as a natural way to space pregnancies at healthy, safe intervals. Allowing God to be in charge of how many children we have does not mean that I need to crank out babies like an assembly line, as long as I stay within the means He designed for naturally spacing pregnancies.

Anna right now only nurses once or twice a night, and usually snuggles up against my husband the rest of the time and only sticks her feet into my rib cage. My delicate milk supply would probably if I did not have her in bed, not to mention all the sleep I would lose. Many mothers would benefit similarly from having their baby in bed with them, and I think feeding our children enough, and having energy to care for the rest of the family, should be high priorities for moms.

As far as a Bible reference: I do not believe it is a Biblical mandate to have children sleeping in their parents' bed. That is just what works best for us. The Bible story that comes to mind is when a man goes to borrow bread from his friend at midnight, and his friend answers: "Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee." (Luke 11:7) Since the "friend" represents God in the story, I think God must be okay with cosleeping if that is how he portrays himself in this parable. 

All that aside, sleeping with my babies is one of the greatest joys of motherhood. I look forward each day to getting to snuggle up with my husband and baby every night after a long day of work.


To be continued...