Three is enough!

Or: I almost had her fooled into thinking my baby was cute.

So far, I have yet to take all seven kids out of the house, by myself. I think the most I have manged to go out with at one time is four, while my husband wrangles the ones staying home.

Of course, Stephen being so tiny, he is always with me. Invariably, people at the store ooh and aah all over him, especially if I am carrying him all snug in the sling. I like to make a point to tell random strangers that I have SEVEN children, even though they are not all with me, just for the sake of pushing the "pro large family" button again and again, and pushing back on the societal pressure to have few children.

Today, as I was checking out at the store with just Isaac and Stephen, the woman behind me in line was coming undone about how cute the baby was, all curled up against my chest and fast asleep, oblivious to the world around him. I'm guessing she was about 65 or 70 years old, and based on the bitter lines on her face, she hadn't exactly spent the majority of that time smiling (or even looking indifferent, for that matter). Yet here she was, happy about Stephen. 

Christmas in August

For your viewing pleasure and a little (okay, a lot) of comic relief, please enjoy this absolutely hilarious, albeit entirely extrabiblical, banter by none other than Dr. Jack Schaap.

Oh, I love this clip! It makes me laugh tears every time I watch it.

Flu Vaccine

A fun way to kill some time

This website is too funny. Here's a sample:

You sure have your hands full!

Does it bother you when you get that comment in public? It sure bugs me. You just never know what to say because yes, your hands probably are full holding a baby, pushing a grocery cart loaded to the brim, having to lug a purse the size of Texas, or whatever the case may be. But if you say "Well yes, they are" it is understood that you mean you don't want your hands to be full. If you say "No, they are not" it's probably not true, or the other person will think it's not really true.

Sometimes I just smile and don't say anything, and then people will try to fill the void by saying something positive like "... but that's a good thing." Other times I smile and say, "Yes, but I don't mind." Still, the comment bothers me, and maybe it shouldn't.

Here is a list of some funny comebacks I found on the internet for those of you who are more confrontational than me. At least I can daydream about using one of them in the future.

You have your hands full!

• Yes, happily so!
• Yes, and my heart too.
• Don't say anything, just look puzzled at your hands. (This does obviously not work if you are carrying a baby :-)
• Yes, but I would rather have my hands full than empty!

Are they all yours?

• No, this is not all of them, my oldest is at home with the triplets.
• No, a couple of them started following us a few minutes ago.
• No, I picked up a couple extra in the produce aisle.
• Wow, I never heard that question before!
• Of course they're all mine. Do you think I take six (or fill in your number) kids shopping for fun?
• YES!
• Yes, they are all ours. We have been married for 22 years, but only have 11 kids to show for it.
• No..........I have two more at home! (When it fits)
• Yes, and they're such good kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the kids love that one!)
• Of course they are..wait..who is that one?Hes not ours.....oh,yeah,#5,I forgot I had him.
• I don't know. How many do you count?
• Yes, and this one (pointed to my belly) is too.
• No. I've been an avid collector for years and just picked these up in the food court!

Are you going to have more?

• Why do you want to know?
• Well, not today.
• We are trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records of (add whatever here) most kids, largest family living in one house, etc.
• Yes, I always want just one more.
• Well, we do have a twelve passenger van.
• Check back in nine months and you'll see for yourself.

Don't you know what causes that?

• No, please tell me!
• Of course, don't you?
• Oh yes, we finally figured it out and we now keep the tooth brushes in seperate glasses!
• It's in the water. Would you like a glass?
• Yes and I know WHO causes it! God gave us these children!

Are you going to get fixed?

• Nope, I am not broken!
• Why do you want to know?
• Huh, we thought everything was working fine for us!?!
• We didn't know anything was broken.
• Don't you only fix things that aren't working properly?
• Well as you can see be the size of OUR family everything is in working order. :)(You have to say this last one with the kinda "I'm not to bright so your question seems kinda foolish don't you think?" attitude.

I can't believe how you do it, I cannot even handle my two!

• Yes, if I had kids like you, I wouldn't have any more either!
• Yes, you don't strike me as the type who could handle more kids than that.
• I put knobs on the kids. Makes them easier to handle.
• With lots of patience, patience, patience
• Go and look at them while they're sleeping. This reminds me of what sweet children of God they are and keeps me going!
• Oh, I just do it. Wake up in the morning, do what you have to do all day, go to bed when it's done.
• Oh, straight jackets and handcuffs!

Are you planning to have any more?

• I've been wondering about this and maybe you can explain it to me: I always thought you had to plan NOT to have more.
• Before we were married we planned on having 2, but I didn't know that my husband couldn't count!
• We didn't plan the first six, I don't think we'll plan the next six, either.

I hope you aren't planning to have anymore?!?

• Talk to God about it... it's up to Him.
• Well, we do have room in our van for 2 more.
• OK, I won't plan my next one. Surprises can be fun!
• Yup we are going to keep going till we get an ugly one.

Haven't you heard of birth control?

• Yes, and I thank God it doesn't always work!
• Yes, I've heard of it, I hope you are using it!
• Yes, that's great stuff for people with ugly kids!
• Oh yes, we do know what birth control is; it's for people who don't want children.

Don't you have a television?

• No, it's much funner watching the kids.
• No, we have much better things to do than sit around a little box all day.
• Television? What is that?
  

How can you afford having so many?

• Lifestyles are expensive not kids.
• We're not on welfare, in huge amounts of debt, and no, my husband is not a doctor or lawyer. We just budget well.
• I figure you spend what you make, you may as well spend it on more.
• " You don't know my financial backer!" (Our God, of course)
• I'm still not sure how we do it...but it works!

Look at that double trouble! (for twins)

• No, they are double blessings!

I am glad it is you and not me!

• Yes, me too!
• My kids are glad it's me and not you too! ;-)
• Oh me too! I love being a mother! and smile real BIG!
  

When people just keep staring at your family....

• No, we're not Catholic. No, we're not Mormon.
• Yes, they all are mine!
• No, we don't try to overpopulate the earth, just to outnumber the idiots!

A rose by any other name...

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE



GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE



THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS



SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME



ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY



ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT



SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z'S



A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

(I would like to add that this last one is totally not true for me, as my husband's mom is really wonderful!)

Creative Ways to Announce Your Pregnancy

You can tell what's been on my mind... but, it's never too early to start planning. I will have to have a plan all in place, because once I find out I am pregnant I just can't wait to let my husband know that day one way or another. I'm just not good at keeping secrets. Here are some funny ideas I found online:

1. Buy a baby rattle, baby booties, baby bottle, a bib and a small teddy bear. Tie them together with ribbon and hang them over the rearview mirror in your husband’s vehicle.
2. Hang a “Baby On Board” sign in your husband’s window.
3. Put a baby doll in the front seat of your husband’s vehicle, seat belt the baby in with a card of Congratulations.
4. Have a Parking Sign Made and put it in your driveway. “Pregnant Women Only” or “Dads Only”.
5. Rent a Stork yard sign – have them write on it “Welcome Home Daddy”
6. Post signs on the side of the road – on the route your husband takes home from work. Attach two balloons to the top. Write, Congratulations (name) you are going to be a Daddy.
7. Announce your pregnancy on a “Billboard” that is on your husbands way to work.
8. While your husband is taking a shower, go in and write on the mirror, “We Are Having A Baby” and a bunch of little hearts with your lipstick.
9. Have a Bath towel embroidered saying “Daddy-To-Be” and hang it on the towel rack.
10. Put Baby Shampoo and baby bath in your shower or by the bathtub.
11. Buy Pre-Natal Vitamins and put them by the kitchen sink or next to sink in your bathroom.
12. If your doctor writes you a prescription for prenatal vitamins, give the prescription to your husband and ask him to get it filled for you.
13. Wear a t-shirt that says, “Baby on Board” or “Baby due in ... (the month that you are expecting)".
14. Buy small baby toys and put them under your husband’s pillow and under the covers on his side of the bed. If he asks what’s going on, tell him he is going to get used to toys being around the house.
15. Put a baby diaper in your husband’s underwear drawer. Write on the diaper,”You are going to be a Daddy”.
16. Decorate a bedroom in you home with balloons, streamers and a Banner that says, “Future Baby’s Room” include your due date.
17. Buy a “Shhh..Baby Sleeping” Door Hanger and put it on the future baby room.
18. Play a game of scrabble and do your best to create all words pertaining to baby.
19. With a washable marker, write on your belly, “Hi Daddy”.
20. Wrap a ribbon around your belly area and put a bow on.
21. Buy a bag of Pink and Blue balloons and helium tank, blow them all up and have the pregnancy test wrapped around a ribbon from a balloon.
22. Put pink and blue balloons filled with helium in a large box with a pregnancy book. Wrap it up and give it as a gift to dad.
23. Put your Positive Pregnancy Test in a Card that says Congratulations.
24. Have a T-Shirt made, “Daddy-To-Be”.
25. Buy a glass jar and have them engrave “Daddy-To-Be” with your due date on it. Fill it with pink and blue M&M’s.
26. Buy a Key Chain that says “Daddy” on it and put it on your husband’s key chain.
27. Make a mini scrap book from the time that you met all the way to you getting pregnant. On the last page put a picture of a stork with your due date.
28. Have a Custom coffee cup made, “Daddy-To-Be” and exchange it for his favorite coffee cup.
29. If your husband is a cook, have an apron made that says, “Cooking for 3”.
    
30. Create a Dinner Menu that lists Drinks: Baby Formula, Baby Apple Juice, Appetizers: baby peas, baby carrots, baby green beans, baby squash, Main Course: Baby Back Ribs, Baby turkey, Baby Turkey Dessert: Applesauce, Teething biscuits ect and ask him what he wants for dinner.
31. Next time your husband asks you to get him a drink, fill a baby bottle up with his favorite beverage and hand it to him.
32. Bake your husband a cake and write “Congratulations Daddy” or “Daddy-To-Be”
33. Order a cake or large cookie announcing the news and have your husband go pick it up.
34. Order pizza for delivery and have them write “Daddy”, with your husband’s favorite topping.
35. Take your spouse to his favorite restaurant and have them put a little flag in his drink or in his dessert saying, “Congratulations! You are going to be a Daddy”
36. Take your husband to lunch or dinner and ask the hostess to bring a high chair to the table. When your husband asks what it is for: share the great news.
37. Make reservations at a restaurant for “3”, when your husband asks who else is joining you, just say they won’t be here for 9 months.
38. Prearrange with a restaurant, give them little plastic booties, bottles ect and have them put one in his drink, one on the appetizer plate, one on his meal plate ect. See if he can figure it out.
39. Go out to dinner and order more then you usually do and burst out with, “I am eating for two”.
40. Have fortune cookies made that say, “We are having a baby”.
41. Take your husband to the same place that he proposed to you and get down on one knee and hand him a bracelet box that has your pregnancy test enclosed.
42. Buy Baby Bibs that say, “I Love Daddy”, “I Love Grandma” or “I Love Grandpa” wrap them up and give it as a gift.
43. Buy Baby Booties, wrap them up and give it to them as gift with a card saying Congratulations.
44. Buy a Photo Frame that says, “#1 Daddy”, “#1 Grandma and Grandpa” or “#1 Aunt and Uncle”.
45. Have a picture taken where you are holding your belly, at the bottom of the picture write “Expecting a Miracle” and “Due Date”. Frame it and give it as a gift.
46. Go to the store and visit the baby department. Say to him, “Do you think we will be having a girl or boy in “The month you are due”?
47. If your husband reads the local newspaper daily, put an ad in the newspaper announcing your pregnancy.
48. If you know a police officer, have him stop by the house telling your husband he is under arrest because of an unpaid ticket – have the officer give his a ticket saying “Congratulations”
49. If you attend church on a regular basis, share the news with others and ask them to walk up to your husband and say “Congratulations” ONLY! Have your preacher come up and Congratulate him on being a Dad-To-Be.
50. At Christmas – Hang Stockings over the fireplace and have one just for “Baby”
51. At Christmas time. When you sign the cards that you send out to family and friends, put your name, your husbands name and TBA in “the month you are due”.
52. If it is Christmas time, buy an ornament that says new mommy, new daddy, Parent-To-Be or Baby’s 1st Christmas and put it on the tree.
53. Around Valentines Day, Buy a Large Hershey Kiss and remove the tag, stick in your own tag reading “Congratulations Daddy”.
54. If you want to surprise your mother around her birthday or Mother’s Day – Order a cake that says Happy Birthday Grandma or Happy Mother’s Day Grandma.
55. Buy a “Grandma’s Brag Book” to announce the news to the grandparents.
56. Have a puzzle made announcing your pregnancy.
57. Have a 12 month calendar made with picture of you and your husband and family. The month that you are expecting, have a picture of a stork and the baby’s due date.
58. When you have your first sonogram, get copies and put them in greeting cards to announce your news to family and friends.
59. Create a family tree and add an area for the soon to be baby and put TBA or due in “whatever month the baby is due”.
60. Send out “Save The Date” Postcards – Have the date the baby is due.
61. Send out an invitation to join you at a family gathering, on the inside write your due date, the hospital, and ask for RSVP’s.
62. If you husband plays golf, write on his golf balls “Daddy” before he goes out for the day of golf.
63. Hire a singing telegram to announce the news.
64. Get a hotel room and have them put flowers, and baby items on the bed, along with a crib in the room.
65. Print out a candy wrapper that announces the due date, the parents, any brothers and sisters ect.
66. Create a website site or online journal and have the details listed.
67. If you already have a child, buy them a t-shirt that says, “I’m going to be a Big Brother” or “I’m a Big Sister”.
68. Change the screensaver on your computer to say “Congratulations Daddy”.
69. Write a letter from the baby and give it to your husband.
70. Go over to your parents’ house or your husband’s parents’ house and take the video camera. Be nonchalant about taking it out and let them know that you want to test it because it had been giving you problems earlier in the week. Walk around the house with it videotaping random things and then rewinding it every so often to “check” to make sure it has recorded. During one of these “checks” (make sure you’re recording) get both of your parents in the frame and then offhandedly say “Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. We’re pregnant.” Not only will this come as a shock to them, but you will get their genuine reaction on film for your family and future child to cherish for many years to come.
71. If you are too far from your parents and in-laws to announce your pregnancy personally, go to a card store and buy some beautiful blank cards. Inside, in a child’s handwriting, write something like, “To my future Grandma and Grandpa. I can’t wait to meet you in 9 months! Love, Baby.” They will get the picture!
72. If you or your husband is technically inclined, develop a website and send a link to it in an e-mail sent to your friends and family. Write something that doesn’t disclose what the website is about like, “You all HAVE to check out this website. It is hilarious!” On the website itself you can choose how to design it. It can be as simple as having the phrase, “We’re expecting!” centered on the page or maybe a scanned image of the baby sonogram centered on the page with an approximate due date listed on the bottom. Remember, it can be as detailed or simple as you want, as long as it gets the point across!
73. Take a picture of your positive pregnancy test and frame it with the words, "Positive proof that in nine months you will be the best dad around, just wait, you'll see."
74. Have a fun afternoon at the paint-your- own-pottery store and make him an ice cream bowl that says, "You're going to be a dad!" Fill it up with his favorite ice cream and watch his reaction when he gets to the bottom.

This is funny

I found this list of funny British laws in a news article.

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.

3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.

4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.

5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.

6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet.

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen.

8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.

10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.