Monday, November 7, 2016

Giveaway Winners announced

Thank you to everyone who entered the giveaway for the mulling spices to make spiced cider. There were 40 entries total, and five winners drawn. I used random.org to generate five numbers.

The winners are:

#38 - Debra






#14 - Faye


#12 - Emily


#1 - Jessica


#16 - Becky



Congratulations! 

Please leave me a comment with the address you would like me to mail your spices to. I will not publish your comment so others won't be able to see your address.

Thank you for playing along!

Friday, November 4, 2016

Favorite Fall Recipes, Part 3 - Corn Muffins and Honey Butter

This is the final part in my "Favorite Fall Recipes" mini series. These corn muffins make a great accompaniment to chili. They are good on their own, but they become truly phenomenal when served freshly baked, split open and slathered in lots of honey butter.





Corn Muffins

Yields: 24-30 muffins

1/2 lb (2 sticks) salted butter, softened or melted
1/2 cup sugar
2 large eggs or 3 medium
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup cornmeal (fine grind)
2 tbsp baking powder
2 to 2 1/2 cups whole milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line muffin cups with paper liners.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs and continue beating until incorporated. Turn the mixer off, add flour, cornmeal, and baking powder to the bowl and turn the mixer on the lowest speed while slowly pouring milk into the bowl to incorporate the dry ingredients. Mix until just well combined. (If necessary, add up to 1/2 cup more milk to get a batter that is neither dry, nor runny - it should be very moist but hold its shape). 

Scoop approx. 1/4 cup of batter into each muffin liner - an ice cream scoop works great for this. Bake for 18-20 minutes until the tops are turning golden and a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool slightly before removing from pan.

These corn muffins do make a nice breakfast side dish, too. Simply whip up the batter the night before, refrigerate overnight, and scoop out and bake fresh in the morning. 

Honey butter

4 oz (1 stick) salted, grass-fed butter at room temperature (Kerrigold is perfect for this)
 1/2 cup raw, unfiltered honey

Combine the honey and butter in a bowl with an electric mixer or a stick blender. Serve at room temperature along with corn muffins.



Thursday, November 3, 2016

Favorite Fall Recipes, Part 2 - Church-favorite Bean Dip

This bean dip is pretty legendary around our church, thanks to my husband singing its praises to everyone and making them try it. Once they do, of course they agree it's the best food they have ever tasted, period. This item goes super fast whenever I bring it, the dish gets scraped clean, people beg for more, and those who didn't get any start crying and offer their firstborn in exchange for the recipe. Or something like that. 

Are you ready? There are only a handful of ingredients that go into this, so it's super important that you buy the exact right ones, or it won't come out tasting like mine. Which would be a tragedy, and you'd be back to square one on the weeping and wailing part. 

Church-favorite Bean Dip 



1.5 lbs ground beef (grass-fed for best flavor)
1/4 cup taco seasoning (recipe here)
6 cans Trader Joe's brand "salsa style" refried pinto beans
2 cups sour cream
2 cups salsa
4 cups shredded cheddar (New Zealand grass-fed cheddar from TJ's is best)
1 tsp high quality salt (I use Redmond's Real Salt)

Brown the ground beef, then season with taco seasoning. Add it to a 6-qt slow cooker along with all other ingredients, stir thoroughly to combine, and heat on low until cheese is melted and the dip is hot, about 2 hours. Serve with corn chips (duh).

So easy, so quick, and so delicious that your family will adore you forever.

You are welcome. ;-)

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Favorite Fall Recipes, Part 1 - Spiced Cider (and a Giveaway!)

Each year on October 31st, our church hosts a Chili Cook-off as an alternative event for people to attend who do not celebrate Halloween. This avoids having to answer the door to trick-or-treaters, or hiding out at home with the lights off. 

When we first began this tradition 11 years ago, only two chilis were entered. By now, we have to limit entries to the first 20 chilis, and the competition is pretty stiff. Since my husband as the pastor is an all-time judge (the other four are randomly drawn), I never enter a chili myself, but every year I do provide the three main sides. Funny side note: my husband's mom was in town for our cook-off this year, so she took his place as a judge.

 Here's a picture of the judges' table because I didn't have one of the spiced cider - though you can see me in the background pouring another gallon of it into the dispenser.

This year, I made 15 gallons of spiced cider, 3 gallons of bean dip, and 180 corn muffins. All three ran out halfway through the evening, so I'll have to up my game next year. Like every year, I got asked for the recipes of these foods, and I promised to share them on my blog. So I bring you this mini-series of my favorite fall recipes. 

Spiced Cider:

8 cups apple juice (organic, unfiltered gives the best flavor)
2 cups water
3 Tbsp frozen orange juice concentrate  
6 Tbsp sugar (Demerara or Turbinado is best, otherwise use brown sugar)

In a large pot, combine all ingredients, stir to dissolve sugar, and heat over medium heat just until very hot but not boiling. Immediately strain the mulling spices out and serve hot or cold.

Caution: If the mulling spices are left in longer than it takes to heat the spiced cider, they will make it turn bitter.


Mulling spices:

You can buy it ready, or make your own by combining 

4 parts dried orange peel
4 parts cinnamon chips
1 part whole allspice, and 
1 part whole cloves


Since I know that the biggest hurdle to making this spiced cider is finding the mulling spices, and since I made 2 1/2 lbs of it for the cook-off and have some left over, and since this blog post really needs another photo (ahem), I am hosting a little giveaway of packets of mulling spices. Leave a comment below and be entered into a random drawing of FIVE readers that I will mail one of these single-serve packets to (free, of course). US only, ends this Sunday night.



Happy Fall, y'all!


(P.S. You can print this recipe by clicking the green button below.)

Friday, October 28, 2016

Livestream tonight - "How to teach your child to read"

Just a heads-up that tonight at 7 p.m. MST I am doing a workshop on "How to teach your child to read" that will be streamed live on this channel

Hopefully, we can also get the video embedded below once the event starts, so please check back here, or go directly to the YouTube link above if you want to tune in live. 

Comments will be disabled, but if you have a specific question you would like to see covered, please leave it in the comments below.

Edited to add:

 Here is the video:


Please click here to see a Google preview of the handout to go along with this workshop. Once that page opens, you will need to click on the download symbol at the top right of the page, and then select "Open with Microsoft Word." This will allow you to print it out without the original formatting being compromised. 

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

The destructive effects of birth control on marriage

Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons? (I Samuel 1:8)

I wonder if  every mother who has ever read the above verse laughed a little on the inside and thought, "No."
  
Before you say I must not love my husband very much, consider this: Which mother would ever choose one of her own children over ten of them? So if even Elkanah's own mother, who loved him like only a mother can, would not have chosen him over ten other of her children, I think it's safe to assume that Hannah didn't feel that way, either. And chances are, the same is true for any wife anywhere, at any time in history.




Birth control destroys marriages on many levels. There are detrimental physical effects such as decreased desire and altering women's perception of what they want in a man (until they get off the artificial hormones and discover they can't stand the guy any longer). There are spiritual effects such as reinforcing selfishness and showing a lack of faith in God's provision, both of which are critical components of a failed marriage. There are the unspoken insults to the other spouse and children - I don't want your kids, I don't want any more of you. There is even the very practical aspect that when there are no children in the home, it is far easier and more likely for one spouse to commit adultery. I am not saying it is right, I am just saying statistics show us these are all factors contributing to the downfall of marriage.

Yet, every single day, men are staking their marriage on the wrong assumption that their wife would rather have them than children. I say "men" because in virtually all cases where couples intentionally prevent having children, the driving force behind that decision is the man, or at the very least he is failing to win over his wife to where she would desire children. Virtually all women, especially Christians who love the Lord and trust in his provision, would want nothing more than children if they felt supported and appreciated, and felt that the children were a great source of joy to her husband. If your wife does not want a baby, you have failed to make her feel safe, loved, and supported. She doesn't want children because she doesn't want more of YOU. She doesn't want to hear you gripe more about the finances, or how the kids are a burden, or how you wish you could do XYZ instead. Nobody wants to have kids with a selfish whiner who is a spiritual weakling.

It is no coincidence that permanent birth control measures are virtually always pushed and performed during pregnancy or birth - when people are least likely to want another child. Because newsflash - nobody wants to think about running another marathon while they are already in a race (or just finished one). Nobody wants to think of the next meal when they are still stuffed from the last. Nobody wants another baby right after giving birth. But give it some time, and as the baby grows older, those desires will wake once more, and get stronger and stronger as time goes by.

So men, before you do something permanent like getting a vasectomy or pushing your wife into a tubal ligation, please consider that sooner or later, your wife will come to the painful realization that she would like to have more children, even if you don't. And when she does, she might decide to leave you and try for more children with another man. You certainly wouldn't be the first man to have this happen to you. I have seen this play out in my circle of (Christian!) friends and acquaintances many times. 

Even if your wife doesn't leave you for the express purpose of seeking children elsewhere (and she shouldn't), she is likely to harbor complete disappointment in and resentment toward you, neither of which make fertile ground for a long and happy marriage. Just check Google for the sad stories of wives whose husbands are taking from them the one thing every normal woman wants more than anything else, and you can see how this strain may eventually lead to the destruction of their marriage.

There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough: The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough. (Proverbs 30:15, 16)

A harsh truth? Yes. Let the scoffers scoff, and let those who have not yet made these mistakes learn and beware. Can children be a burden on marriage? To the selfish, yes. To those who are not Christians and know nothing of the provision of God, yes. But to the children of God, there is no greater blessing this side of heaven than having kids. Depriving your spouse of God's greatest blessing will severely undermine if not destroy your marriage.

On the flipside, rest assured that nothing will ever make your wife love you more than giving her the children she wants, supporting the family (financially and otherwise), making the necessary sacrifices without grudging, and building her up when she is at the end of her rope.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Fatal Forgetfulness

Question: What kind of person could ever forget their child in the car?



Answer: Me. You.  Anyone.


Already this year, 27 children have perished in hots cars, which is one more than died in all of last year. On average, there are 37 hot car deaths in the US per year. We usually only hear about the fatalities, or some of the very near misses. Many, many more times through fortunate circumstances or some last minute reminder, children are forgotten but recovered quickly and unharmed.

Every time one of these heartbreaking stories hits the news, the comments are overwhelmingly angry and accusatory, along the lines of: 

Someone should lock them in the car on a hot summer day!

Forgot? Yeah right! I bet they just wanted to get rid of the child.

I bet they didn't forget their cell phone.

Of course, such tragic loss comes as a shock to any parent. We all want to think WE could never do such a thing. By condemning the "guilty," we tell ourselves that great parents such as ourselves could NEVER forget their baby in a car. 

But the truth is, anyone is capable of forgetting their child in a car. Doctors, lawyers, and a rocket scientist have all made the same fatal mistake that the Wal-Mart employee made in Texas yesterday. Moms and dads, rich and poor, old and young of every race are equally likely to forget their child, because it has nothing to do with our parenting, but all to do with the human brain. 

Our brains are designed to operate largely by habit. By not having to waste much thought on familiar processes, our brains are freed up to respond more efficiently to unfamiliar issues that arise. This habit loop is a crucial aspect of how our brains work and process data without burning out. The part of the brain responsible for recall ("I have the baby with me today") is switched off, while we operate on the part of the brain that runs on habit (like a typical commute).

For instance, the first time you back out of your driveway in a new vehicle, it will take all of your concentration and focus. By the time you have done it for months, you never even give it a single thought. Your habit loop takes over the minute you start the engine, and you can back out of the driveway and go clear across town on a familiar drive (such as a commute) without having any recollection of it or any of the details surrounding it. This is the same reason why you might ask your husband to stop at the store on the way home from work, and he completely forgets until he walks in the front door and is reminded the moment he sees you. He knew he wanted to stop at the store, but habit took over and he followed his usual routine.

Tragedy strikes when there is a perfect storm - a change in routine (such as Dad taking the baby when he doesn't usually do so), while there are other stress factors that occupy the active part of his brain (an important business call, stress at work, etc.), and all reminders fall through. He KNOWS that he is supposed to drop the baby off at day care that day because mom can't do it, but the minute he sits down in the driver seat, his brain goes on autopilot. Unless the baby cries or in some other way reminds him that she is there, he might forget about her, and tragedy ensues. 

I have personally known and heard of great parents who have forgotten their child in a car briefly and thankfully without suffering harm. It seems that almost every time I talk about this topic with parents, they suddenly recall a time they almost forgot their child in the car. It has nothing to do with what kind of a parent they are. It's simply a terrible error stemming from the way the human brain works. An attitude of "That could never happen to me!" is a very dangerous one to have. 

To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Some safety protocols that help prevent a tragedy are:

- Make a habit of visually checking every car seat, every time before closing the car doors. 

- Teach your older children to make a habit of checking for siblings in their rows before exiting the vehicle. Teach them to be extra vigilant when they are in the care of someone besides their main care giver.

- When traveling with just a baby, leave your purse/briefcase in the back by their car seat, and leave an item of the baby (like a blanket) in the spot you normally keep your purse. When you get to where you are going, this will jog your memory if necessary. It is not recommended to have a permanent reminder up front near the driver, such as a decal hanging from the mirror, because it will soon become so familiar that it will become part of the habit to see it, making it ineffective. 

- If your child goes to daycare, have a plan that they call you if your child does not show up on a day that they are expected. 

- Don't be afraid to call/text and check in with any non-regular care giver. 

Some other excellent resources are Kids and Cars and http://noheatstroke.org/. Their websites have a lot of great information and helpful articles. If you like their Facebook page, you will get plenty of reminders in your newsfeed to keep the safety of children around cars at the forefront of your mind. This article has some insightful stats. The book "The Power of Habit" has a whole chapter dedicated to this topic, and explains the underlying science well. It is a great read, I highly recommend it!

Parents whose children died in a hot car already have their lives destroyed by guilt. Let's not compound it, and let's not fool ourselves into thinking it could never happen to us. I doubt there is a parent who could honestly claim that in all their years of raising a child, there was never a situation that could have turned out far worse if it were not for the grace of God. Remember: There but for the grace of God go I (and you).

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Homeschool Tips: The First Day of School

Yesterday marked our first day of school. This year, I added a new K4 student (Stephen), which makes for a total of 7 students in as many grades (11th, 9th, 7th, 5th, 3rd, 1st, K4). This is a new record for our family, and a landmark because it also means we have reached critical mass in our homeschooling. By the time our next youngest child is old enough to "start school," Solomon will (Lord willing) have graduated High School. Unless we have multiples in our future, I will never have more than 7 home educated students at one time. It's all downhill from here!



Our first day of school yesterday was mundane and lacking any special excitement or hubbub. This might sound terrible, but it was actually wonderfully relaxing and blissful, which is not how I would describe "First Day of School" in my early years of homeschooling. 

You see, at this point, home education has become a way of life for us that is woven into everyday life. While I do have each child in a set grade, and while I have lesson plans that outline how much work needs to be done by the end of any given week, I have learned not to be rigid when it comes to the nitty-gritty. A master schedule can quickly become just a master, which is frustrating and angering when there are so many things we juggle all day long that could cause an unscheduled interruption. Nobody needs to compound their work being needlessly frustrated by a self-appointed task master!

The easiest way I can illustrate this is with running errands. Every homemaker has a certain amount of errands that will take her out of the house. On average, I guess we all leave the home on as many days as we do not. This compares well to a school year of 180 days of instruction. None of us get up at the beginning of the year to celebrate the first day of running errands, which will be followed by 179 more days like it before the end of the year. We all understand that a certain amount of errands must and will get done every week, but just when they get done will have to follow a lose pattern (for example, buying produce from a co-op on Saturday mornings), while still allowing room for flexibility. If the baby is teething on the usual day for grocery shopping, maybe the trip can be put off until the next day, combined with another errand later in the week, or maybe Dad will run it instead. Getting things done, but being flexible. Being fluid and keeping the flow going, rather than derailing the train every time there is a major curve-ball.

In much the same way, we get our school work done each week. But if Monday is the first beautiful day in a while for playing outside, we might go to the zoo instead of doing bookwork. If I need help with chores or the baby or volunteer work for church, one of the older kids will be called in from his books to do so. We did not reject institutionalized learning for our kids to then have a "play school" at home that enforces a set time frame on us.

If we understand that learning  is not limited to ages 6-18, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., and does not need to be blocked off from real life (which consists of mostly work and some play), and that rather than having a rigidly enforced time of homeschooling we instead learn while living our lives, when it best suits any given day and its circumstances, we are well on the way to raising life-long learners who are always developing new skills woven into everyday life. 

So yes, while we did officially start on our new books yesterday, the day was very much like every other day - we each did our work side by side, learning one set of new skills or facts versus other things on other days. We did not take special pictures because we take pictures year round when the opportunity arises. We did not start with any special fanfare because it was not advisable for us during this stage of life, which is very busy and in which I cannot afford to have high demands on myself and then get frustrated when I don't always throw a pinterest-worthy party, don't always take cool pictures, don't always play the perfect homemaker, teacher, wife, mother. 

I am not at all criticizing those who have the time and mental energy to make the first day of the school year extra special. I did the same for many years. I am simply encouraging moms to take the pressure off themselves, and to relax the demands they make on themselves if they are leading to frustration and burnout. Motherhood is a long-distance ultramarathon, not a sprint. Slow down and walk, it will help you do better in the long run. By relaxing and realizing things will get done if you we keep faithfully plugging away and doing our best, more will end up getting done because feeling overwhelmed and frustrated is a huge de-motivator. 

Happy (Don't Go) Back to School, everyone! :)


Click here for more Homeschooling Tips

Monday, August 1, 2016

Q & A: Young mom of many kids struggling with doing it all

Hi Zsuzsanna,

Could you please please please include in your homeschooling series how you schedule other things into your day? Like cooking and cleaning? What are your priorities? How do actually do all this? What kind of meals do you make or when in the day do you cook? 


I am pregnant with my fifth and will have five under five next year. I have started homeschooling and am overwhelmed.


Right now I have two children in nappies that need changing, one has spilled milk on their church clothes, breakfast plates are everywhere (they are eating as I type this), crumbs are everywhere, the dishwasher is unstacked, lunch hasn't been organised (God knows what we're eating after morning service, that's if I even get there since their church clothes need changing again), laundry hasn't been put away. My floors are grimy, the toilet needs cleaning etc.


My kindy student is getting an education alright, but at the expense of other things...e.g. meals made from scratch, porridge for dinner etc


The only reason why I'm online right now is so I can type this comment, and see if anyone else out there is struggling too.


If you have addressed this could you please provide a link?


Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Emmy

Dear Emmy,

I really feel for you as you go through this difficult season. When my oldest was five, I only had three kids, and that was plenty hard.

 My words of advice are:

- Don't do it all. Many things have to be neglected, the tricky part is knowing what to neglect. I read in a book that there are four categories of things competing for our attention: 
urgent and important, 
urgent but not important, 
not urgent but important, 
not urgent and not important. 
We are all great at tending to the urgent and important (like  a diaper blowout), but many of us tend to respond to urgent but unimportant (like a social phone call) before tending to the not urgent but important (like brushing your children's teeth). By doing so, the non-urgent but important issues pretty soon become urgent and important, but we could save ourselves a lot of time and trouble by addressing them before they become urgent. Always choose non-urgent but important over urgent but non-important. Does that make sense? Also, some chores are better neglected than others, because they don't compound while undone. For example, a floor that hasn't been mopped for two weeks still takes just as long to mop as if you did it every day. Laundry neglected for two weeks - not so much! Neglect the forgiving chores first.

- Simplify your life as much as you can. To simplify meal planning and cooking, make a list of the most common meals your family likes, and stick it to the fridge for when you are out of ideas. Have a list of simple meals that can be thrown together with staples you always keep on hand. Planning like this requires an initial investment of time, but it will pay off in the future (falling into the important but not urgent category). Use a slow cooker that you can get going in the morning and have dinner ready at night, freeing up your afternoon for errands or other outings. Cook a double batch for dinner and use the leftovers for lunch the next day (I have been doing this for years). Nothing wrong with simple meals. Porridge is fine for dinner for the kids, and if your husband minds you could just make a big meal a couple of times per week and serve that to him at dinnertime over several days. Have paper dishes and cups on hand for busy days, and use them. Other ways to simplify are to radically pare down the kids' toys (less messes and helps them be more creative with what they have), cut out outside obligations/voluteering, use the easiest possible curriculum that requires the least input from you, etc. At this stage of homeschooling, you could really just get by with teaching your oldest to read while sitting on the sofa feeding the baby, reading lots of books with him, involving him in the housework/cooking/childcare, and letting him observe and explore the natural world in the yard or a park. Basically, go into survival mode and become a minimalist. It is very freeing, and you'll find that you will get more done because you are not demotivated before your day even starts.

- Enlist the help of others. Maybe there is a single or childless lady in your church or social circle who would love to come over and help out (for free, but she'd gain much experience). Maybe an older lady might enjoy helping you with laundry or cleaning every week. Maybe your husband or a grandparent can make a set time each week when they take all the kids off your hands - my husband does this every Tuesday morning and it makes such a huge difference! Don't be shy about asking others for help. If your finances allow, you could hire someone to come and clean, but I realize this is not an option for most of us.

- Get a head start. Whenever possible, get up before your family does, get dressed, read your Bible, and plan the day ahead. Ever minute you can get on your own without interruptions is worth 10 minutes later in your day.  Life goes through stages and this is not always possible, especially when pregnant, but this is a great sanity saver when you can take advantage of it.

- Have a pattern for your day. I shy away from minute-by-minute schedules because they can quickly lead to frustration when something unexpected happens and you get behind. I have certain anchor points in my day, such as ready for the day by 9 a.m., lunch around noon and naps by 1 p.m., dinner at 5:30 and bed by 7 to 9 (depending on the ages). I have certain days set aside for errands and outings. but I generally avoid shopping after nap time or on the weekends because stores are busy and tempers run high, making everything take longer. To read my previous posts on scheduling, please click here.

- Enforce naps and bed times. Naps are moms' link to sanity. By having these times to count on and yes, look forward to, you will make it through the stickiest moments in your day. In our house, all kids age 5 and under take a midday nap. I learned this from my Grandma who raised six kids, and my mom who had five. Sure, there are those kids who will fight sleep, but remember, sleep begets sleep. And while you cannot force someone to fall asleep, they can be made to lie still, close their eyes, and not get up - which is just as good as sleep itself, and often makes them fall asleep in the process. The earlier they go to bed, the later they wake up the next day, no joke. If you have really early sunrises in the summer, hang a blanket over their window to block the light at 5 a.m. Never wake a sleeping child unless a foreign army is marching toward you, your house is about to be struck by a hurricane, or you are in some other deadly peril.

- Breastfeed. I say this with some reservations, as I certainly don't want to make anyone feel bad who cannot nurse their child, nor am I implying that your kids are not a blessing. My point is that by exclusively breastfeeding your children without a schedule and without stuffing them under a hot blanket, your hormones would prevent you from becoming pregnant so close together, which of course makes your workload a lot harder and is a major drain on your body.  On the flip side, remember that when your kids get old enough to really help out around the house, you will go from no help to having a whole team of helpers virtually overnight :)

- Take care of yourself and your marriage. I realize this can be hard to accomplish. Much of your down time will have to happen while you do other things, such as reading while feeding the baby, running errands without kids, browsing FB after the kids are in bed while you make breakfast for the next day, and such like. If everything hits the fan at once, secure the kids in a safe spot where they cannot hurt themselves or each other, and do what you need to do. Don't hold off on using the bathroom, brushing your teeth, taking your vitamins, or doing some other little thing that doesn't take long but will nag away at you subconsciously if neglected. Invest time and effort in your marriage, and realize the best gift you can give your children is happily married parents.

- Be realistic. This is just a phase. They are just kids. This too shall pass. Try to see the humor in things. Realize messes matter little in the scope of things, but how you react to obstacles will shape your little people for a lifetime. Do your best and leave God to take care of the rest.


Readers, if you have more advice, please share it in the comments below.


Sunday, July 31, 2016

Words are powerful

I often get asked, "What do you call your husband at home?"

Obviously, I call him by his first name, Steve. But at church, or when talking to church members and others who only know him as a pastor, I always refer to him as "Pastor Anderson." Even when directly addressing him, I avoid calling him by his first name when others can hear. We have been in the ministry long enough to know that people who are too chummy with the pastor quickly become disrespectful and treat him as a buddy, not an elder as the Bible admonishes. This attitude then spreads like a wildfire.

I would no more talk about "Steve" to another church member than I would call him that to the kids when speaking about their dad, as in: "Please take this to Dad," and not "Give this to Steve". Married couples who refer to the other parent by their first name to the kids  show great disregard for the that parent's status of being an authority figure to the children, and not their co-equal. It is a passive aggressive way to show disrespect, and one the kids are certain to pick up on and perpetuate. These couples always have troubled marriages because they fail to appropriately honor the other out of a false sense of pride. A good wife who is interested in seeing her husband honored and succeeding will always strive to build him up in the estimation of others, and should never intentionally try to "take him down a notch", especially so publicly or to the children. 

In much the same manner, those who are legitimately on a first-name basis with the pastor but refuse to address him with his title of honor to those who only know him as that, do so out of pride, as well as a show-boating of the fact that they are in the pastor's inner circle. It doesn't get any closer than being married to the pastor, but I don't feel the need to rub that in to give myself more clout. 

I am thankful that when my husband first expressed his desire to be a pastor someday to our pastor at that time, the pastor's wife impressed the importance of this concept on me. In turn, I have tried to teach this to the wives of pastors we have sent out. My husband and I are both on a first-name basis with several pastors, but only ever address them as "Pastor so-and-so" publicly.

On my blog, which is read both by people who know him as Pastor Anderson as well as personal friends and family who know him as Steve, I avoid having to choose either by only ever referring to him as "my husband" which is neither awkward nor disrespectful. 

The words we use reveal much about ourselves and issues we struggle with, such as humility and showing honor to whom honor is due. 

Friday, July 29, 2016

Homeschool Tips: You can do this!

Having talked about not expecting too much of your young student(s), today I have another bit of wisdom to share with first-time homeschoolers: relax, you can do this!




You are already homeschooling

In fact, not only can you do this, but you ARE already home educating your child(ren). Presumably, long before you were getting serious about teaching your child his ABCs, you taught him how to say his first words, eat off a spoon, use rudimentary manners, and so on. There is a common and sad misconception that learning primarily takes place in school between the ages of 6 and 18. Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth. The foundation of academic learning is laid during that time, true. But a foundation is just a foundation, leaving much room to grow in knowledge and understanding over the course of a lifetime. And academic learning is not the only type of learning there is. 

The examples above are just some of the ways in which parents teach their child physical skills, character, and the like. If you are capable of doing that, you are capable of teaching book knowledge. Just as you knew when your child was ready to go from rolling over to sitting up to crawling to walking to running to jumping, you will know when your child is ready to to from learning his letters, to sounding out words, to reading and writing, to literature and book reports. Each child is a little different, and YOU as the parent will know best when he is ready for the next step, will know how to best motivate him, will know when to back off and when to expect more. 

I know there are many people who received a poor academic education themselves. This does not disqualify them from teaching their own children. To the contrary, by educating them at home, these people will fill in gaps in their learning. Anyone can teach a preschooler, and from there, as the parent teaches, she also learns herself, and gets smarter and better educated over time. 

Even for those who did well in school, homeschooling has much to offer in the way of helping us grow in character. Every parent knows that children bring out the best and worst in each of us. Being home with your children every day is a sink-or-swim way of developing godly character. If you don't like being around your children, there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Homeschooling teaches and grows the parents as much as it does the children.


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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Homeschool Tips: Young kids

With the new school year upon us, I thought I should do a little mini-series where I give glimpses into how we approach homeschooling in our family. For more info, you can also click on the "School Room" tab at the top of this page.


Today's post will focus on homeschooling the younger kids.


Teach your kids to read

Teaching your children to read is the most important lesson you will ever teach them. Reading opens the door to all other learning. It also enables kids to work independently in their future studies, as they can read instructions and do their work without you having to spoon-feed them everything. 

Even if you do not plan on homeschooling, teaching your child to read before they enter school will pretty much guarantee their lifelong academic success as they maintain that momentum of being ahead, and having the confidence that comes with that.



Let kids be kids

The most common mistake I see among new and eager homeschoolers is that mom, excited to teach and determined not to leave any stone unturned, does too much, too soon. This translates into having expectations that are too high on younger students just starting out. Sadly, this can crush the young child's love of learning. 

When in doubt, do less! For a kindergarten student, "school" sessions of doing actual bookwork should be limited to 20 minutes at a time, for a maximum of twice per day. If you or the child feel frustration rising, stop right there and pick back up another time.

As a general rule, I do not enforce any set days for school until about 3rd grade. In those lower grades, kids have little bookwork, which can be caught up easily during those times that they want to sit still and there are not more pressing issues needing to be dealt with that day. In those grades, I also do not force the children to work on subjects they don't like. 

Learning in the lower grades should be student-led, interest-based, and hands-on. Examples of this are: Ask your child what (s)he is interested in, and get books from the library on that topic. Have family story time before bed as often as you can. Do lots of art projects, science experiments, field trips, etc. Involve the child(ren) in the daily work of running the home, whether that be watering the dog or keeping baby busy by talking to it. Besides reading, learning in the lower grades should focus on creating a love of learning, building confidence, and training character. Academic achievements can wait!

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Thursday, June 30, 2016

HUGE Cute and Covered sale this weekend!

In addition to the recently lowered prices on my line of modest swimwear, I am offering a huge sale this holiday weekend. This is a deal  I won't be able to offer again soon, so don't miss it! 

Get your swimsuit or pattern now at www.cuteandcovered.com!

www.cuteandcovered.com



Check out this AWESOME video a friend of mine made of how to sew a Cute and Covered swimsuit:






And just for grins, here is little Anna in her new swimsuit:




Get yours now at www.cuteandcovered.com. Sale ends this Monday!

Friday, June 3, 2016

Chloe's Birth Story

My actual due date with Chloe was Friday, May 20th. Of our kids born up to that point, two had been born on their due dates, two had been born a few days after their due dates, and the rest had been born in the week before their due date. All that to say, our kids typically arrive right on time.



I had also learned from previous births that I typically have on-and-off contractions for 2-3 weeks leading up to birth, so for me that is another clue how far out actual labor is. These contractions started on Monday, May 2nd, a little over two weeks before Chloe ended up being born. The last few weeks leading up to the birth can be frustrating (especially for those who have to live with me!), but I think that letting baby choose his/her own birthday is one of the first gifts we give them, so I just wait (and wait and wait). Typically, baby comes right around the time I am thoroughly convinced that they will never be born. 

By the middle of May, the contractions had changed in nature, to where they no longer went away when I lay down or went to sleep. This, too, is an indicator that these contractions were now the real deal. That fact, however, is offset by the fact that I live in a house with 9 other people, 8 of which are kids that make noise and have all sorts of needs from sun up to sun down, which psychologically does not lend itself to being the perfect labor and birth environment. I knew that until my body pushed past the "point of no return" during the peaceful night hours, the contractions would mellow and space out during the day. After a few nights of sleeping only between regular contractions that came anywhere from 2 to 20 minutes apart, I finally felt I was in labor for good on the night from Monday to Tuesday, May 16/17. 

So around 4 a.m. on Tuesday, May 17th, I texted my mother-in-law and asked her to fly out. She had been on standby, ready to leave, for a couple of weeks. She has been here for the last three births before this current one, watching the kids while I am in labor. Even before that, she would come out as soon as baby was born to help for as long as she could get time off from work, but has come out in time for labor ever since retiring (she used to be a flight attendant). 

However, by the time the sun came up on Tuesday morning, I knew that was not going to be the day I gave birth. The contractions were still coming every 5 to 15 minutes, but they were much milder, too mild for being past that "point of no return" which I'm guessing is around 5 cm dilation for me. As usual, my husband took the kids to their P.E. class that morning, while I stayed home resting after not having slept well at night for almost a week by that point. After P.E., they picked up his mom at the airport, and were home in time for lunch and naps. I was supposed to have a prenatal appointment that afternoon, which I cancelled because I knew birth was imminent, and I was too uncomfortable to leave the house. I, too, lay down for a nap instead. 

In the evening, we left the kids home with Grandma for a trip to Costco. There were a few last minute things we needed, plus I figured the walking would help move labor along. It was about 10:30 p.m. when I got to bed that night, and I slept well for the first hour. At 11:41 p.m. the contractions had picked up in intensity to where I could no longer sleep through them. In fact, I could not even stay in bed in between them, as I needed to get up and move with the contractions to help ease the pain. 

Let me tell you, the hours between midnight and sun up are the worst hours to be in labor, at least for me. I was SO tired. The contractions were coming very regularly every 8 minutes at this point, ever increasing in intensity. While they lasted, I got much relief from leaning over the birth ball and rolling with it from side to side. I did this while standing up, with the birth ball on a raised surface. While it offered relief, it was impossible to sleep between contractions while standing up, and I was too tired lie down and get up again in between them. 

After about an hour of laboring this way by myself, I woke my husband around half past midnight to ask him to set up the birth pool, which involves inflating the pool, fitting it with its liner, connecting the hose to the shower head, and then fill the pool with water (which takes a while as we wait for the water heater to keep up). As with Boaz, the birth pool was set up in the office, which doubles as our guest room, and has a bed in it. In between filling the tub, my husband would doze off on the bed, while I was laboring and trying to rest. The contractions were still very manageable, but only as long as I was able to move with them. But like I said, standing up for 7 minutes in between them didn't do much in the way of letting me sleep. 

Around 1 a.m. on Wednesday, May 18th, I finally figured out a way to sit in the corner seat of our sofa in the living room in such a way that I could sleep between contractions, while still being able to move and work through them when they came every 8 minutes. So for the next 3 hours or so, I slept on the sofa, and woke only for the contractions. They were definitely painful, but manageable. My husband was asleep in the office next door, only waking to turn the hot water on and off as needed. 

Sometime around 4:30 a.m., I suddenly woke with a start, shivering and nauseated. This was an indication that labor had shifted into a new phase, and things were about to really pick up momentum. I woke my husband, and asked him to call the midwife and tell her it was time to come. I had wanted to hold off on that as long as possible to allow her to sleep, but as it turned out later, she had not been able to sleep much at all that night, knowing that I was in labor and could call at any moment. 

Once I was awake, there was no going back to sleep. I started throwing up (very typical for me in labor), but otherwise, I felt great between contractions. During each contraction, I would again lean over the birth ball on the guest bed, while my husband put gentle counter-pressure on my hips with his flat hands on either side. 


The birth team consisted of 4 ladies: my midwife (the same one I had used for the previous three births), two ladies who she had trained and who are just finishing their midwifery education (who had also been at my last two births), and a new apprentice midwife she was teaching. They showed up sometime around 5 a.m., and let themselves in silently so as to not wake the kids (labor plus kids just doesn't mesh well, and it was too early to send them all out of the house for the day). I remember hearing the cat, who prefers to sleep outside, meow - my only indication that the birth team had arrived and let the cat into the house when they came in. Later, one of the midwives told me that when she opened the door to let the apprentice in, my cat had leaped on her and scratched her up, something she has NEVER done - she must have been spooked by my being in labor. The ladies were setting up their stuff, making themselves coffee and letting me do my thing.

Around 5:30 a.m. or so, I asked my midwife to check me for dilation, and I think I was at a 6, though maybe it was 7. Things were going well and very manageable, so I didn't care much about the exact number. Having had the same midwife for the last four births, I knew she would have a good idea of when baby would be born, so I asked for her prediction. She said she would be very surprised if baby was born before 7 a.m. or after 10 a.m., so that was my "window." Might seem silly, but she's always been right in the past with me!

I got into the birth pool around this time to give me additional relief, and for the next couple of hours, I would sit in there resting and chatting, then turn over for the next contraction so my husband could push on my hips. In past labors, I always wanted counter-pressure on the tailbone, but this time, it felt much better to have him push to the right and left of my tailbone, on the hips. Between contractions, we were still laughing and talking.

By this time (about 7:30 a.m.), my mother-in-law had taken all the other kids out of the house, although they were so quiet I hardly even heard them leave. I was dilated to an 8 or 9, and I could feel the baby right at the cervix, but not pushing past the tailbone and ready to descend into the birth canal. The baby has to navigate a "turn" at that point, which is very noticeable. Once they clear that turn near the tailbone, they are born within the next minute or two. This baby, however, just stayed put right where it was. This was partly due to the fact that I was not yet fully dilated, although I knew from past experience that the last lip of my cervix typically doesn't get pushed aside until baby comes through, and I often do start pushing at 9 cm dilation.

It was around this time that my midwife told me the baby likely had its hand up by its face, based on the fact that he/she was not coming down sooner, and the fact that my hips felt like they were being split in half during contractions. This was NOT what I had wanted to hear. It meant that I could be stuck in this transitional phase for anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 days - just however long it took for baby to navigate past my tailbone, having increased its head circumference (the largest part to be born) by having a hand on its face/head.

Strangely, from the get-go, this labor had reminded me of Isaac's birth. Isaac is our second-oldest child, and my first home birth. His birth was going well, and was pretty manageable like this labor had been, except for the very end, when I got stuck in transition for several hours without any progress. After he was born, we learned that not only did he have a very short cord, but that he was making it shorter by having it looped up and through his legs. It took so long for him to be born because his cord had to stretch, stretch, stretch for him to be able to descend. By the time he came out, the cord was stretched very thin. I remember the last couple hours of that labor, I had gotten out of the pool, and was passed out tired on the bed in between contractions, waking only as they peaked and biting down on my husband's hand in pain. We have since learned to keep washcloths on hand for that! ;)

Having already experienced what it felt like to get stuck in transition, I was really discouraged by the prospect of having to relive that. Remembering Isaac's birth, I got out of the tub, and tried to rest and even sleep between contractions. At this point, labor was a lot more difficult to manage, because I no longer felt that each contraction brought me a little closer to holding baby - it felt like I was making zero progress, while in a lot of pain, with no end in sight. I remember telling my midwife to transfer me to the hospital via ambulance, so they could just deliver the baby via C-section, because I was DONE with labor. The ambulance was not due to any urgency, just the simple fact that I though riding lying down on a gurney would be a lot more comfortable than sitting in a car - ha!

After a couple of hours of that, around 9:30 a.m. I got another little burst of energy, and got back into the pool. It only took a couple more contractions until I finally felt the baby clear the tailbone, and descend into the birth canal. I knew he/she would be born with the next few pushes.

The head crowned with the next contraction, and while it was stuck there before the next one came, the midwife and I felt knuckles on both sides of the head. We had suspected one hand by the baby's face, but not two! I remember yelling for someone to put pressure on my perineum to keep it from tearing, then with the next push the baby was born at 9:48 a.m, just before my midwife's predicted delivery window ended. The cord was pretty short, I think just over a foot and a half, which probably didn't help labor progress any faster. I had to lean down carefully so as to not pull on the cord while checking to see if we had a boy or a girl. I had thought boy all along with this pregnancy, but had started to think girl toward the very end and while in labor. I was washing the dishes one night close to the birth when the name "Chloe" came into my mind as a choice for a girl, and was relieved that my husband liked it and we now had our girl name choice settled.

 This is how she was born, and still likes to sleep.

I knew I was supposed to get out of the tub as soon as baby was born (to better monitor blood loss), so with the help of my midwives, I moved out of the tub and onto the bed. The placenta was born shortly thereafter, followed by a lot of blood. It would have been alarming if not for the fact that I always bleed a lot after delivery, and my midwife knows this. They were keeping a close eye on me, monitoring my blood pressure and giving me stuff to control the bleeding, but I was not worried about it. I think that my body just makes an excess of blood while pregnant (blood volume increases anywhere from 150-200%, so there's a wide range of normal there), which is why I can afford to lose more than average without any complications. My iron levels, blood pressure, energy, and milk supply in the days after delivery were all stellar, which means that whatever amount of blood I lost was not an issue. I have donated blood before and felt far worse.

My husband called his mom to tell her the baby had been born, and that it was a girl. They were not too far from the house, and came home immediately to greet the newest member of the family.

 
 



Admiring her little fingers




My husband drained and cleaned up the birth pool while the midwives got me settled and kept monitoring me. In spite of Chloe's two little hands being born alongside her larger-than-average head, I had zero tearing. I had some pain near my tailbone from when she had to squeeze by there, but after a few hours that was gone, and I felt like I had never even given birth.

I hadn't eaten much in the last two days leading up to the birth, but I was still not hungry at all, and just ate a cheese stick. There was also cake and milk for everyone - knowing the birth was imminent, I had made birthday cake the night before.





Around nap time, the midwives left, the little boys napped, and my mother-in-law took the older kids out of the house so us parents could also rest in a quiet house.

About 10 days old and loving her bath. 

The midwife and her team came back to check on us on days 1 and 3, and at 1 and 2 weeks postpartum, which always includes flowers for baby and chocolate for mom. Chloe is growing and gaining well, and there have been no issues whatsoever with either her or me, except that I think she has a slight intolerance to me consuming dairy products. Mostly, she just gets colicky if I drink milk straight up, but seems to be fine with cheese etc. (though I have cut out all dairy for the time being just to make sure). I am not a fan of milk, and rarely if ever drank any while pregnant, which may be why she couldn't handle me drinking it now.
 


Boaz helping check Chloe's oxygen saturation



My husband drove me to see my chiropractor the day after giving birth, to set my tailbone straight again and to check Chloe for any misalignment. The chiropractor I see has taken care of me with my last 6 pregnancies, which I am certain plays a large part in my natural deliveries. I see her all throughout my pregnancies as often as I see the midwife for prenatal checkups. She is trained in the Webster technique, which is very gentle, and does not involve "cracking" my joints. 

Other than that, I have been home resting and holding baby. My mother-in-law left earlier this week after having stayed and helped for two weeks. Yesterday and today, I ran my first errands, not because I had to but because I was going stir-crazy from having been cooped up in the house so long. All went very well - Chloe actually likes the car seat, something most of our kids hate with a passion! I can't wait to go back to church this Sunday morning, though I will take some more time to phase in the evening services because I am going to bed early these days. 

Thank you again to all who prayed for a safe, easy delivery!



Saturday, May 14, 2016

Baby's Little Nest

Can you tell that with the school year finished, I have more time to blog? :) I have been having fun preparing for baby in my extra time.

We needed to get a new bassinet, but I wanted to just use a Moses basket this time around because it is much smaller, more portable (since baby might need to nap in different rooms on different days), and non-toxic. I absolutely detest that virtually all baby products in the US come doused in flame retardants, which are known carcinogens, and are what I believe the biggest culprit behind SIDS. Whenever possible, I try to avoid them. 

Amazon carries a really nice Moses basket. They also sell an organic mattress pad for it, but that may or may not mean it has been treated with funky chemicals, not to mention it looks thin and stiff because it is covered in plastic. The bumper pad I found was nice, but too pricey.

Instead, I opted to buy barrier cloth and wool to make a mattress, and flannel and sateen tape to make the bumper. I already had wool batting in the house for the bumper, so my total cost was far less than getting these items ready-made, plus I had fun making them.





Thinking about getting a Moses basket reminded me that back in Germany when my brother was little (he is 16 years younger than me), my mother used a special hanging cradle for him, which he loved. This contraption basically consists of a soft spring attached to the ceiling that moves very gently up and down and side to side if the baby stirs at all, with a net hanging from the spring that holds the Moses basket (or a pram top or car seat - recommendations in the Old Country are not subject to the same safety concerns as here). Sadly, amazon.de does not ship this item to the US, but I was able to get it from a different online vendor in Germany. I was getting nervous that it would not arrive in time, but it did get here in less than 3 weeks total.



This beautiful hanging cradle now adorns my room, though we do also have hooks in the ceiling in two other rooms of the house should it need to be moved for a nap. The motion of this cradle is almost magical. I like to bump it when I lie in bed just to admire it. It swings/rocks about 70 times per minute, mimicking mom's heartbeat and motions. I can see why babies would love it! 

For now, Boaz gave it a little test drive, and certainly enjoyed that.




As I mentioned in a previous post, my mother-in-law had given my bedroom a fresh coat of paint on her last visit here, and had also decorated the room with some new pictures and other items. She did not hang any pictures on the walls above the bed, because she knew they were likely to get knocked down by little people sleeping in my bed.

One morning this week, I woke up and thought, "I should stencil something onto this wall!" and did just that. It took me all afternoon until almost midnight, but I got it done in one sitting. There really was no other option as I was using a projector, and there would have been no way to get it to line up exactly a second time if I took it down in between working on the project.



This is not the room I plan to give birth in, but these verses always make me think about pregnancy, birth, and child rearing. 



 A look around the rest of the room. It is the smallest bedroom in the house, but I really like how it turned out. This will be my little quiet retreat during the postpartum recovery.



The girls were all impressed with my art work, but one of their big brothers quickly gave me a reality check when I overheard him telling his sisters, "It's not like mom is some great artist or anything, she just used a projector to throw it on the wall, and then drew it on." Oh-kay! I agree it's not the Sistine Chapel, but it was tedious work, and took a lot of time.


In addition to the bassinet, I also wanted to make a quilt for baby. The fabrics I had on hand had actually been picked out for a blanket for Boaz, but I never did get around to making him one, so I was going to use it this time around instead. However, once the quilt top was assembled, I realized it was far too big for a little baby, and would indeed be better suited for Boaz, who is now in his own toddler bed (and mighty proud of it). 



Miriam really has an eye for making things look pretty. She not only put the quilt on his bed, but then went on to decorate his little "den" by matching the safari theme of the blanket with a stuffed elephant, a book about a giraffe, and a tissue box of the same color. Then she snuggled up with Boaz in his bed and read stories to him. :)



Miriam and Becca have been wanting to learn quilting, which I thought they are just a tad too young for, so instead I picked up some pre-printed/quilted flannel top for them that they could use to practice just the layering, quilting, and binding part on, without having to actually do any piecing. Once they are done, those little quilts will be plenty warm for the baby - not like we really need much in the way of blankets in this summer heat.



Yesterday, my husband and I finally also settled on a girl name, after already having chosen a boy name some time ago. This is pretty unusual for us to do ahead of the birth, especially because both names were picked by me this time. Don't ask what they are, though - we won't tell until after baby is born and named. Announcing baby names ahead of time is a rookie mistake that seems to invite others' unsolicited opinions. ;) Both are New Testament names, so you can have fun guessing if you like.

And with that, we are all set for baby here, and are just waiting for his/her arrival any day now. :)