Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Radical Unschooling

I have blogged about both unschooling and positive-only parenting before. 

Radical unschooling is the unholy union of these two concepts. If you thought both ideas by themselves were dangerous and foolish, the fallout of parenting failure when they are combined is exponential.

In a nutshell, "radical unschooling" means that parents do not enforce any rules for their kids, in ANY area of life, ever. You read that right. Kids do whatever they want, whenever they want. They have no set bed times, eat what they want when they want, are never forced or even coerced to obey their parents, have full 'body autonomy' including deciding if they want to shave their head at age 3 or if and when to take medicine, are not expected to do any school work, and are basically NEVER made to do anything they don't want to do. The parents' job is to cater to the child's every whim and thus enable them to turn into the wonderful humans they were destined to be. Except they don't. They grow into the wicked, entitled, lazy, spoiled young adults we see everywhere these days.

The 'philosophy' behind this (un?)parenting is that children are born innately wise, intuitive, pure, and sinless, and that if given the freedom to make their own choices not influenced by corrupted adults who are already messed up from 'authoritarian parenting,' they will naturally choose what is best and wisest for them.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)

The moms who fall for this nonsense then post on social media, wondering why their feral kids act like animals. They ask such deep questions as how to get their kids to stop playing video games and go to bed before the wee hours of the morning ("Don't worry, that's normal!"), how to stop their kids from eating only junk food ("Don't worry, that's normal!), how to stop their kids from assaulting others ("Don't worry, that's normal!"), how to stop a tantrum ("Don't worry, it's normal!) - you name it, it's all normal, and something kids will grow out of over time. Until then, hugs, good vibes, and lots of good luck to you!

"How would you all handle a 2 1/2 year old having a melt down in the middle of the night because you say no more breastfeeding so you can get some sleep? My toddler is getting worse with punching me very hard and spitting in my face. I try to push him away on the bed and he comes back fighting. I try to hold him and comfort him but he comes back fighting. He ends up crying to sleep. Am I just supposed to lay there and be punched/spit on? He doesn't listen to any words or reason. His raging wakes everyone since we all share a bed. I don't know what else to do."

What else to do? What has she done??? Comfort him in response to being assaulted? One person recommended "keeping a hand towel nearby for the spitting." Another wondered why the mom would wean the child at such a young age - mom should just take a nap in the afternoon to make up for lost night sleep.

If that same little tyrant were 160 lbs and 16-years old, he would kill his mother in a fit of rage. The only thing that is preventing him from doing so now is because he is lacking the physical strength, not the fact that he doesn't despise her THAT MUCH. 

My three (turning four in March) year old has started to self harm to express anger, in the form of biting or scratching herself. She uses this almost as a threat i.e. "I'm mad. I'm going to bite myself!"

This style of parenting is nothing short of child abuse. Children without boundaries and consequences are the most miserable creatures. They grow up to loathe others and themselves, are loathed by others, and daydream about suicide.
My 9 year old wants her nose pierced and I told her not until she's 13 or 14.. Is that a reasonable RU response?  
The overwhelming majority of responses were along the lines of "let her, and explore why you are so conflicted about her choice."

On the subject of natural consequences, how to handle stealing. My 11 yo took $10 of mine, lied until I stared her down long enough that she reached into her pocket & gave it back. [...] She does these "types" of things often.
General responses were: give her more allowance, figure out what she needs the money for, ask why she 'had' to steal it, and show her disappointment as the most effective punishment.

I could go on with horror stories from these insane parents. When dealing with the unsaved, nothing should surprise us. They are spiritually blind. They are foolish, yes. They raise monsters we all have to live with, yes. But even so, I pity them. They will never know the joy that children that are raised in the ways of the Lord can bring. All their labor is in vain.

The thing I find truly disturbing is when Christians fall for this nonsense. I am not just talking about "Christian Radical Unschooling," which yes, is a thing. I'm talking about mainstream, evangelical Christians who consider themselves 'conservatives' making the same kind of excuses about their little brats, which in due time turn out to be derelict young people and eventually worthless adults indistinguishable from their worldly peers. 

I am in another online group of Christian moms of large families that homeschool. Sounds pretty conservative, no? Sometimes, when I see the questions posted there and the responses, I have to double-check which group I'm in - the radical unschoolers or the Christian homeschool moms. 

This I have no pity for. "If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!" Christian parents turning out one bad child after another with a similar 'success rate' as the world is a terrible testimony. It's just as bad a testimony as the fact that divorce rates among professing Christians are the same as that of unbelievers. It is an assault on the validity of Bible principles.

Not like Germany is the bedrock of strict parenting these days or even was in my days, but being from East Germany and having had 'old-school' grandparents, I was raised in times and circumstances that were decades 'behind the times'. When we were newlyweds and young parents, I was often dumbfounded by permissive American parenting, where it is a virtue among many to let kids walk rough-shod over their parents and suffer it patiently.

These same parents would never put up with that kind of treatment from their spouses. Toddler screams at you? Normal. Husband screams at you? Emotional abuse - call the cops. Imagine if he hit his wife and spat on her like these kids are allowed to do!! Who in their right mind would say, "This too shall pass, keep a towel nearby for the spitting and try to separate yourself to another room." It's madness and folly!

I used to be told, "Just wait until you have a toddler!" When the first few of our kids made it past being toddlers with our sanity intact and our parenting still on track, it was, "Wait until you have a daughter!" So we had three in a row, all of which are sweet and kind and growing into godly young ladies. Then we heard, "Just wait until you have a teen!" Well, we have three now. They do suffer from some inevitable teen brain atrophy, but they are still godly, respectful kids who know their place in this family and are not malicious, just overgrown and sometimes clumsy pups on the cusp of productive adulthood. My kids are not perfect, but they are good kids who love the Lord and will grow up to walk in His ways. And as long as we parents have any say in the matter (which we do), they will reach adulthood without first bringing shame on themselves and us through being wicked in their young adult years.

And yet, bad parents never want to take responsibility for their offspring turning out a failure, one after the other. They might blame the other parent, they might come up with some bogus condition their child suffers from like ODD (oppositional defiance disorder), Asperger (or what used to be known as lacking social graces), their preacher being too nice/mean, the Bible being too strict, modern society corrupting everyone, or any number of excuses. To them, raising children is like rolling the dice. Some keep getting lucky, and they keep drawing the short end of the stick - but the fault is most certainly not with them, oh no! You just wait! It reminds me of divorced people who think there are only two kinds of marriages: those that have already failed, and those that are on the way to failure. Until you die having never divorced, your marriage is in question in their mind, even two, three, four, five decades later.

Misery truly loves company. Misery also hates those who succeed where they have failed. 

I'm here to tell you, this defeated, can't do attitude is not true. Let me be clear: my kids turning out right will have nothing, ZERO, to do with me being better than anyone else. It will be 100% by the grace of God, and applying HIS principles to child raising. If I can raise good kids, in spite of myself and my shortcomings, ANYONE can. Any idiot can follow Bible teaching, and have an end product that is far greater than the sum of its parts. To God be all the credit. All we have to do as parents is guide our kids in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. It's that simple. And: IT WORKS.

Simple does not mean easy, though. It might not be easy if we love ourselves more than our child, and care more about staying in good graces with them today rather than having them thank us later. The Bible says there are two critical ingredients to raising kids: the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Or in more simple terms: love them, and don't let them walk all over you. Parents who raise derelicts love themselves, and are too lazy to put an end to bad behavior, thus going against both of these points.

Kids do not turn out right overnight, and they are not lost overnight. They continue for many years on the path of right, lit by God's word, or they continue down the way of transgressors, unchecked for many years. There are a thousand parenting decisions made over the course of many years that keep kids on one path, or the other.

When the 18-month old first throws herself on the floor in an angry response to being told "no", one quick swat is likely to end that behavior (and other ones like it) from ever manifesting again. Choose to distract and coddle the child instead, and soon you will have a screaming 3-year old on your hands that has made a horrible habit of pitching fits to get what they want. Breaking that bad habit is a lot harder at that point, so the parent is even less likely to do it than they were two years earlier. Continue to give in to the whining and tantrums, and you will soon have an entitled monster on your hands. The problem escalates more and more. By the time kids are in their teen years, the tracks are almost irreversibly set. The train is in motion and at full speed. The train wreck is inevitable. When it happens, the parents will sit back and claim it's not their fault, but either they are lying, or the Bible is not true.

Ungodly children are the result of lazy, selfish parenting gone wrong from the start, and never corrected. If it were a roll of the dice, "having faithful children" would not be a prerequisite for the pastor.

Here's a great sermon that ties in with this post:


  1. Hello Ms. Anderson,
    Thank you for that! My husband and I raise our children according to the Bible (and yes, that means spanking them-how shocking ��) and so far this works really well for us. We have 4 kids, the oldest being our 9 year old son. What is your experience with disciplining (soon to be) teens?
    I guess I am just worried if he will accept his punishments the same when he is a lot bigger and stronger. I know it's the right thing to do (watched your husband's preaching on this topic) and I would love to get some insight from an experienced mom like you.
    Thank you for your time,

    P.S. Please excuse any mistakes, English is not my mother tongue

  2. Wonderfully written and spot on! Everyone has always commented everywhere we go that my kids are the best behaved at whichever event we are attending. I tell them simply, "my kids know better than to disrespect ME by acting like fools!"

  3. Thank you for this! My husband and I recently adopted my niece (both of her parents die in an accident). She turned 3 in October 2017 and thanks to God and His word, this little one is so far in the right track. I do not put up with "I don't want that for dinner" (you eat it! It is a privilege to have food on the table). There was a night she went to bed without dinner. I felt bad, but that behaviour ended right that night. Spanking works perfect! And now she listen to both of us (and Oh wow! She is not psychological traumatized). She no longer trows those ugly tantrums or hurts her self to get attention or what she wants. It was hard on September and October but now I see the amazing change on her. When she tells me I don't want to do it, I tell her, I didn't ask you if you want, I said do it, and she does the activitie or shore. We has a parents are they role model, the discipline and authority. It is so hard and sad seeing weak parents out there and ugly kids/teenagers this days.

  4. Permissive Parenting results in adults who do not know how to play by the rules (follow laws) and think that they should get what they want when they want. It's bad enough now with the adults that were brought up with getting a trophy for just simply showing up, things are just going to get worse.

    Children like order. Rules provide that. Not getting everything you want (it's ok to say no) helps a child learn that the world is not full of yes. It's better to learn that lesson at 18 months than at 18 years.

  5. I was very strict with my girls growing up. They are 26 and 25. Even to this day a look from me will stop their attitudes and behaviours. I have an almost 3 year old grandson and I am continuing the strict behaviour with him and his mother is strict as well. He uses his manner and if he throws a fit in public I tell him I am over here when you are done. That stops it right there. Our society has taken the authority of the parents, police and other adults away. I remember swatting my daughter when she was 3 because she wouldn't stop about getting a chocolate bar when I said no twice. This lady glared at me and I told her she would thank me when my daughter wasn't stealing out of her purse when she was a teenager.

  6. I can't stand the "unschooling" approach. I actually know adults who were raised that way, and they are very bitter towards their parents now....they are adults, and can't get decent jobs because they were never taught the rudimentary skills in school like reading, writing, and math. It's sad. People look my kids sometimes and say, "You are so lucky to have well behaved kids", like "luck" had anything to do with it...yeah, right! They don't see all the time, effort, and prayers that has gone into raising decent human beings!
    Anyways. Good article. I agree.

  7. "And as long as we parents have any say in the matter (which we do), they will reach adulthood without first bringing shame on themselves and us through being wicked in their young adult years."

    I would love to be as optimistic, but the world has a very strong, very enticing pull that the even the best Christian homeschooling families are not immune to. My parents diligently trained us and raised 8 God-fearing children. Their 9th child, my brother, sadly was very troubled and committed suicide at the age of 24. They did all they could while he was still at home but he left at the age of 19. Satan can take hold of a man's heart even if raised in the best circumstances. Ultimately, it's a personal decision to live for Christ.

  8. While I agree with you on the ridiculous idea of ‘unschooling’ I do greatly disagree with your claim that Asperger’s is bogus. It is not. I would know because I have it. It is not something made up, it is not something caused by poor parenting, it is however a disorder that affects the brain. And just to be clean, I do not like being autistic. I would love to be more ‘normal.’ But it is something that I cannot help. I was born this way. God made me the way I am for a reason.

  9. I have raised 7 children, my eldest son is 30, 3 more in their 20s, and the other 3 are 15, 17 and 18, and I am proud to say that I have *never* struck any of them, either with my hand, or another object. They are all functional, well adjusted, contributing members of society. My eldest son is in Fire and Rescue, his wife raises their infant twin daughters. My eldest daughter has just qualified as a Veterinary Surgeon and is engaged to a wonderful young man, her sister the next in line will soon be a primary school teacher, and my next son is planning to be a lawyer. The three still in secondary school are an aspiring geriatric nurse, sport and physical education teacher, and midwife. They know that it is wrong to lie, steal, cheat, kill, and to attack or hurt a person, and they are kind, generous, honest young men and women who serve others graciously and with love.

    Tantrums, disobedience, bad manners and the other negative behaviours that arose as they grew were dealt with gently, calmly, and without violence. Other discipline, such as chores which focused on righting the wrong, loss of privilege or grounding, combined with friendly, yet firm discussion about their transgression were enough to curb any behaviour we found unsuited to our family values. Bad behaviour was rarely escalated or repeated - and seeing their older siblings leading by example, the younger ones were quick to fall in line. Gentle compassionate guidance from the start, while requiring a lot of energy and work on your behalf, works wonders - without ever laying a hand on your child in punishment.

    I personally don't stand with unschooling either, children require a proper education, routines and boundaries - however I also don't stand with physical violence against a child, especially one who is too young to understand why their protector is suddenly causing pain. Advocating hitting a defenseless child is a low act, and is simply lazy parenting. Striking a child who has disobeyed or displeased you, or especially one who is suffering pain, grief, difficulty adjusting or psychological trauma (the loss of her parents for example) rather than finding the true cause for the behaviour is hardly a trait to be proud of.

    Do not fool yourself that spanking is an act of love. It is violent and lazy. Taking the time to understand, respect, teach, and when necessary, discipline gently is far more loving than any striking, spanking, slapping or beating you could provide.

    1. I respect the fact that you've raised 7 children who have turned out so well! Yet, I am personally the product of a child who was brought up in an incredibly loving home, no abuse physically or verbally. I love to serve my family and community and have traveled to nine different countries serving in many different areas. As well as all of my other siblings.
      I, along with my siblings were homeschooled, gently. We were guided and directed, gently. And we were raised, when needed we were spanked. I NEVER once in my life felt abused by either of my parents. I always always was talked to before and afterwards. I NEVER and still NEVER have felt the hand that "protected" me, is now "abusing" me, through spanking.

      It is not the truth coming from a loving, Bible believing parent. As an adult, well ground on the Word, who LOVES the Lord with all of my heart, and who LOVES to serve others, I am so thankful that my parents decided to not got in the direction of the world, but in God's direction.

      Now, as an adult my siblings and I have wonderful close relationships with both of our parents, and with each other.

      Oh, I am also happily married to a man who was spanked {and is thankful too}, and a joyful mother of seven myself:)

      So your opinion is rightfully your opinion, but it does not mean that you can take what the Bible says is truth, good and right, and say it is abusive.

    2. "Do not fool yourself that spanking is an act of love. It is violent and lazy."

  10. Good article. Raising children cannot be a job left to the kids. That's purposeful neglect and abusive at best.

  11. So this is so true. I see many young parents in my same age group taking some kind of approach. they may not have officially adopted the unschooling approach but all to often i see families who are afraid of hurting there children's feeling or being mean. I personally don't believe in spanking but thats my personal choice. I just don't see the message in it. That being said I DO Not agree with free range parenting either! Children will naturally test the boundaries because they need to step over the line to be able to learn where the line is. Our job as parents is to correct when they get to the line so they can identify it. the world and society are nasty places and training our children to be able to take direction and live safely is our job! No one can survive doing everything they want in life it's not realistic. you need to have a job, and be in relationships of all kinds and since the world does not revolve around any one person we all need to learn t adapt and change. If not just for survival sake. I'm all about letting children explore thier interests and world but it does not have to be done destructively. As well heck I want to take part in my children's exploration. I want to help them understand the thing they are discovering and maybe discover things with them. That the joy of raising humans haha. unschooling doesn't allow of that. if my children have full control then they don't need me for anything including bonding, attention or love. so selfishly whats then the point? just to be a slave to these uncontrolled little humans... no thank you. I want to learn about my children's natural character. I want to know there heart. I want them to know mine as well. We have parents as our first human relationships make it positive so that in future life they can have strong positive personal relationships with others. unschooling is just reckless and dangerous and does no one any good in my opinion.

  12. "Let me be clear: my kids turning out right will have nothing, ZERO, to do with me being better than anyone else. It will be 100% by the grace of God, and applying HIS principles to child raising. If I can raise good kids, in spite of myself and my shortcomings, ANYONE can. Any idiot can follow Bible teaching, and have an end product that is far greater than the sum of its parts. To God be all the credit. All we have to do as parents is guide our kids in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. It's that simple. And: IT WORKS."

    Truer words were never spoken.

  13. December 26, 2017
    I appreciate reading all of what you have said. I have been watching and listening to Pastor Anderson for 2 1/2 years now. You have a very good Biblical basis for home life and church life. I appreciate what you all do. It is refreshing. I know that "main stream" Christianity does not agree with you, nor do they agree with the scriptures. I lived in Germany 4+ years and served at the Bible Baptist Church of Landstuhl in Rindland faltz. It was a tremendous time for me. I identify with you and your husband. My wife and I served in the Rep. of Panama and I in Honduras for 13 years. I am Spanish speaking. I am "retired" now from missions in Latin America. I am from the Pennsylvania Dutch country of Pennsylvania.
    I appreciate what you are doing. I am still gleaning from the preaching of Pastor Anderson. He has much to say. There is much to pray about and much to do today. Soul-winning must be a part of our lives. And the Lord will give the increase. We have 15 grandchildren and many also "adopted" children and grandchildren in the Rep. of Panama and Honduras.
    To God be the glory in what is done for Him. Thank you for the excellent blog.
    "Orlando Villarreal" Jacob Billger

  14. I completely agree. Kids not only need boundaries, they want boundaries and these totally permissive parents are not doing their children any favors. However, I am also very tired of "millennials" all being lumped into the same category of lazy, video game playing, young people who mooch off their parents. My kids are both millennials. They both started working at the age of 16 while attending high school. My son started working on our friend's farm at 13, but it wasn't official. My son is 25. He gets up at 4 o'clock every morning to ride the train two hours to his job. He is a plumber's apprentice working full-time and attending school to be a journeyman plumber. My daughter is 19. She works full-time and goes to school part time. She is planning on becoming a nurse and wants to get all of her prerequisites out of the way at community college. Can my kids be lazy, of course, the amount of dirty clothes that can collect on my daughter's floor is astounding. However, they also understand the value of hard work and how it is the only way to succeed in life. I feel sad for the children that are growing up like wild critters, their first exposure to the real world is going to blow their mind. ~ Ginger

  15. I was diagnosed late in life after I was grown after I was married and after we had children. Imagine being taken from your world and dropped on an alien planet where everything people do or say is foreign. None of it makes any rational sense and you spend your life trying to mimic these strange behaviors out of one basic need...survival. You don't believe in what you are doing. You don't understand why you do it even with the feeble reasons given by your peers. That is Asperger's. Now you could argue newborns struggle with this but the caveat is that they adapt and accept the social order. Punishment or corrective action has an impact. With an aspie not so much. If you tried to explain every social nuance that you naturally picked up along the way in life it would become apparent that we as humans are strange in the way we interact. We often lie or cover or true intentions to save someone's feelings or to lure and attract a mate. We call these little white lies or necessary for society to function. They don't do it to malign a person even if it does because it is understood and socially acceptable behavior. A person with Asperger's may struggle to learn these or struggle to want to participate in these blatant lies preferring truth in all things. Think about the phrase "be on your best behavior" this implies that the "best behavior" is not the individual's normal behavior but a facade they put on to deceive others into believing they always act this way. It is not malicious deceit but it is not their true self either. We call it social graces. Much the same way we call it yogurt instead of bacteria-ridden bovine breast milk. Yogurt sounds more appetizing than a true description. I understand you have a personal belief system that led you to a personal discovery of calling Asperger's syndrome a fallacy. You are blessed if you and your family never have to struggle with a child with autism or other conditions that are not seen yet exist. However, there have been numerous observable differences in an Asperger's mind to that of neurotypicals and those with other forms of autism. These observations were found post-mortem through autopsy and also through MRI scans. I grew up in a Baptist school with KJV influences and teachers loved me. I was the quiet person who followed rules and did the work as requested. To my peers, I was noticeably different. I was three when they wanted to burn me at the stake because I was born with red hair and played alone because I didn't understand how they played and make-believe was glorified nonsense that I could not mimic. Children can reject other children the same way animals might reject one of their pack if they sense an abnormality. When you have Asperger's and you grew up in a time frame when that diagnosis did not exist it can be easily overlooked as being "independent" or "odd" or in your words "lacks social graces" but in your peer group being that few degrees off center is enough to make social interaction difficult if not impossible. My entire life I wondered why I functioned so differently than my peers and when I had a diagnosis decades later I did research. So many boxes were checked with me that now I can look back not with regret but with understanding. I can now also get the tools necessary to understand those who chose not to understand me. I can also advocate for those like myself to tell them there is a life to be had even if the world is bent on limiting their potential or stating they do not exist. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs; that is the beauty of God's gift of free will and the beauty of his design. If every snowflake and fingerprint is unique then maybe there is no one way for a person to be developed. That the cookie cutter approach to human development though deemed necessary is flawed.

    1. Bravo! You worded that wonderfully! As a fellow Aspie I couldn’t agree more. I had great difficulty maintaining friendships as well. I was too ‘weird’ for most people, even some of my own family members have issues with the ‘weirdness.’ But I have been fortunate in that, despite my oddness, I have had people accept me as I am. And that acceptance is a wonderful thing indeed.

  16. I was very pro-smacking before I had children. And whilst I have slapped the legs of my girls a few times, I find I have done it out of frustration and anger towards their behaviour. Now, I look at how Jesus reacted towards my bad behaviour as a flawed human and I see him loving me with compassion and gentleness to change my ways. Very different outlook.
    I have 3 children all very well behaved, yes I am strict but I feel little need to use violence. If I tell my kids I smack them because I love them and want them to change, chances are if they meet a man when they’re older and he hits them because they are ‘not submissive enough to change’, would I be so shocked that they thought that was ok?

  17. I was very pro-smacking before I had children. And whilst I have slapped the legs of my girls a few times, I find I have done it out of frustration and anger towards their behaviour. Now, I look at how Jesus reacted towards my bad behaviour as a flawed human and I see him loving me with compassion and gentleness to change my ways. Very different outlook.
    I have 3 children all very well behaved, yes I am strict but I feel little need to use violence. If I tell my kids I smack them because I love them and want them to change, chances are if they meet a man when they’re older and he hits them because they are ‘not submissive enough to change’, would I be so shocked that they thought that was ok?

  18. Never dismiss outbursts or odd behavior in a child as ‘acting up’ and in need of corporal punishment. What may be perceived as ‘bad’ behavior in a person could be caused by so much more than lack of discipline or developmental disorder, mental illness, or general poor parenting. I had frequent panic attacks that caused me to appear to act out or seem as if I was throwing a tantrum. It wasn’t until much, much later, that we learned my behavior was the result of extreme hypothyroidism. I was sick for years and never even knew it. A person’s thyroid regulates and produces hormones, amino acids, and proteins. When the thyroid doesn’t work properly it throws your entire body’s chemistry out of whack. In addition to becoming nearly psychotic, I also suffered damage to several of my organs. All of that could have been prevented by a simple blood test and daily medication (which I now take). The cause and reason for me developing hypothyroidism hasn’t been found. It is possible that I was simply born with a non functioning thyroid. I just felt compelled to put this out as a reason for a child’s misbehavior. In my case it is something that is easy to treat. We just never thought about my thyroid as being the problem. Really though, who does? You just take it for granted that it will work and do it’s job.

  19. This lifestyle (radical unschooling) is based in selfishness. "Not my will, but thine be done" is totally lost on them.

  20. With the greatest respect, Asperger's and other such diagnoses on the autism spectrum are not fallacies. As the parent of an adult son with high functioning Asperger's I can assure you we have spent his lifetime helping him by implementing the strategies we have learned mainly from him, from loving him, knowing him, understanding him. It is difficult for some to allow themselves to peer into the world that is autism. As parents we have had to compromise because we love as God loves us, unconditionally. A "hidden" disability is no less a disability because it can't be seen on a scan or blood test or acknowledged by the naked such a physical one. I kindly urge you to watch the movie "Temple Grandin". It is a biographical film about the life of a brilliant woman who has Asperger's. I have had the honour of meeting her when she was on a speaking tour. She is the living dictionary of the definition of Asperger's and how a life can be lived productively and richly despite seemingly insurmountable difficulties. Kindness and empathy are also learned qualities as is an open and compassionate nature. There but for the grace of God go I. Never be so vain or cocky that you believe it couldn't happen to you. We had 3 healthy children before our son, all "normal", coped well, fitted in. Then God sent us our son. By aged 2 he was spinning all the wheels he could get his hands on, his sisters' dollies prams, scooters, bikes. His language was not in the first person (another telling trait) He would escape our yard and wander, often. He reacted very badly to changes in routine, even the most slight, to foods, to the sound of certain voices, to certain music. It was all there and we didn't want to believe it. Our acceptance was the first and most important step to his being able to have the productive life he has. As with many Aspies, he has an obsession, his is music and music production, technical stuff I could never understand. He has done college courses and private courses and done well, only because they focus on his focus. He has grown to be a fine young man, he can converse now, can almost take care of himself BUT, he is autistic. You don't stop being autistic, you do your best to live with it and I can assure you, it isn't easy.

  21. I don't always agree with what you say, but this is a good post. I needed a few of these reminders. We have a free will and with the relinquishment of parental control, despite our best attempts, sometimes a child will inevitably stray and rebel. I've seen it happen. And somewhere along the line, we all fail as parents, particularly if we were "blessed" with a particularly challenging child (and some children ARE more difficult than others!). And none of my three are "easy", I can tell you that. One has autism and it took us a long time to figure out that some behaviors were sensory as opposed to rebellion. Prayer is key, I believe. I have some great prayer warriors in my corner, thankfully, and I am learning to be more of one myself.


Your KINDLY WORDED, constructive comments are welcome, whether or not they express a differing opinion. All others will be deleted without second thought.