Wednesday, September 7, 2016

The destructive effects of birth control on marriage

Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons? (I Samuel 1:8)

I wonder if  every mother who has ever read the above verse laughed a little on the inside and thought, "No."
  
Before you say I must not love my husband very much, consider this: Which mother would ever choose one of her own children over ten of them? So if even Elkanah's own mother, who loved him like only a mother can, would not have chosen him over ten other of her children, I think it's safe to assume that Hannah didn't feel that way, either. And chances are, the same is true for any wife anywhere, at any time in history.




Birth control destroys marriages on many levels. There are detrimental physical effects such as decreased desire and altering women's perception of what they want in a man (until they get off the artificial hormones and discover they can't stand the guy any longer). There are spiritual effects such as reinforcing selfishness and showing a lack of faith in God's provision, both of which are critical components of a failed marriage. There are the unspoken insults to the other spouse and children - I don't want your kids, I don't want any more of you. There is even the very practical aspect that when there are no children in the home, it is far easier and more likely for one spouse to commit adultery. I am not saying it is right, I am just saying statistics show us these are all factors contributing to the downfall of marriage.

Yet, every single day, men are staking their marriage on the wrong assumption that their wife would rather have them than children. I say "men" because in virtually all cases where couples intentionally prevent having children, the driving force behind that decision is the man, or at the very least he is failing to win over his wife to where she would desire children. Virtually all women, especially Christians who love the Lord and trust in his provision, would want nothing more than children if they felt supported and appreciated, and felt that the children were a great source of joy to her husband. If your wife does not want a baby, you have failed to make her feel safe, loved, and supported. She doesn't want children because she doesn't want more of YOU. She doesn't want to hear you gripe more about the finances, or how the kids are a burden, or how you wish you could do XYZ instead. Nobody wants to have kids with a selfish whiner who is a spiritual weakling.

It is no coincidence that permanent birth control measures are virtually always pushed and performed during pregnancy or birth - when people are least likely to want another child. Because newsflash - nobody wants to think about running another marathon while they are already in a race (or just finished one). Nobody wants to think of the next meal when they are still stuffed from the last. Nobody wants another baby right after giving birth. But give it some time, and as the baby grows older, those desires will wake once more, and get stronger and stronger as time goes by.

So men, before you do something permanent like getting a vasectomy or pushing your wife into a tubal ligation, please consider that sooner or later, your wife will come to the painful realization that she would like to have more children, even if you don't. And when she does, she might decide to leave you and try for more children with another man. You certainly wouldn't be the first man to have this happen to you. I have seen this play out in my circle of (Christian!) friends and acquaintances many times. 

Even if your wife doesn't leave you for the express purpose of seeking children elsewhere (and she shouldn't), she is likely to harbor complete disappointment in and resentment toward you, neither of which make fertile ground for a long and happy marriage. Just check Google for the sad stories of wives whose husbands are taking from them the one thing every normal woman wants more than anything else, and you can see how this strain may eventually lead to the destruction of their marriage.

There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough: The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough. (Proverbs 30:15, 16)

A harsh truth? Yes. Let the scoffers scoff, and let those who have not yet made these mistakes learn and beware. Can children be a burden on marriage? To the selfish, yes. To those who are not Christians and know nothing of the provision of God, yes. But to the children of God, there is no greater blessing this side of heaven than having kids. Depriving your spouse of God's greatest blessing will severely undermine if not destroy your marriage.

On the flipside, rest assured that nothing will ever make your wife love you more than giving her the children she wants, supporting the family (financially and otherwise), making the necessary sacrifices without grudging, and building her up when she is at the end of her rope.

53 comments:

  1. There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
    ~Mark Twain

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  2. Its so crazy because after every baby ive had i always say right after giving birth that i would be satisfied with not having anymore but when they get around a year i tell my husband i cant wait to have more and thats usually the time i get pregnant. I agree wholeheartedly

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  3. Thank you for saying I am normal for wanting a baby more than anything else. I have started therapy and the therapist rolled her eyes when I expressed anxiety over never getting pregnant. Will you pray for me? I do not use birth control but we still have not conceived. Thank you.

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  4. Hi there! Really encouraging post! My husband and I have two beautiful twin boys and have been trying for more. The twins are now soon to be 4 and we've been trying for about 7 months. I've heard of some of the ladies I attend church with using hormone creams. In your opinion is this unbiblical? Or is this showing lack of faith if I were to try using the creams to concieve? Thank you for your time!

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    1. I believe than any remedy or procedure intended to restore natural, God-given health is not sinful, only those procedures that pervert nature by playing God, such as artificial reproductive measures like IVF, surrogate pregnancy, etc. Hormone creams are typically used to make up for a lack of these naturally occurring hormones. I have friends who have benefited from these. I do not think they are wrong.

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    2. I had the similar question, and yes, I second your opinion, Zsuzsana.
      But the diagnosis for causes of infertility should be made from investigating both spouses. My husband only shows me in the Bible that God opens and closes the womb if I even dare to approach him about taking care of this issue. Recently I heard him saying that "But it is my wife who is sick" (yes, I do have some hormonal problems but they are taken care of) when confronted by his very close aunt about maybe getting checked. (In the Bible there are no examples of male infertility I guess?)
      Clock is ticking, 5 years passed and now I'm 31, this Proverbs verse is too true. Not having children is misery. You are right, at one point when problem wasn't addressed and on top of that my husband acted all the opposite you mentioned in the last paragraph, I was entartaining in my mind the idea of divorce or death, just to get out, or maybe I will try another man(brrr! It's awful, but the things that are going through one's mind...) just to check who is really sick here. It was dark time, I consider it my personal miracle that our marriage got trough it in one piece. Only thanks to God. Without Him I would be long gone.

      What to do with life where there are no children? Were Hannah or Rachel just going through the motions until they've got their precious children?

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    3. We should not feel miserable for not getting what we want be it children or anything else. It's not wrong to desire children but you must have sufficiency in Christ so that if you never have children you still have joy in Him. To be miserable for not having children is idolatry. I learnt this through my own experience for years I pined for a husband and children and it was only when I realised this and had peace and joy to be single my whole life that God blessed me with a godly husband and beautiful daughter.

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    4. Thank you Christine for your encouraging story :)
      Yes, I agree it is idolatry and I realized it really soon but it is hard to deal with it... but as Proverbs 30:16 says it has to be one of the hardest to accept :/ but I'm getting there...

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  5. I didn't read a "condemning" tone in this post. Just reasons why birth control is bad. Nice! Easy to take in and think about those reasons instead of being able to dismiss because of condemning.

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  6. You know sometimes it's the wife who doesn't want children. My mother had my dad get a vasectomy. He always wanted two children but after me my mother was done. Was she being selfish? In her words she could never imagine loving another child as much as she loves me. She grew up in a home where her mother clearly had favorites. She didn't want to repeat that.

    Also, some women know that they are not meant to have children. I know I never will. I suffer from too many medical problems and in no way am I mentally stable enough to handle the responsibility of a child. Selfish? I don't think so... When you lack empathy and cannot relate to others emotionally, like myself, it's better to not have children.

    I am a Christian and come from a Christian family. But I always knew from very early in life that God did not intend for me to have children. Some women just are not mother material. I am one of them.

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  7. "If your wife does not want a baby, you have failed to make her feel safe, loved, and supported. She doesn't want children because she doesn't want more of YOU. She doesn't want to hear you gripe more about the finances, or how the kids are a burden, or how you wish you could do XYZ instead. Nobody wants to have kids with a selfish whiner who is a spiritual weakling."
    Ouch! Preach it, sister! Thanks for another great post.

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  8. Correlation does NOT equal causation.

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    1. Agreed.
      But the points made in the text are very true.

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    2. Zsuzsa, I see your point. But you probably know that there are other reasons for the increase in divorce rates, e.g. new divorce laws from the late 60s/70s. On top of that, while the divorce rate increased, the percentage of women filing for divorce actually declined. So suggesting a connection between birth control and divorce rates really is a little... counterproductive? Greetings from Germany!

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    3. What a great post! After the birth of our daughter (we already had three sons) my husband decided he was done and had a vasectomy. I was heart broken and I still mourn for more children twelve years on. It was a very dark time in our marriage and only God pulled us through. The reason he gave was because I had had a stroke while in labour for our daughter. The thing was I trusted God and knew he would keep me safe but my husband couldn't.

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  9. Little off-topic.. but I'd love to see another one of your Q&A's!!

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  10. The graph presented above does have some confounding factors as well. Divorce rate rose because women basically made up the work force during WWII, which, in the decades to follow, led to a surge of women workers. When women started to work, they had more financial freedom over pre-war women, who depended on their husbands for money. This gave women in unequal, abusive, etc marriages the ability to become divorced. So while I agree that birth control could have led to an increase in divorce rates, there are so many more factors as well.

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  11. While I am glad it apparently works for you to have so many children, for us more would be detrimental, financially, emotionally and physically. Our choice (and indeed, it was a joint decision) for my husband to have a vasectomy was an act of unity, not of division.

    He is a wonderful husband, and an astonishing father. He guides, teaches, loves, is generous, loyal, compassionate, funny, an incredible cook, a great provider, and generally a great man. His parenting is gentle, patient, inexhaustible, even when I feel I'm flagging behind. I have absolutely no doubt that I, or our 4 young children are absolutely safe, protected and loved with him in this role.

    However pregnancy is hard on me physically. I'm not just talking minor niggles and discomfort that pass when the baby arrives, but long-term, painful incapacitation that has increased in its severity each pregnancy, requiring crutches or wheelchair use, and appointments multiple times a week, as well as a plethora of medication and supplements My recovery time has increased each pregnancy as well, and no amount of his love, support, prayers, or money can ease that - and I assure you we've tried. Another pregnancy could, quite simply, lead to life long disability. The complications that arose in my final pregnancy also affected the health and birth of the baby. A risk we are simply not willing to take again.

    So no, it's not that I don't "feel safe, loved or supported". It was a conscious health based decision to end our baby making days. Would we both have liked more children? Absolutely. Is it healthy for me to conceive and carry again? Absolutely not.

    To say that I am somehow "not normal" to opt not to risk the health of either myself or an unborn child is demeaning and hurtful. A family's love, the love a husband has for his wife, or vice versa is not measured by the number of children, but by how they spend their days. Our 4, homeborn, breastfed, co-sleeping, sling-riding, home schooled babies, will grow up in a house that is filled with joy, love, laughter, sweet memories, with two healthy, physically capable parents. They may not have more siblings than fingers, but the way in which they are being raised, and the way they see my husband and I care for each other more than makes up for that.

    And, in fact our marriage has been stronger and sweeter since his operation. Despite not being "good" at pregnancy, we are both extremely fertile, and knowing that we are free to enjoy each other without fear of another pregnancy, has strengthened that particular bond between us as well.

    You cannot tar everyone with the same brush. Not everyone wants to, or can have as many children as you do. And insinuating that I will somehow ruin my marriage by choosing not have more when I would dearly love to, hurts like hell.

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    1. Ok I think you took this way too personally, I coukd be wrong but I am pretty sure she is talking predominantly about thise who are taking contraception or not wanting to get pregnant for selfish reasons. I don't think your situation fits into these categories. She has said before that trusting God with you family size whether it be 12 or 2 but that fact that you are leaving it to God is what is important.

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    2. Ok I think you took this way too personally, I coukd be wrong but I am pretty sure she is talking predominantly about thise who are taking contraception or not wanting to get pregnant for selfish reasons. I don't think your situation fits into these categories. She has said before that trusting God with you family size whether it be 12 or 2 but that fact that you are leaving it to God is what is important.

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    3. I totally agree Aurelia!

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  12. For me, it boils down to this: we can all agree that nobody has a right to that which is impossible. Since no contraceptive method is 100% effective, we can take this principle and say that fertile couples do not have a right to a guarantee for pregnancy-free coitus. But contraception makes many believe they have this right. This "right" is what props up legal abortion in the United States. I wrote about that here: https://everybodysdaughter.wordpress.com/2016/09/06/scotus-agrees-with-the-catholic-church-about-link-between-contraception-and-abortion/

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  13. Before I knew any better, I got an IUD (not the ones with hormones) because my husband and I wanted to wait a couple years before our next child. A few months later I became pregnant. I knew right away, since with my other two I had morning sickness the entire pregnancies, and that nausea feeling reared its ugly head. The doctor removed the IUD right away to give the baby a chance to develop. He was born at a little over 11 pounds. I truly believe if God wants a woman to have a child, He will override her attempt to play God (as He was able to make a barren womb fruitful in the Bible). Also, I truly believe He gave me a consequence for my ignorant actions by not being able to have any more children. Even though it was my decision to get cut and tied after the c-section due to doubt of being able to care for any more, God made doubly sure there wouldn't be any more blessings. The size of my baby caused the lower half of my abdominal wall to split wide open resulting in my guts to literally hang out. I then had to go through another surgery to have my abdomen sewn back up and a massive amount of skin removed. During two months of recovery I couldn't care for our newborn like other moms can and was absolutely miserable. I was not allowed to hold anything over 10 pounds and couldn't breast feed, so he had to rest on a pillow instead of my arms. My child is a miracle child and am so thankful God chose for him to be conceived against my selfish desire. Everyday I see why he was brought into this world. I pray for the women who want children, but are having trouble, that God would bless them with a child. Thanks so much for your blog :)

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  14. Hello Zsuzsanna

    Interesting read. You have really stirred up the hornets nest. I wanted to tell you my own story.

    I am 40 and all though my life I was pro-choice due to my own family background. I also believed in birth control to reduce the number of 'unwanted children' inside the world.

    Long story short, I am now pro-life and my views were changed by study of scripture whilst listening to sermons by preachers against birth control.

    However I go to a church that is the polar opposite. They are from a country that is poor and they firmly believe that a woman and man has the right to use birth control and to sterilise themselves if necessary. Also they are not exactly against abortions for poorer women.

    The pastors and wives in this church do not have big families. Some deliberately choose not to have any at all.

    The husbands have vasectomies and when I did ask a newly married pastors wife if she and her husband were going to have children her answer - "No. because raising children on the mission field is not easy and you have to organise schooling blah blah.

    The head pastor of our church said once that if he could be younger again, he would not have had any children because it was hard as the church moved them to different countries where sometimes there were civil wars etc.... his children (two girls) who married pastors, decided that neither of them wanted to have any children because they had to go though some very rough times whilst growing up. One being locked up in a cupboard whilst their babysitter spent time with her boyfriend because Mum was helping dad with the church.

    Another senior pastor also said that you don't need to have any children, the world is overpopulated as it is. He and his wife in their 30s do not have any children at all.

    My question to you what do you think of my churches stance on this? do you believe that a decision to prevent yourself from having children is a good idea if you intend to go overseas a lot on the mission field.

    I would really appreciate your comment. Thanks.

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    1. Hi there I'm not zsuzsanna but I read and believe the same bible and these so called pastors you are talking about are not even qualified to be pastors because they don't have any children according to 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1.

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  15. Some how I doubt that the Andersons have a viable plan to get 9 children financially through college.

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    1. They don't plan to go to college.

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    2. College is, for most people, a waste of time, money and energy.

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  16. This post has reassured me so very much. I'm 19 and most of the time all I can think about is having a baby I've dreamt of it multiple times; and everytime I see a cute little baby in the store my bowls yearn to create one of my own. I thought I was weird because of this desire, because my family around me feels entirely different about the matter. But I am engaged and this makes me feel better and gives me hope about starting my marriage the right way, without birth control. P.s I love your family. ❤️

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  17. If god really wants a person to have a baby, is birth control really mighty enough to stop that conception? A lot of people limit the number of kids they have because love and the bible won't fill hungry bellies, and with the skyrocketing cost of housing in many areas of this country, the more kids there are, the less time there is to homeschool (if you do that instead of public) since both parents have to work to the bone to afford rent, utilities, and food. Not all families have a large blind following willing to toss money at them. Most of us have to do it all on our own, and so limit our families to what we can reasonably afford. And don't give me that line about how the lord will provide. Countless families trust him, and end up with so many kids that they and their children end up homeless and hungry.

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  18. Thank you for this post. You put into words what I couldn't. I want more but feel like I need to be more appreciated, loved and supported, not financially, but in all child aspects to be able to handle another one with out resentment. The selfish mumbling of what he doesn't have time to do now really grate on me!!!

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  19. Contraceptions ruin marriage no more than aspirin.

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  20. I currently have 3 children and want more, but my husband does not. I think he is stressed because finances have been tight - he owns his own business. But I know that the Lord always provides. I just keep praying and know that we have plenty of time for him to come around, our youngest is only 10 months old! I have never done birth control, just keep track of my cycle. I can't imagine adding more hormones to my already hormonal body! lol

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  21. I'm 30 and unmarried. I don't have children. I have never wanted children.

    I have a non-hormonal IUD, and have for the past 8 years. I'm actually really, really happy with this lot in life. Not everyone is meant to have children.

    My parents had me at 15. My sister had her first at 15, now has 4. My next sister had hers at 18, now has 3. My youngest sister had her first at 20, now has 3.

    There are more than enough kids in just that lot to replace me. Not all women need to have children to be useful in the world. It's not our only purpose in life.

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  22. My lost husband left for many years and I was nearing the end of childbearing years by the time the Lord mercifully restored our marriage. We have been trying for over 12 months for a baby. Please pray the Lord will bless us with one or more :)
    God bless you.

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  23. I'm so glad not to have had any more children than I do (2). Otherwise, fleeing my abusive husband would have been much more difficult, if not impossible.

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    1. Why did you marry him?

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  24. I am one of those wives who is willing to have more but has an unwilling spouse, so here is my two cents: I would never THINK of leaving my husband over such a thing. Any woman who does is selfish. Plain and simple. You married your husband before you had any children. You promised to love him for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. This life is not about what you want all the time. Children are indeed a blessing, and I believe that one party can indeed want to stop having them for selfish reasons, but not always. In my case, my husband is older. He has other LEGITIMATE reasons he does not want more children. I do not consider him a selfish man....I would have sensed that in him while we were dating and would likely not have married him to begin with. If God wants us to have more children, he will override birth control (which He CAN and DOES do all the time) or He will change my husband's mind and heart. Simple as that. MY job is to love my husband and be the faithful spouse God called me to be. Believe it or not, it's not God's will for every family to have multiple children. "Be fruitful and multiply" is not specific to a certain number of children. I've read your previous posts on birth control and I respectfully disagree. Onan's sin was rebellion and disobedience in that particular situation to a direct command from God, not practicing birth control. I rest my case.

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    1. I would have written this myself but you wrote it better. I

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  25. Are you also against barrier methods?

    They don't do anything hormonal.

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  26. My last childbirth had me coding twice. I am physically unable to have more children, but we have touched countless lives through foster care. One path is not for everyone. The idea that everyone should have more and more and more children with no thought for health of the mother is a slippery slope. Remember Andrea Yates? Severe postpartum psychosis. She should not have continued reproducing, obviously.

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  27. It is a gift of God to be married and Blessed with children and I am thankful every day of my life, no riches in the world are worth more to me than my husband and our children.

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  28. The statistics are flawed: marriages where no contraceptives are used are mostly with fundamentally religious people who would never get a divorce. This does not say anything about the happiness of a marriage. It is a correlation, not a causal relation. Besides, many marriages are happy when they have just the right amount of children - just as many as both parents want, so all children can be fed, clothed, enjoy their hobbies, and receive their individual share of attention. Using contraceptives is a safe way to achieve that. Not every woman wants to have a dozen kids. Some don't want any at all - and they are happy, too!

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  29. My husband has a job in a trade. He is an honest, hard worker. His salary is not great but it's not poverty level either. It is enough to provide food, clothing, and shelter for a family of four with no extras, and absolutely no luxuries. Our home is very small, two bedrooms, one bath, and our two children share a room. We have a very happy marriage, a happy home, and our children are amazing. We are blessed beyond compare, and I can't imagine life any differently. If we had any more children, we would not be able to afford to live, much less feed them. Would we love to have more? Of course. But we have decided together that two children is perfect for us. So I'm not sure where you get the information that birth control destroys marriages or that if I do not want a baby, my husband failed to make me feel safe, loved, and supported. That is the farthest from the truth, not only for me, but for many women I know.

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  30. Hi, I would love to have more children. So far we have been blessed with one little son. Unfortunately he has a genetic defect, which was passed on by me (his mum). We are now worried that any other children we have will have the same problem. The genetic defect effects the nervouse cells which causes severe developmental delays and similar symptoms to cerebral palsy. Some children die a horrible death at the age of 4. Others live to be 65 years and older. I do not know what to do. Do I risk a child being born and suffer a horrible death at a very yOung age. The chance of that is 25%. Or do I go with artfificial insamination (there is a technique now where the dna of the egg cell can be tested before being fertilized). We do want more children. Has anybody any thoughts on this?

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  31. Wow! What an unbalanced, legalistic, and downright feminist ( anti-male ) point of view. You seem to assume that husbands have some inherent vanity that compels them to limit their families because they are jealous of their own children. Your Bible example is an extremely poor one. My Bible says that women were created first and foremost to be a help meet for their husbands—not for their children. The husband comes first, not the kids. In Titus 2 women are to teach other women to love their husbands (then) love their children. You have it backwards.
    You seem to assume it is always the husband who wants to limit a family. Not everyone woman is cut out either physically or emotionally to be a mother of a large family. To suggest that it is somehow wrong, selfish or sinful to use birth control, or to otherwise limit the number of children a couple decides to have is just plain legalistic and self-righteous. The letter of the law kills! I am reminded of a dear friend who was a homeschool mom of six children. She was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and wanted to quit having any more children. Her husband was working virtually 24/7 to provide for them and was seldom home to help. Finances were always an issue. Their tiny three bedroom rented house was way too small. Between being pregnant, tired, broke, and trying to keep house, and home school too, she just plain couldn’t cope any more. She was an emotional wreck. Unfortunately, her husband is the one that insisted they continue to grow their family. The last time I saw her she was just as unhappy, and had three more children added to the brood. Is God somehow more pleased now than He was before? Is this family now somehow more spiritual?? Does God not have compassion on this mother?? This woman suffers from perpetual guilt for believing she is somehow not good enough, not spiritual enough, and “lacks faith” because she is so emotionally and physically drained. She feels guilty she cannot give the individual attention to each child that she would like to, and that their lives have suffered for it. Last I heard, the older kids left home as soon as they were able, and joined the military. Nothing wrong with the military, but they wanted to put as much distance between themselves and home as possible. I think you should be careful before you make such proud pronouncements against things you have no right to interfere with!

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  32. I have an autism spectrum disorder. I struggle with a lot of things that having children would greatly exacerbate. As a result I am choosing to be child free. And I'm grateful for birth control for allowing me to have that choice. My husband is supportive and if he wasn't I wouldn't be married to him. I know what I can handle and children aren't it. There are many different kinds of people, religion and families in this world, and although greatly religious people of all faiths don't support or condone people who live those different kind of lives, they do exist and they do matter. Btw, birth control doesn't affect my sex drive in the slightest. I would have sex multiple times a day if my husband's diabetes didn't put a damper on things. Having children would put a damper on my sex drive and the ability to be a good wife and person. Since I have to comment anonymously my email is bweaver83@gmail.com if you want to send comments.

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  33. Before I say anything else I will say I am a Christian. I'm Very happily married for almost 9 years to a most beautiful man who has always loved, respected me and made me feel safe.
    We made the decision to use contraception in the first few years of marriage (not hormonal as I don't like the idea) and it was a joint decision we were both 100% on the same page with. It was a great time to solidify our relationship, get to know each other better in our marriage and set ourselves up for having a family as well as establish my career as a nurse one that since having children I now think I'm even better at and have so much more to offer.
    After our third child was born we both knew our family was complete (we had always said no more than three and I had complications and was advised no more anyway) so we sent my hubby off for a vasectomy and it has been the most wonderful thing for our marriage. This nonsense that because I'm a woman I WILL inherently want more children is insane or that I will resent my husband in the future because he can't give me more children. It's quite the contrary actually- our marriage has never been better I'm much more willing to 'spend alone time' now knowing I'm not risking getting pregnant something I DON'T want and I can guarantee will never again. im not only a pastors kid but also a missionary kid- I can't tell u how many highly disfunctional and damaged marriages Ive seen in my 31 years growing up in the church. Off the top of my head I can think of 15 no kidding that have ended in divorce due to hyper religiosity and archaic patriarchal views that have suppressed and suffocated women (including my own mother) and forced marriage to young people for all the wrong reasons. I know God loves me and has blessed our family in every way even though i 'shamefully' only had 3 children

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  34. Dude I have lost physical desire and it may be hormonal but I am not on birth control. So there isn't a perfect correlation.

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  35. I understand that this could be the situation in some marriages but definitely not all of them. You have to take many things into consideration here. I know many women who would suffer physically due to debilitating diseases if they had more children, me being one of them. What good would I be if I was extremely sick & couldn't take care of the family I already have? Or the mother who would be putting her life & her unborn baby's life in danger if she has more children? Or the mother who loves her children but just can't emotionally handle having more? Or the family that struggles financially with the 5 kids they already have? It's not always the "whining" husbands idea and I am sorry that you feel that way. We spent a long time in prayer, sought counsel from our pastor & doctor, and decided on tubal ligation. Yes at times we have the desire to have a baby but neither of us blame God or each other as we know that it was Gods will for us & we are content with that. Unfortunately you have taken a very difficult situation sometimes heart wrenching decision and made those who have made this choice feel even worse. Not all of us were intended to have 15 kids and it's ridiculous for you to think so. God has a different purpose & plan for each of us. My husband is not a whiner, nor is he a drill sergeant. He is my best friend & I have no desire to find a new one nor do I hold contempt for him.

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  36. You said "Which mother would ever choose one of her own children over ten of them?".
    The obvious answer is, no mother would. But you do seem to have an unlimited source of money. Most of us are not that fortunate, no matter how hard we try, money doesn't grow on trees. My family income has reached its limit. We just cannot afford to feed another mouth. If I had another child, I'd have to choose which one to not feed. Any suggestions?

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