Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Some thoughts on Miscarriage

A reader from Ohio left a comment asking for my thoughts on miscarriage. She had asked for the comment not to be published, but did not include an email address to which I could respond. 

Not wanting to ignore her questions, I decided to write a general post on this topic.

Dear E.,

I am very sorry for your loss, and hope you are recovering well. 

You asked whether I thought that "everything happens for a reason" or just that these things happen as part of living in an imperfect world - I think it is a bit of both. Yes, we live in an imperfect world that exposes us to maybe unnecessary hazards, particularly in regards to the health and safety of our unborn. Most of the time, we have no way to protect ourselves from these dangers - one example would be our toxic drinking water. But at the same time, I do firmly believe that God is in control, and that if we pray for His protection, He will only allow such circumstances to turn out one way or the other based on His plans.

The Bible over and over again makes it clear that life begins at conception - the moment the sperm and egg unite. 

Here is one example:
Isa 7:14  Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. 

Mat 1:23  Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.
It is clear that the Bible, in quoting from Isaiah, equates "conceiving" with "being with child".

The following verse in Hosea shows the progression of pregnancy, in reverse order:
Hos 9:11  As for Ephraim, their glory shall fly away like a bird, from the birth, and from the womb, and from the conception.
Pregnancy, which the Bible calls "being with child", is again shown to begin at conception, continue through the time in the womb, and end in birth.

Right from the very beginning, this is a new human life, with a unique soul and spirit, regardless of how "developed" it may appear. This is one reason why many Christians do not approve of fertility treatments or methods of birth control that destroy life at any time after conception (i.e., IVF, birth control pills, IUDs, etc).

Furthermore, the Bible is clear on the fact that young children, babies, and the unborn that are too young to believe on God for salvation are not held accountable, and go to heaven when they die.
Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck? For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest, With kings and counsellors of the earth, which built desolate places for themselves; Or with princes that had gold, who filled their houses with silver: Or as an hidden untimely birth I had not been; as infants which never saw light. There the wicked cease from troubling; and there the weary be at rest. There the prisoners rest together; they hear not the voice of the oppressor. The small and great are there; and the servant is free from his master.
(Job 3:11-19)
And Nathan departed unto his house. And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick. David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth. And the elders of his house arose, and went to him, to raise him up from the earth: but he would not, neither did he eat bread with them. And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. And the servants of David feared to tell him that the child was dead: for they said, Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead? But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat. Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread. And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.
(2Sa 12:15-23)
I hope these verses will help and encourage you. My husband showed them to me when we lost our first child to miscarriage shortly after finding out we were expecting - it was a very devastating experience. Twelve years later, I still remember the details, just as I remember the births of our other children vividly. 

Many blessings to you and your family!


  1. I have lost a daughter in miscarriage. I also have a special needs child. We can trust the Lord with our children. Yes, we do live in a fallen world. None of our bodies are perfect. We all have injured cells that can cause all kinds of problems in our growth and development. The Lord is gracious to take children home quickly who would suffer tremendously if they were to live long on this earth. That is his choice and mercy. Someday I will see her, but for now I can rest well knowing that she is cared for perfectly with the Lord and suffers none of the grief we still see in this world. She is already healed of whatever afflicted her. I remember every detail just as you, and I still catch a tear now and then, but she is safely home ahead of the rest of us so that is good. God bless you all.

  2. Miscarriages can be devestating. I have had 2 and was able to have 2 girls. I truly believe all babies are pure and they will go to heaven. It is when they are introduced to the "evils" of our world that they become sinners like all of us. My recommendation for E is to get lots of rest and I pray peace for her. Clare

  3. Very nicely put. I couldn't agree more with your post.

  4. I was wondering, do you include that baby in the count of your children?

  5. If "E" would also like to read some comforting books to help her during this time, I recommend these:

    "Known Only To God" by Martha Cummings Love http://swordbooks.com/knownonlytogod.aspx

    "In God's Hands: Death in the Womb by Tricia Hanke. http://helpinghurtingheartstoheal.blogspot.com/

  6. This was a very kind and thoughtful post!

    J from NC

  7. To date, I have been lucky enough to have never suffered a miscarriage. All of my pregnancies, thank God, resulted in the birth of a healthy child. But I have seen a number of friends go through it, and it is about as difficult an experience as you could have...I hope E is albe to heal, both physically and emotionally, soon.

    (I still don't believe that life begins at conception, though, but that's beside the point. When you want a baby, it is heart-breaking to lose that pregnancy.)

  8. While I very rarely agree with most of your thoughts on politics, spirituality, and religion ( I read mostly because I think you're a great mom and I enjoy all your green/organic/healthy living ideals. The homeschool stuff is also cool), I did appreciate this post. It was well thought out and very well written. The hope and comfort you gave this woman, I'm sure, will do her a world of good.

  9. I have lost one baby to miscarriage (12 week gestational age) and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through. I still grieve every October 20th (my baby's EDD) even though I miscarried 5 years ago.

    May the Lord give this momma a special blessing through her grief.

  10. I had 3, 1 being identical twins @11 weeks. I too remember every detail just like my other childrens births. Our comfort is surely in the Lord and the peace in knowing that I will see them again in Heaven.
    Someone recently shared this http://www.amazon.com/Biblical-Theology-Miscarriage-Doug-Phillips/dp/098294523X/ref=pd_ybh_21 CD on Fb, not sure on the theology lining up exactly with how I believe, but it did look interesting. I am thinking of getting it sometime just to see if it is something to pass on. It seems some times that people think losing a child early in the womb is nothing, and the can be a little cold. After going thru it, I try to be very sensitive to others.

  11. Zsuzsanna,
    Thank you for taking the time to write a post on this subject. I didn't realize I forgot to include my email. These verses do bring comfort my heart and are very helpful.
    Blessings to you and your family,

  12. A most kind and gentle post to share with a mother's hurting heart at losing a child to miscarriage. Thank you so much for sharing these kind and loving reminders that God is with us always.

    Be in good health
    Blessings, Mrs. Mari

  13. I too have had one miscarriage at 14 weeks. And I have never gotten pregnant since despite never using birth control. That was 8 years ago and still one of the most painful things I endure as an adult. Most women never expect to be 35 and childless.

  14. I think its nice that you wanted to offer some hope and consolation for a women who has suffered a the loss of a child through miscarriage. I have had 5 and during that time of grief there is often little constructive comfort to be found. My 6th pregnancy resulted in the 6 month old who is presently rolling around on my living room floor. Miracles happen. The specialists had little hope for me beyond using donated eggs, which wasnt an option.

  15. My 17 year old daughter, Meredith, was killed in a car accident four years ago. The devastation of that day is still with me. The tears still fall, but peace has begun to bloom. She knew Christ, so I know I will be with her again one day. This is where the peace began after her death - with this comforting thought. A miscarriage - I view the same way. A miscarried baby will be awaiting her mother in heaven, just as my daughter will be there when I go. My prayer is for peace and comfort for any woman who has lost a child, under any circumstances. Zsuzsanna, your response was beautifully put and I would love to share it on my blog - which, by the way, your blog has inspired me to start.


Your KINDLY WORDED, constructive comments are welcome, whether or not they express a differing opinion. All others will be deleted without second thought.