Friday, May 9, 2014

Our little twin

Many thanks to everyone who has expressed their congratulations and well wishes. Boaz and I are recovering well, enjoying this special time of him being a tiny newborn. The family is adjusting with relative ease. Stephen of course looks like a giant toddler by comparison now. He is rather thrilled about no longer being the "baby", and absolutely delights in being all over Boaz, pulling back his blanket, patting his head, and the like.

As much as I don't like to talk about it, the fact remains that this was a twin pregnancy. I know many of you are wondering, or have asked, about the other baby. 

(Trigger warning - post contains image of a stillborn baby's hands) 



Jachin Thomas Anderson was born first, at 7:33 am on Tuesday, May 6, weighing in just a tad above 2 ounces, and measuring 6 inches in length. I birthed him into my hands in the tub. Before going into labor, based on the last ultrasound, we did not know what to expect because he was not visible during that exam. During labor, however, when my midwife checked me, she could feel him, and that he was presenting first. 



His body was tiny - it perfectly filled the palm of my hand - but in very good condition. He certainly was very recognizable, with all his features. Even the tone of his skin was very natural. Considering that he had passed away four moths before birth, about half-way through the pregnancy, this was equally amazing and unlikely. I am thankful that we were able to "meet" his earthly self in a peaceful, dignified manner, in the quiet privacy of our own home. Following the advice I had read and been given regarding sibling loss, we gave the older children the option to see Jachin if they wanted (they all did).

I had made all the necessary phone calls and arrangements for burial, should it become necessary, months earlier, so all I needed to do following the birth was to contact everyone and let them know the time had come. 

We buried Jachin on Thursday, May 8th, at 10 am in a brief, private ceremony at a small cemetery I had picked out. The only people in attendance were our family of ten, Grandma, and my midwife. The latter two had been there all along the way through the surgeries, the loss, and right up through the birth.


Naturally, the events this week were all very emotionally charged. While we took many photos of everything, as well as a video of the burial, these are for our own private use only, and not intended for the public eye.

We are thanking and praising God for bringing us through this trial with a healthy baby boy to call our own, and another one to share eternity with someday. While I am deeply grieved by the loss, I am also thankful for everything that has turned out so well in spite of the odds, and thankful for Jachin's brief life, knowing one day we will see him again. 



For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. ~ I Thessalonians 4:14


22 comments:

  1. Oh, Zsuzsa. Weeping as I look at those perfect, precious, tiny hands. He is beautiful. I'm so glad you and the family got to hold and treasure him and honor his little life with such a beautiful burial. Your whole article is a testimony to the preciousness of those little ones who don't get to stay with us after birth. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Rejoicing and grieving at the same time with you all,
    Diana

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  2. Azt gondoltam, hogy a pici angyalka neve Joachim lesz, nem sokat tévedtem. Nagyon szép szertartás volt, méltóképpen búcsúztatták, családi körben. Hozzon a kis Boaz rengeteg örömöt a családba. Nagyon jól néz ki a képen mindenki. Még soha nem mondtam egyben őszinte részvétnyilvánítást és hatalmas gratulációt - kicsit furcsán érzem magam. Enyhítse fájdalmukat a hitük és szeretetük, legyenek nagyon boldogok, Zsuzsanna.

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  3. Prayers for comfort. Sorry for your loss but rejoicing with you all for little Boaz!

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  4. Awwwe, so precious and sacred. His little hands.....precious and perfectly made. No words. Thankful for the hope you will meet again. Thankful for Boaz and your entire family. Tearin' up here. Love to you all.

    Argons

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  5. Thank you for sharing your other precious boy. May Jachin be at peace and remembered always. Wishing you and your family well as you come to terms with his loss and share your joy in the safe arrival of Boaz.

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  6. What perfect precious hands. As sorry as I am that you had to experience this, I am glad you were able to meet Jachin and say good bye properly and with grace, and that his first moments on earth were in his house with his family.

    Love, blessings and gentle thoughts to you all. May your recovery from the birth be easy and gentle, and Boaz bring you comfort and joy. Annabelle

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  7. Thank you for sharing such a painful and sad situation. Those tiny hands were so beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss, yet thankful for darling Boaz. Prayers for all. Tiffany F

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  8. You are very brave, as well as the other members of your family. I hope you are doting on the new baby boy and living your life despite the grief.

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  9. Thank you for always sharing your situations with us, whether it is joyous or heartbreaking, we love to hear from you. We can't image your mixed emotions and feelings right now but we are here and thinking of you always. Prayers of comfort and strength from our family to yours, Zsuzsanna. We also congratulate you and your family on little Boaz's arrival:)
    The Freund Family

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss. It brings tears to my eyes, yet knowing you will be reunited someday with your precious baby boy is wonderful. Prayers to your family.

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  11. I can't help but cry, but also feel joy knowing that you all will be with Jachin again. Praying for comfort, and rejoicing that baby Boaz is here, and you both are healthy.

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  12. What a heartbreaking and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing his precious birth story with us and your heart. I pray God will continue to comfort you. We are here if you need anything!

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  13. God bless your family. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet precious baby. The photo of his precious hands is lovely and heartbreaking. I am so happy Boaz is healthy and happy. Your family is in my prayers. With Love, Karen E

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  14. Dear Zsuzsanna , I want to say once again how sorry I am for your loss , this post was just heart breaking , I am glad you got to have a home birth after all you have been through , I loved the names you picked out and Boaz is so adorable , all of your kids are adorable , your family is always in my prayers , Dawn .

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  15. Thank you for sharing Jachin's story with us. My heart goes out to you.

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  16. What beautiful boys both are. Praying for your family.

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  17. The loss of a life is always sad. It must be hard to experience the joy of having baby Boza with the grief of loosing baby Jachin. I hope that you and your family have lots of love and support to get you through this hard time.

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  18. His tiny hands are amazing, and it looks like it was a beautiful service. So sorry for your loss and thankful Baby Bo arrived safely. Love, Raani

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  19. You will always be a twin momma now and what a wonderful way to honor your child. You guys are amazing!

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  20. A beautiful way to honour your wee boy. My condolences to you all x

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  21. God is good- all the time! Your attitude throughout this pregnancy and birth has without a doubt brought glory to God!

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  22. I almost cried seeing htose tiny hands God bless you Zussana I may not know you but I know this is hard, my mother lost a baby to miscarriage to she didnt know she was pregnant

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