Friday, August 17, 2012

Spoiled

There are many benefits to having a large family. Such as: people with few children will stop giving their unsolicited advice, assuming I must know at least as much about how to deal with a child as they do. This is not always true (because our oldest is only 10, so that's as far up as my experience goes) - but I am glad nonetheless that I don't have to listen to wrong advice all the time.

Advice, such as: if you hold that baby all day, he will get spoiled. 




For starters, I don't think a young baby can be spoiled. Yes, they might prefer being held over being laid down, but that's pretty much default programming from the womb, and babies have to be taught otherwise. There is a time for that - but not for newborns.

Stephen has spent almost his entire life outside the womb in my arms, or sleeping by my side at night. He is spoiling me much more than I am spoiling him. As I am typing this, he is asleep high up on my chest, with my cheek brushing up against his peachy face and taking in that wonderful baby smell. He will grow out of this stage much too soon, and be too busy running around to even stop to hug me. 

Besides all that, never again in his life will it be so easy to make Stephen happy. As he grows older, the demands on him, and his problems and trials in life, will only become more, and more serious. As a grown man, he will spend his every day working hard, getting injured in the process, struggling to provide for his own family, and deal with a host of problems I won't be able to help him with. But I can hold him now, and make his every day happy and blissful. 


But if a man live many years, and rejoice in them all; yet let him remember the days of darkness; for they shall be many. All that cometh is vanity. - Ecclesiastes 11:8

20 comments:

  1. I completely agree. Babies are so much happier when they are held close to mom. I have my 10 month old sleeping in my arms right now as I type this. What kind of sling are you using?

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  2. Did you sew that sling or buy it? I'm trying to decide what kind to get for my little one that should arrive next month. I hated the carriers I used with my first.

    Beth

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  3. Hi, I've been following your blog for a long time and i wanted to know your thoughts on something. If, God forbid, a woman has an eptopic pregnancy, what should she do?

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  4. I just spent this afternoon holding my little girl. Even though she is 10 months, I too just love to hold them... ALOT. She is already mobile and almost walking and my days are limited! :-)

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  5. Beautiful! Thank you =)

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  6. I always hated that advise. I was told that when my oldest child was born and even though I was only 18 and not experienced as a mother, I knew intensively that it was stupid to say I was spoiling my new baby just by holding him. I also hated being told to let him cry it out. I refused to ever let him just lay in his bed and cry and I was told I was just spoiling him by picking him up when he cried. What kind of Dr.s were there in the 70's and earlier telling women to ignore their crying babies and to never hold them? I loved nothing more than the feel of my little ones in my arms and when they cried it was because they needed me for something even if it was just for comfort. I'm glad I didn't ever listen to that poor advice. I'm glad I didn't pass it on to the next generation.

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  7. So true and so beautifuly said. Time goes by all too soon enjoy every minute!

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  8. Yup, sure looks like a spoiled baby to me. Can't you just see the seething willfulness? You'd best back away before he gets ideas in his head.


    (I'm pretty sure it's impossible to spoil someone who only sleeps, eats, and lies there.)

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  9. From day 1 of motherhood, I've never believed such nonsense about spoiling newborns, etc. Yes, it meant that I would have an infant attached to me all the time. And yes, it means that I have a new sleeping buddy each time one is born. But I learned that's what works best for our family. Everyone sleeps; everyone is content; life's short, so we enjoy the cuddles while we can. Why would I want my infant to "not be spoiled" anyway? Is it a good thing for a baby to learn that he should just get over it, because no one will respond to his crying? I want my babies to think of mommy as the safe, comfortable, and nurturing person who meets their needs when they can't yet even communicate them. Maybe I'm crazy, but I've never understood how one could achieve that by leaving the baby alone. And so what if the baby gets away with getting me to pick him up when nothing is "wrong." Yes, he just wanted to be upright with mom so he could take a look around. Well....that sounds like a pretty good reason to me. How would you like it if you couldn't sit up and move around, but you knew there was activity going on around you that you want to observe and scenery that's definitely more interesting than laying in one spot staring at the ceiling? Everyone always notices how they are "spoiled" when they stop fussing after you pick them up, as if wanting held is not a worthy enough request... Is it me or is this insane? I'm writing on behalf of the babies... WANTING HELD is a legit request! Lol.

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  10. First of all, that baby is picture perfect. Would have been nice to see you too in that picture! I love the baby sling thingie.
    Spoil him with all the love you can because sooner than you'd realize you'll be chasing after him as he runs giggling across the house and you can't lay your hands on him that easily any longer.
    Lovely, lovely post. Thanks so much for sharing.

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  11. people with few children will stop giving their unsolicited advice
    --promise? Because I will be happy if my childless relative stops giving me (stupid) advice. ;-)

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  12. Belated congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! Holding and bonding with a baby seems like it would be instinctual. I had our daughter on the 27th of July, she is our first child and we feel extremely blessed to have her. She was born extremely early however (23weeks and 6 days gestation) and tonight I got to hold her for the very first time. It was an amazing feeling. The NICU she is in promotes Kangaroo care, skin to skin contact between mother and baby. It has been proven to help premies thrive. I would imagine that contact would be just as important in a full term baby.

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  13. I so agree. You can never hold a baby too much. It makes them feel secure.

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  14. Hi Zsuzsanna
    I have been reading your blog for a while. I don’t always agree with your views and am in a lot of ways everything you don’t agree with. I am Catholic. I am a working mom, though I have arranged with my employer to work from home and flexible hours so that I am not forced into putting my daughter in childcare. However, I read your blog because regardless of the views I disagree with, you are an amazing mother and your beliefs around childcare are inspirational. I live in South Africa where breastfeeding (especially in public), any form of attachment parenting etc is not viewed favourably – though I think attachment parenting is acceptable only to a degree, as there is a place for discipline and a time at which it becomes inappropriate. My daughter is 15 months. For the first 12 months, I believe a child cannot be spoiled. I loved and cuddled and used any opportunity to be as close to her as possible. In fact she spent many a day on my lap feeding or just cuddling while I worked. I think people who think holding or cuddling a baby is “spoiling” are depriving themselves of such a special bond. Now that our daughter is at an age where she can start understanding instruction and discipline, I believe she is in fact thriving and turning into well behaved little girl because she is secure in knowing our love for her because we “spoilt” her with love in the early months. Life is so tough and difficult, the least we can do for our children is give them that closeness they need early on, as a foundation to being able to brave the tough world later on. Well done on everything you are achieving as a mother and homemaker.

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  15. I believe this is the first time I can say I agree with you wholeheartedly.

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  16. I agree. Whoever holds the baby the most is the spoiled one.

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  17. Beautiful beautiful post. My mother in law is one of those women who believes babies can be spoiled if you hold them too much. When I explained how that cannot be true, she seemed so relieved that she could indulge in holding her new twin grandbabies as much as she wanted:)

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  18. Stephen looks so cute in that sling , I can't wait to hold my baby . I left you some comments on your post after you had Stephen but its not leaving my name again but I am glad everything is going great he is so adorable . Dawn.

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