Friday, April 13, 2012

It's a good thing I don't work

I am so glad I don't work, because even my foot-loose, fancy-free lifestyle of playing all day has me dropping into bed dead tired every night. 

Like we didn't already know this, stay-at-home moms were once again told this week that they have never worked a day in their lives. I'm here to prove how true this is: 

- Balancing a family budget that actually has to add up in the black each month is infinitely less challenging than running up corporate debt, and then depending on dishonest business practices, credit, bailouts, and bankruptcy to take care of the mess. Stay-at-home moms know nothing about "real world" finances.

- Teachers, cooks, childcare workers, maids, chauffeurs, nurses, landscapers, handymen, buying agents, housekeepers, nannies, counselors, judges, secretaries, consultants, librarians, bookkeepers, nutritionists, laundresses, etc. etc. are all worthwhile occupations, so long as their labors are bestowed on strangers outside the immediate family. Dropping my own kids off in school while I myself teach a classroom of kids would be very noble - unfortunately, I am just a stupid and selfish homeschool mom, though.

- Being awoken at 3 AM to a child throwing up all over the floor is nothing. I mean, every job keeps you on the clock, 24/7, with never a day off, ever ready to leap out of bed and jump right into action on more nights than not. Who in the working world is not required to scrub floors, change bedding, and start a load of laundry in the middle of the night, all with minimal lighting, and as silently as possible, so as to not disturb all the people sleeping peacefully? 

- Speaking of being sick, it is a common workplace hazard to be nauseous and throwing up for weeks and months on end as part of any job. Just think of workers who have to clean up chemical spills and radioactive disasters. Yup, this is no biggie - all good workers everywhere deal with this minor inconvenience.

- Most of all, because I have never worked a day in my life since getting married, I don't know what a real paycheck looks like. To me, it's just this...

or this...

or this...

Yup, what do I know, anyway.

If stay-at-home moms have never worked a day in their lives, then working moms have never been a mother for one day in their lives.


  1. My sentiments exactly. Some people completely baffle me. Like this mom I know (thinking to your 3AM barfing kid) who would take her sick child across the street to her mother's house in the middle of the night because she had "been up all night" and had to go to "work" the next day. Could you imagine?

    I'm definitely not supporting Romney for president, but I enjoyed reading Ann Romney's retort via Twitter.

  2. While I agree that parenting is a full-time challenging occupation, this supposes that working moms don't do any parenting. I would hazard a guess that most working moms are like me and essentially have two full time jobs. I do most of the laundry, food prep, shopping, cleaning, playing with the kids etc. in the few hours I have before and and after work. My weekends are joyfully full with family activities and homecooked meals. I love both my jobs and believe that they are both extremely important for my family's well-being. I'm fortunate, like you are, to be in a position to choose how to spend my days.

    As an aside, the Romney's live in the town neighboring the one I live in. I assure you than Mrs. Romney was blessed with the full complement of domestic help (there was even a well-publicized incident about their landscapers employing illegal immigrants). So, no, she doesn't understand what it's like to be a mother working outside the home or what it's like to be a home-schooling mom. However, most working mothers (excepting those who get no maternity leave) know exactly what it's like to be a stay-at-home mother as we each experienced this for varying periods of time before resuming employment outside our homes.


  3. Hehehe! I LOVE your pay cheques! :)

  4. If stay-at-home moms have never worked a day in their lives, then working moms have never been a mother for one day in their lives.

    Could not agree more.


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  6. I don't understand why there has to be such a battle between stay-at-home mums and working mums and who is doing the better job. Surely if we are happy and our children are happy and well cared for that is what matters.

    I worked hard when I was a stay-at-home mum. My husband worked hard as a stay-at-home dad. We have both worked hard in the work force. My relationship with my children did not change when I went from stay-at-home mum to working mum. My husbands relationship with the children improved when he went from working dad to stay-at-home dad. (We both get up at night to clean up vomit but my husband does the laundry.) I think we all need to accept that different things work in different families and we should support each others choices rather than criticise.

  7. Love your post.

    I have been both a working mom and a stay at home mom,a dn both are the hardest jobs ever. I loved being a stay at home mom, and at the same time I have never been so happy to crawl into bed at night, and equally happy to wakeup and begin the day again.

    I think the woman that made these comments about SAHM needs to educate herself on reality.

    -Mrs. Mari

  8. As someone who spent 6 years working outside the home and 13 years as a stay-at-home mom, I'm so tired of this argument.

    Both jobs are hard, both jobs have their advantages and disadvantages.

    Some of us have choices, some of us don't and have to work whether we want to our not, What is important is that we support each other as women.

    For instance my friend had to go back to work sooner than expected after her baby was born (baby was only 6 weeks old). I volunteered to care for the baby while she is at work until he older. Thus she doesn't have to worry about her little one in daycare and I get a cute baby to play with during the day.

  9. I work hard like you all day and love it. I did read a post on a social network from a mom who said she doesn't feel busy being a stay at home mom and that it's not that hard. But she has one child in preschool and a housekeeper . She didn't say if she eats out or not but I wouldn't be suprised if she does. I homeschool , cook and bake everyday if we eat out it's only once in awhile. I don't have a housekeeper either.

  10. You failed to miss the point of the accusation.

    Do you work hard? Yes. Does your average SAHM work hard? Yes. Does any average mother-working outside the or not- work hard? Yes.

    Ann Romney is not your average mother. Do you think she does all of the things you do? Her day looks nothing like yours. She doesn't have to balance the household budget - she's incredibly wealthy. She doesn't doesn't have to worry if the need for car repairs conflicts with a child's need to replace outgrown clothes or shoes. She doesn't have to be awakened at 3AM because her full-time nanny takes care of that. Her chauffeur drives the kids where they need to go. Her cook prepares their meals.

    Just because a mother stays at home, presumably with her kids, doesn't mean she's raising them anymore than it means a mother who works outisde the home isn't raising them. I believe the statement is correct. Ann Romney doesn't work. She hires the staff to do it for her. Stop trying to spin this statement as a liberal attack on all SAHM. As much as you want to believe that, it's just not true.

  11. Great post , us stay at home moms just love all of our free time to do whatever we want :) lol...

  12. Obama said that they never had the "luxury" of Michelle staying home with their daughters. I guess I've been living in luxury all these years. Staying at home is a choice plain and simple and it's not about income it's about priorities. I understand that single parents don't have a choice but two parent homes do. We could have had more things if I had chosen to work. I buy second hand most of the time. We buy older cars and run them until they die. We have a small modest home and *gasp* our kids had/have to share rooms. I clip coupons and bargain hunt and love garage sales. I have to stretch my husbands income. I wouldn't give up the years I had with my kids for the best job with the highest salary in the world. You learn the difference between necessities and wants very fast. No matter what your income level is, it can be done if you are determined to do it. It's all about priorities.

  13. I was in TOTAL agreement with your entire post, until the last line. I am actually a teacher. While it is true I work (outside the home) until 3:00 every day, I am a mother to my son as well. And I'd like to think a good one. Not perfect, of course, but good. I love my son and my family as much as you love yours. I do not REALLY know you, but from what I have seen on this blog, you are a wonderful and dedicated mother and wife. I think that home-schooling mothers are to be commended, and certainly think that you have the more difficult job. I do not disagree with that. I did, however, want to defend my stance as well. I love my child, and am a good mother to him, even though I work in a school. I will not engage in an ongoing conversation within this comment section. I am not one of the "haters" looking for confrontation. I read your blog b/c it is very well written and I enjoy seeing the sweet pictures of your children and love reading your recipes etc. I simply wanted to share my thoughts on this post...

  14. I could not care less about Ann Romney personally. Both her and her whole family and in a weird cult - that alone will ensure her kids all turn out weird, stay at home or not.

    Whether or not she had maids/nannies/help around the house is equally beside the point - many managers and CEOs have people doing most of the work for them, yet nobody would argue that they do not work.

    I do not think, nor did I say, that working moms are not mothers. I said that if one can make the claim that SAHM don't work, equally that would mean that working mothers are not mothers.

    For me, staying home with the kids has been BY FAR the most challenging job I have ever had, and there have been many. My professional career started early and was very successful, but nothing even came close to being as challenging as taking care of children and homeschooling them. Going to work at a job during the day would seem like taking a break, what with scheduled lunch breaks, and being able to go to the bathroom whenever I wanted to!!

  15. Zsuzsanna,

    I enjoy reading your blog even though I do not always agree with your views on things. However I must admit that for me personally I can attest to the fact that working a full time job was much easier than what I now (and for the past few years) do which is stay at home with the children and also home school them. Also my sister is a public school teacher and she said during her maternity leave that it was easier to be at work at the school in lots of ways. So I think it is plain silly when people assume that stay at home moms do not "work". I did not like working away from home even though it was easier. I am so, so thankful to be able to stay home with the children now. I know what it is like to not have a choice and it is no fun to sit at a desk all day and miss your little ones and that is exactly what I did. I missed home. Home is hard work but there is no where I would rather be.

  16. It seems to me that you get riled very easily about some comment you hear on tv. I raised my children as a single parent, after being widowed. The guilt from leaving them each day scarred me for life, but I had no choice. So, why would I care about anyone's opinion? I, too, got up in the middle of the night with sick kids. Some days I would go to work without ever sleeping for one minute. Somehow, my beautiful daughters grew up into lovely women that love Jesus more then anything in life. We all do the best we can to raise our children, but sometimes life's circumstance get in the way. You should be secure in your choices concerning your children. You're doing a great job and it shows on their beautiful faces.

  17. I do both. I work part time, but I work only about eight shifts a month. The days my husband is not with our three children, my mother in law is. The case for being a stay at home mom is a strong one. But I know in my heart, with all my being, that God has called my to my other job as well.

    I am a nurse on a surgical floor, and any given "good day" at work is still harder than my worst day at home. Most days are almost unbearable, and I leave physically and mentally exhausted. But I am almost always emotionally and spiritually uplifted. Once, years ago, I was driving home after a 16 hour shift where I hadn't been able to even go to the bathroom, let alone eat, as the hospital was in a patient overload crisis. I pulled over the car as I was sobbing so hard from the stress of the day, and prayed. I told God I couldn't do this anymore, and that if He wanted me to continue, to please love and care for these patients through me. And He has. Every shift since, I pray that He will work through me. Bringing joy and love and caring and hard-learned skills to these people that are sick and dying is every bit as important in my life as being a mother. At home, I raise new little lives. At work, I save and care for lives. God loves my children, but He also loves my patients.

    And I for one, am very humbled and feel very blessed that God had two such important jobs for me to do, as a mother and a nurse. No matter how the debate rages over which is right, working mom or SAHM, this is just how I feel about my own life, and what I feel His plan for me has been.

  18. I'm superwoman - I do it all!

  19. I tell you what, I'm a Democrat and a liberal and I'll throw you right under the bus, back it up, and run you over if you say something like "never worked a day in her life". Those are fightin' words. You know what's weird? That lady has TWINS who said that. She must have had a psychotic break from reality or she never took care of her own kids.

  20. QUOTE: "I could not care less about Ann Romney personally. Both her and her whole family and in a weird cult - that alone will ensure her kids all turn out weird, stay at home or not."

    Zsuzsanna, as much as I respect you and enjoy reading your blog, I think that your above comment was very unfeeling and disrespectful. I know you did not mean it that way, but the way it was phrased made it sound like you don't have love in your heart for people like Ann. I agree that Mormonism is a cult, but must we stereotype these deceived people as "weird" and make such blanket statements as "that alone will ensure her kids all turn out weird"? I lovingly request you to be carefully Christlike.

    Thank you for the thoughtful post. I agree with many of the points you've made here. Please feel free not to publish this comment, and accept it as a personal note.

    Thank you!
    In Christ,
    Rhianna Deeprose

  21. I really don't know why anybody, including you, is getting up in arms about this. Hilary Rosen wasn't politically correct in what she said, but she was completely correct in speaking about Ann Romney. It wasn't an indictment of all stay at home moms. I'm in full agreement with what "Short (dis)Order Cook" said in her comment.

    I have been both a stay-at-home mom (with a nanny, which Ann Romney had as well, plus more help), and I have worked outside of the house. There is no comparison - working outside of the house is MUCH harder as I end up having 2 jobs to do. Now, if one doesn't have help at home and does everything, like you do, then I would guess it would be extremely tiring/difficult, though I know you also find it very rewarding.

    But, no, Ann Romney and women like her (there aren't all that many, frankly) haven't "worked a day in their lives." You have, I have, but she hasn't. I think that's all the comment was trying to say.

  22. I think the real question is what is considered "work". I have worked outside the home and paid lots of income taxes. I've also worked as a volunteer and paid no income taxes. Society views "work" as something you do and they get a reward for (taxes). I would imagine that there is a lot of work involved in being the mom of 5 and having MS and cancer. I also imagine the cost of being the mom of 5 and having MS and cancer requires lots of money. No matter any of that the woman contributed to society by seeing to it that her children were well cared for and became productive, contributing members of society themselves. What's the difference between having a nanny raise your kids and letting a daycare raise your kids. At least they were in their own home with their mother available to them whenever they needed or wanted.

  23. But, Zsuzsanna, no one said that SAHM don't work. All someone said was that Anne Romney has never worked a day in her life, and then the spin machine kicked-in. Anne probably has done some work (and she has the right to say so), but the claim you're refuting was never made by anyone.

    Mitt Romney also wanted to raise the work requirement for mothers on welfare. I know that welfare is a contentious issue, but Mitt wasn't raising the work requirement for the mothers on it because Massachusetts couldn't afford it or because he was opposed to welfare at all.

    He wanted to raise the work requirement for welfare moms knowing that it would cost the state MORE money because those kids would have to be put in daycare specifically so mothers could "know the dignity of work" and bring home a paycheck.

    Romney only thinks being a SAHM is a dignified option for rich women like Anne.

  24. Ref:"Elizabeth said...
    I'm definitely not supporting Romney for president, but I enjoyed reading Ann Romney's retort via Twitter"

    I'm not a fan of Romney either but a vote for the alternative is a vote for the destruction of America. If the current guy gets re-elected you can kiss your red, white, and blue banner of freedom will be replaced by the blue rag og the United Nations and you will no longer have the right to vote.
    Just a few of the areas that you need to get educated on are:
    Agenda 21...the UN will control how and where you live and private property will no longer exist.

    The Law Of The Sea Treaty (LOST): signed by Bill Clinton in the early 90's but never ratified but both George Bush and Obama have passed Exectutive Orders circumnavigating the ratification process...(i.e. Obama's passing of the water-ways act took away all private ownership of water rights).
    Once all subsections of LOST are enacted either by ratification or Exective Order then this country will come under the jurisdiction of the UN (see subsection G of LOST)

    Thanks for your time, Norm

  25. Oh my word! Did someone up there actually complain because women on welfare are expected to work in exchange for welfare? There is a difference between being a stay at home mom and being a welfare mom. My husband supports the family as opposed to the state supporting it. Doesn't matter if the state can afford it or not. Wow...just wow.

  26. Many woman have done both.... Yes. As a Christian if we are working out of the home are we really being "keepers at home"? I find it funny when Christian women talk about how they can do both, because I really don't see the justification:-)
    That is just how I see the Word of God, it is black and white (with red;-)) to me.
    Sad that this generation doesn't even know how to be Mothers AKA SAHM because many mothers did not follow the basic Bible principle of teaching the younger women. They were too busy being working moms to train their daughters and the next generation how to stay home.


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