Thursday, May 27, 2010

Severe morning sickness

The term "morning sickness" is a real misnomer. True morning sickness can strike any time of day, or rather, often lasts all day and night. If you find yourself sick only upon waking, you may just need to eat a larger meal with more protein before bed to keep your stomach fuller while sleeping, or eat a small, easy snack any time you wake up during the night (like almonds, cheese, etc.).

I have had severe morning sickness with every single pregnancy except one. By severe, I mean non-stop nausea, and throwing up more than a dozen of times every day. It feels just like food poisoning, except that it lasts for months instead of hours or days. I figure that to date, I have spend almost 2 years of my life dealing with severe morning sickness. This condition is called "hyperemesis gravidarum", and trying to explain it someone who has never experienced it is hard if not impossible.

The nausea is all-encompassing. There is not one second any given day that I do not feel like I am going to throw up immediately, and many times, that is exactly what I am doing. There is a permanent taste in my mouth that is a disgusting mixture of vinegar and metal. I may think I am craving a certain food, go through the trouble of fixing it in hopes it will stay down, only to take one bite and realize it tastes like - vinegar and metal.

Then there are the insane amounts of mucous and saliva that my out-of-whack pregnancy hormones make me produce. This is another throwing up-trigger. Plus, throwing up when my throat is coated in mucous has the unpleasant side effect that I will for hours afterward taste and smell the stomach acid and vomit residues that inevitably stay behind. It does not cancel out the vinegar and metal taste, however.

Are you grossed out yet? I know I am. This has been my daily, hourly, every-second reality for the past six weeks, and there seems to be no relief in sight. In the past, I always got completely better by about 14 to 16 weeks pregnancy, and I am just past 12 weeks right now. It is hard to imagine I will ever in my life feel normal again, but that's what has always happened in the past, so I'm hopeful.

All my senses are on hyper-stimulation mode. If I smell or taste any food, if I hear a loud/sudden/rhythmic noise, if I see busy patterns/flashing/bright lights, or if anyone touches me, I get sicker. Some examples of everyday situations that put me over the edge include: getting ads in the paper for fast food/pizza, smelling any personal care products on other people (soap, shampoo, perfume), my kids chattering excitedly, changing dirty diapers, cooking any food, people suggesting or discussing various foods, not getting tons and tons of sleep (as in, 12 hours per 24 hour period), my husband or kids touching or trying to kiss me, going from lying down to sitting to standing, and vice versa, going to a grocery store and seeing food products, heat (and we are approaching 100 degrees every day here in Phoenix), showering (the heat and humidity are just too much), sudden screaming and crying, a door slamming, a busy pattern on a tie, talking on the phone, kids walking in and out through the back door repeatedly, the vibrations of the floor from rambunctious boys running around, and literally another 100 everyday situations. In a perfect world, I would never leave my bedroom, much less the house, but that is obviously not an option.

One major challenge has been that I cannot under any circumstances drink more than 3 sips of fluids at any given time. Yesterday morning, I took Solomon to a music lesson and afterward drank a half cup of water in one sitting, just because I was so thirsty. I hardly made it back to the van before violently throwing up not only all the water, but also my breakfast. Yes, I keep a trash can in the van for occasions such as this, which occur pretty much on any given day that I leave the house. Of course, such limited fluid intake will quickly lead to dehydration, which further aggravates the morning sickness. I have tried to stay ahead of that by taking many small sips, but even at that, I am probably getting no more than 2 cups of water in per day right now. When I am not pregnant, 12 cups per day is nothing for me. I have tried to offset this by eating lots of melons and grapes, something I am always craving when pregnant. I also try to eat lots of soups. I tend to get kidney infections easily when I am pregnant, and drinking so little does nothing to help avert those.

Severe nausea like this has been compared by those who have experience both to the nausea typically associated with chemo therapy. I am glad that I am sick because me and baby are healthy, and not because I am battling for my life. Still, such nausea has repercussions on every area of life, physical, emotional, financial, and otherwise.

Physical, because my throat feels like someone took a knife to the inside of it, a result of all the stomach acid going where it was never meant to. I'm sure I'll need a couple more fillings in my teeth when all is said and done. Emotional, because this is the hardest, most discouraging, and most depressing thing I ever go through in life. Which, honestly, isn't that bad compared to much worse things I could be going through that others face, so I'm not complaining here. Financial, because I spend much more than I usually would on food and other convenience items such as paper plates and cups. Not only does most of what I eat end up in the toilet, only for me to have to consume yet another meal, but I can usually also only tolerate to eat everything once. If I throw it up, I can never ever eat it again, so there is a constant need to get new foods I am craving (the only hope of it staying down). Plus, I neither have time to cook nor shop the sales right now.

There are many mornings when I wake up, and cry because I cannot possibly face another day of sickness and being completely out of commission. Then the kids wake up and excitedly climb onto my bed, the jiggling from which makes my stomach turn right there and then. From then on, the day becomes one giant act of trying to maintain as normal a life as possible. Thankfully, the older kids are very understanding, and when the girls take their nap they will play or read silently while I also lie down. Tonight, Solomon hung and folded a couple of loads of laundry for me, and straightened up my bedroom. Isaac has been very good about taking care of the dog and the other outside chores, such as watering our vegetables. John is great about playing with the girls and keeping them busy if I have to lie down unexpectedly, and he also writes me the sweetest and most encouraging notes.

I know this post must sound like one big giant whine, but the nausea is a small price to pay for the wonderful blessing that children are. I am hoping that someone else who suffers from debilitating morning sickness may feel encouraged that they are not the only ones going through this, that it is worth it, and that it will end.

I have blogged before on dealing with severe morning sickness. Today, I also happened across a blog called The Whining Puker, that has some great info, encouragement, and links on this topic.

In the end, I just try to focus on keeping a positive attitude. Cuddling my little girls reminds me of why it is that I am feeling sick - I am growing another human being at breakneck speed.

I am also very grateful for how caring, understanding, and helpful the boys are. My husband has been very understanding, encouraging, and helpful during this time, as he always is. Several ladies from church have come over pretty much every week to help me with the chores that I simply cannot keep up with these days. I do tend to feel slightly better in the evenings after the kids are in bed and things quiet down, which gives me a chance to catch up on a couple of critical chores and make myself a large meal before bed.

This, too, shall pass. If you are so inclined, please pray for me to get over this very, very soon.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Caesar Salad Dressing

This is the recipe for my favorite homemade creamy Caesar salad dressing. This recipe makes a lot, so you may want to only make half or even quarter of it, as it tastes best fresh.

1 cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 clove of garlic, minced
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1 tbsp milk or half and half

Mix all ingredients together until well blended.

For younger kids, you can "turn down the heat" by using less garlic. Personally, we prefer more of it.