Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Gender Wars are Over

Confidential Memo

To: All Men

Re: Operation “Feminist Movement”

Men, our long twilight struggle with the opposite sex is over. Our victory is total.

Can you believe the way things used to be? Remember when our fathers and grandfathers would drag themselves to mind-numbing jobs every day, having the sole responsibility for the feeding, clothing, and housing of their entire family?

And things were no easier before marriage, when men’s quest for sexual satisfaction was all too often hampered by the widespread moral code which taught women not to give out the “milk” for “free.”

Well, that state of affairs just wouldn’t do. So we men came together and did what we do best — formulate and implement a plan. First step, design the perfect world, the perfect male world. We decided such a world would consist of two things: less responsibility and more — and no-strings — sex.

Brothers, have we succeeded.

The amazing thing, really, is how easy it was, how fast the old world of obligation and responsibility dissolved. The first, crucial step, of course, was convincing women that they had it bad, that our jobs were “intellectually stimulating” and not the soul-crushing monotony that they in fact were.

It worked, and soon women were clamoring to join us on the job. It seems never to have occurred to them that we could have so easily prevented them from doing so — and yet we didn’t. We sidestepped without much fuss, actually, which had to have constituted the largest voluntary abdication of power in history. This alone should have tipped them off that something was amiss.

Right away, women at work began to solve our problems. First, men and women interacting more frequently inevitably led to hanky-panky, which led to the breakup of families, which led to less responsibility for us.

But that was only a start. To really fix things, we had to root out that old bourgeoisie mentality that had in previous times kept girls frustratingly modest and chaste. And what better way to do that than to convince women that the most reckless elements of our sexuality — the promiscuity — were in fact the correct behaviors, which had to be imitated in order for them to be “liberated”?

Amazingly, they bought that, too.

Unfortunately, our sister selves are less suited to such behavior, which can cause painful and lasting tears in the feminine soul. But no matter — we were also able to convince them that there was no such thing as a “feminine” soul, any more than there is a “masculine” soul, and that both sexes are equally suited to all things.

(Many of you said that women would never buy this, that the accumulated history of our species speaks to the deep and abiding difference between the sexes, a difference which has benefited both sides from time immemorial. But I was sanguine about our ruse — have I not been vindicated?)

Men, “Operation Feminist Movement” has worked, and more swiftly and completely than many of you thought possible. Mere decades ago, we spent endless hours and countless dollars before marriage courting and wooing; after marriage, we shouldered the entire financial burden for our families.

Now, after marriage, women can be expected to pay for half of everything, which is to the good, because video games are expensive. But, as more and more of you are discovering, why bother with marriage at all anymore? You can stay up all night, hang with your buds all the time, secure in the knowledge that on any given night you can be sure to find a willing woman, a woman who has likely been taught, conditioned even (by other women!) to expect nothing from you in return — and that this is a good thing.

Is it any wonder that, according to recent research, women these days are “becoming less happy relative to men” across all age, income, and marital levels? No, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, although the unhappiness of the modern woman seems to be taking many of them by surprise. After all, don’t they “have it all”?

No — it is men who now have it all.

Congratulations, brothers. Our day is at last at hand, a day of no responsibility and easy mating access as far as the eye can see. Best of all, women are convinced that they have done this themselves, and for their own good.

Sure, there are downsides. Civilization has now entered into free fall; those masterpieces of art and science and literature, for which men have been almost exclusively responsible, have ceased to issue forth from our minds and hands — and is it any wonder? Such pyrotechnics are no longer necessary to impress women, which, really, was the only reason we bothered. High culture seems a small price to pay, though, for the loosening of morals and duties which has brought our present Sex and the City-fueled bounty.

So sit back, men, and enjoy the slide. It’s Miller time.

14 comments:

  1. Wow! That is awesome! Did you write that yourself? I am very impressed! :)This is so true, I have always thought that "liberated" women ruined it for the rest of us, talk about deception! And a sad thought, there are still many being deceived and it is only getting worse:(

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  2. 'it seems never to have occurred to them that we could have so easily prevented them from doing so — and yet we didn’t. We sidestepped without much fuss, actually, which had to have constituted the largest voluntary abdication of power in history. This alone should have tipped them off that something was amiss.'

    The struggle for equality was in no way easy and without 'fuss'.

    Feminism is about equal treatment it does not lead to lazy men or loose women. These characteristics are not new-something which the bible does say.

    If you don't respect the rights that women have fought for then please don't take part in any.

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  3. I actually like my job, and if I didn't work I wouldn't have money at all, since I'm single.

    I like being able to buy nice things without having to answer to some guy- I have over 1000 DVDs, several video game systems and games to go with them, nice clothes and furniture, two computers (although one is for work-related use), and all the high-quality food I want. I don't have to support any man, and no man has to support me. I can take care of myself.

    I may have mentioned this before, but my mother committed suicide when I was two years old. According to my father, her suicide note said that after my birth and her subsequent resignation from her job that she felt trapped, like she was never going to have a moment to herself again.

    Growing up, my great-grandmother was my mother figure. She pretty much raised me, and her own experience was fueled by her own abusive marriage. She taught me that giving in and marrying was basically suicide, and she warned me that if I ever did, it was only a matter of time before I took my own life too.

    I do not wish to end up like my mother. Life is difficult, but I do not want to end it all because I made the mistake of signing over control of my life. With the way things are now, I might not be perfectly happy, but at least I'm not dead. I don't know what to think anymore, though. My friends are at the age where they're getting married, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want my life to fall apart.

    I don't even know why I'm typing this. Maybe because your post was so antithetical to everything I was taught.

    But anyway, that's that. I know you're very happy with your family, and that's great for you.

    Happy Easter, by the way. :)

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  4. I love my job! I get to work with some of the smartest, most creative people in the world. Every day, there's something new I can learn, and something I can pass on to inspire other people. My employer kindly donates my time to local schools so I can tell them about the cool things I get to do and teach the kids a bit about compting.

    My coworkers are great, we like to hang out after work and play board games. I am learning a fourth language from some of my international coworkers. I must be missing out on the oppression though, none of use have ruined any marriages yet, even with our rampant cross-gender socialization. Next month, another company is flying me overseas to tinker with its robots.

    If this is unhappiness and deceit, I'll take it over the alternative :)

    P.S. I think responsibility is a great (but sorely lacking) trait in both genders.

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  5. It is so unbelievably refreshing to read the words of an enlightened woman.

    Zsuzsanna, I would love to discuss two points with you.

    1) The fact that society has used fear of "losing control" to entice women into using the escape hatch of work -- where they give up ALL control to their bosses, their boss's bosses, and so on up the corporate ladder.

    Total strangers who don't know them or care about them. But it's "okay" because they receive money in return, right?

    Whereas "love" isn't enough of a reason to sacrifice for a man, to compromise, and to invest in a bright future together.

    Instead of teaching women how to live with a man and use her wits, charm, and God-given talents to enable and help her man, schools and corporations tell women that it's impossible to be happy in a relationship. Then they offer them the false security of a lifetime job as a drone.

    So many of my former classmates go crazy bearing the burden of the world on their shoulders, being ultra-productive and oh-so-admirable...except when they go home at night alone. And wake up alone. And shop for groceries alone. Nobody envies them then.

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  6. 2) Although you address all men in your memo, I'd like to point out that it's not all men...it's the super-rich men. In essence, what I call Satan's boy-b*tches. Excuse the profanity. I have yet to think of a better name. And it just suits so well. =P

    I work in career counseling, and I have met so many men who are absolutely miserable because they do not have work. They are incomplete. They drink alcohol or smoke marijuana daily because they cannot stand the monotony of their unproductive lives. But they derive no joy from it.

    And it's not because they don't try to find work. It's because nobody will hire them!

    Because all the jobs available are designed for women...who are submissive, obedient, super productive, and will work like dogs for little pay and no recognition.

    Why hire a man, whom God designed to protect his family, stand up for what is right and against wrong, and to be physically active and strong?

    Men don't like being penned in all day. They don't like working like robots. It crushes their souls. They feel the wrongness of being treated like slaves instinctively.

    So money and resources must be spent in paying men with whips to stand over them and make them keep working.

    But females will bear anything for their man...

    I see the villain not as men in general, but as the super-rich. They have stolen women from men.

    I see it as deliberately using the "divide and conquer" method. Separating men from women, children from parents...

    And although women are much more promiscuous, I can tell you that it isn't the average, hard-working middle-class man who is reaping the benefits. The nice guys aren't getting zip.

    It is the fancy suit-wearing, luxury car-driving, big-talking junior executive who is defiling America's daughters left and right. What a coincidence, ey?

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  7. 'They feel the wrongness of being treated like slaves instinctively.'
    'Women...who are submissive, obedient, super productive, and will work like dogs for little pay and no recognition.'
    'But females will bear anything for their man...'

    1) Slave implies being forced to work, generally while imprisoned, while receiving no pay. Any person, of either gender, who considers modern jobs - which are optional, provide at least minimum wage and in many cases health benefits - akin to slave labor is either lazy or has no true concept of the term 'slave'.

    2) While the perspective that women should remain in the home to help their family, and should agree to be guided by her husband is valid this does not mean that women share the attributes so beloved in a family dog.

    3) Shouldn't a man bear anything for his wife? Including soul-crushing drone-labor?

    Above all the issue I have with your comment is the extreme separation you place between men and women. I agree that men and women are not equal, especially in the modern feminist approach, but your comment goes so far as to, in my reading of it; characterize women as a different and lower life form.

    The woman is the dog-like worker who doesn't have her husband's 'instinctive' sense to not work in a modern job? The woman's soul isn't as severely affected by the 'drone labor'?

    While your overall argument, that the rich are prospering by separating women from their families by encouraging them to work, and thus causing a moral degradation in America, does come across, the blatant disrespect for women, the partners God created for men, disgusts me.

    You may not think women are equal to men, especially in the modernist view, but that doesn’t mean you should disrespect them.

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  8. Have you thought about moving to Saudi Arabia? Your view of gender rules does match the Arabian Peninsula system of gender code.

    I am really interested to know how you distinguish your value system from fundamentalist Islam.

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  9. Your last paragraph is truly disconcerting. If you had an ounce of education you would know that the reason women did not excel in arts, science, and literature was because they were not allowed to. Once the doors were opened to them, women have flourished in these departments. Some of the greatest literature has been written by women. Have you not read Jane Eyre? Wuthering Heights? Little Women? Frankenstein? Literature is one field in which neither men nor women surpass the other, and I think it is absurd and disrespectful to women as a whole to say that they simply can't do anything but raise children properly.

    I know many submissive, stay at home moms who homeschool their children. Many of them work small jobs at home to supplement their husband's income. These jobs are all creative, from sewing to creating things on Etsy to even selling BOOKS that they have written. To say that women cannot perform in the arts or literature is simply asinine.

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  10. Your post is flawed from the start. If you knew more about the history of the United States you would know this. Women went into the work force because they 'HAD' to. Their men were away at war and there had to be people to work the factories. As someone else mentioned and I think you addressed it on another post is that there were promiscuous women in biblical times as well. And men that were led into temptation. This isn't anything new sister. My comment is not meant to be hateful or judgmental. Only God can judge.

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  11. I have read your entire blog. I have mono, stumbled upon it, and read it in a mix of amazement, amusement, and confusion. However since I do identify as a feminist, I will not nor can I criticize the life that you have chosen. Feminism is at its heart the proclamation that men and women are created equally and deserve equal treatment and opportunities. There are many women who want to remain at home and care for their children. Feminism grants them this right. There are also women who desire to work and feminism also grants them this right. My Mother home schooled us and that was the life that she chose for herself. I grew up watching her serve us. And she was happy. But, she taught me that I could be or do anything. She taught me that God gifted me with great talents and my job was to discover and follow the plan he had for my life. Unlike my Mother, I work. I am a neonatal nurse practitioner. I work and help the sickest and most vulnerable ones in our society: babies on the verge of death. I know that I have walked the right path. And I believe that you have followed the right path, that you have discovered your divine calling. But, why do you mock and hurt your sisters? You post makes it seem like men handed us over our rights. This is not true. Women were beaten and arrested for trying to cast a vote. They were imprisoned. They had no rights on a legal level. They had no legal rights over their children. They were kicked out of there homes and were forced into unhappy marriages. You seem to worship a period that accepted and promoted legalized rape. (arranged marriages are a form of rape) feminism has granted women in America to be viewed and act like humans instead of animals which is how we were treated for a very, very long time. My little girl is going to be raised in such a way that she will know that she can do anything that her brother does. She will know that she is different because she is female, but that difference gives her a dignity and grace, and it will never, never, never limit her. I hope that you will not limit your girls. I hope that they will all ways know that if they want to be doctors, they can be doctors. If they want to teach, they can teach. If they want to run a huge company, they can. And if they want to stay home and be a mother, that they can do that as well. God Bless.

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  12. "those masterpieces of art and science and literature, for which men have been almost exclusively responsible, have ceased to issue forth from our minds and hands"

    Yeah. Humankind has definitely made NO advancements in science since the advent of the feminist movement.
    That's why we have smartphones, computers, are planning to land on mars, etc. Because we have been making zero scientific advancements.
    ^That was sarcasm. We're progressing in the sciences at a faster rate now than ever before in history.

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  13. madame curie,not a woman we should or could want our daughters to aspir eo?

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