Monday, March 23, 2009

My Dad

My Dad, who lives in Hungary, came for a visit and stayed with us for almost three weeks. He just left last week. We had a wonderful time with him. He is the nicest guy in the world, and because he still has children at home himself, he didn't mind the noise and chaos that sometimes prevails in our house.

While he was here, he cooked all our meals. Imagine not having to cook once in weeks! Not only did it save me a lot of time, but it also tasted great. I was raised in Hungary myself as a child and really miss the food there.

It was nice for our kids to get to spend time with their grandpa, whom they had only met a couple of times because of the fact that we live on different continents. They all miss him and can't wait for him to visit again.

I thought it was remarkable that while my Dad was in town, he came to all the services at our church in spite of the fact that he does not speak English at all. While the rest of my family has labeled us a "cult" for believing the Bible, my Dad really enjoyed meeting everyone at our church.

I would have to say that my Dad is the single most important reason why I turned out normal in spite of my often strange upbringing. My mother divorced my Dad when I was about 6 years old. After the divorce, my mother remarried and moved to West Germany, which made it very hard for my Dad to have any contact with us. We were made to feel bad for talking about him (much less to him) and only saw him a handful of times for the next decade. We weren't explicitly forbidden to refer to him as "Dad", but we all knew that it was totally taboo, so instead we called him "the old one", meaning the old dad since we were forced to call my mother's new husband "Dad". Thankfully, as an adult, I have been able to shake this abusive pretend-play. After I moved out from home, I took up contact with my Dad of my own accord, and have had a wonderful relationship with him ever since. My Dad and I agree on just about anything.

Even though I cannot remember my mother even once telling me "I love you" (although I am guessing that maybe she did when I was little and I forgot), I never doubted that my Dad loved me because he made no secret of it. The first few years of my life had left an impression on me that could not be erased by a parent who was trying to pretend that my father didn't exist. A mother who told me she wished she had aborted me like she did two other children after me. A mother who has not spoken to me in over a year because she was outraged by us visiting my Dad in Hungary during our Europe vacation.

What goes around, comes around. My Dad had to wait for years and years to be allowed contact with us, but now it is him who gets to see our children grow up and be a part of our lives. Him and my husband are alike in many ways, in that they both have big hearts, love children, and are more than happy to put up with me.

Thank you, Dad, for visiting. You are the best! I love you!

By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter;
Hebrews 11:24

Instead of thy fathers shall be thy children, whom thou mayest make princes in all the earth.
Psalm 45:16


  1. I am so happy you had such a wonderful time with your dad coming to visit. So great that your kids get to know him. What a blessing!

  2. He sounds awesome!!!! How cool you have such a good relationship with him!
    So you have young siblings? How many?

  3. wow..sounds like a wonderful visit and a wonderful story. God has such an amazing plan in everything! Three weeks seems like it would be a long visit not knowing any English at all...are your husband and him able to communicate well? Or do you have to be right there to translate? Glad you had such a wonderful few weeks. Definetely a blessing!

  4. Your kids really resemble your dad!


  5. My dad has just reconnected with his two older children. This is the verse my sister says all the time: “...and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, ...” (KJV)

  6. Wow, that was not only touching but beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

  7. I'm glad for you and your dad reuniting successfully despite your divisive mom's alienation, many years, separate continents and thousands of miles! It encourages and gives hope for me and my daughter Sarah. My ex-fiancee' was awarded custody of our daughter and moved about 1000 miles away to your area (Arizona) almost five years ago. I drove there two times to visit for the holidays that year. My daughter's and my time together were disrupted because my ex called the police on me several times for no reason but spite. I haven't seen our daughter, who is now age seven, since then because her mother has never given or sent me their address and phone number. She never has allowed me much time and involvement with our daughter even before they moved. So I, as you are, a target of Parental Alienation (Syndrome), which is the suppressive pretend-play you mentioned in your blog about your childhood and dad.


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