Saturday, September 15, 2007

Don't ever have kids if you...

... like peace and quiet.
... do not want to trip on toys.
... never had ambitions to work in an insane asylum, as a referee, nurse, teacher, maid, cook, taxi driver, etc. - all at the same time.
... like a clean car.
... don't want little fingerprints on EVERY surface in the house.
... prefer a job with benefits, paid vacation, scheduled breaks and the option to quit.
... get queasy at the thought of bodily functions and fluids.
... enjoy shopping for expensive shoes.
... find the "new car smell" more appealing than the "new baby smell".
... like to have meaningful conversations with other adults.
... need to sleep at least 8 hours in any 24 hour period.
... prefer your clothes ironed.
... want to go on exotic vacations.
... eat at restaurants that don't even offer high chairs.
... think that "child rearing" is spelled S-u-n-d-a-y S-c-h-o-o-l, d-a-y-c-a-r-e, s-c-h-o-o-l, or T-V
... don't want to answer the question "Why?" several hundred times a day.
... don't think going to the grocery store with no kids in tow is the greatest outing in the world.
... only want to do a couple of loads of laundry per week.
... like to live in a model home.
... don't want to get used to doing everything with one hand, while holding a baby on your hip with the other hand.
... think that influencing other people's kids is a substitute for raising your own.
... hate diapers.
... want appreciation and praise.

In other words, don't ever have kids if your life's motto is "Me, me, me!"

However, you will miss out on ...

... sticky faces cuddling up to you.
... holding a little hand in yours.
... stick-figure drawings and sincere love notes.
... someone waiting at the front window for you to get home.
... waking up to find a baby curled up next to you.
... hearing "I love you" every day.
... the most important thing in life.

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." - John 12:24


  1. My favorite was the comparison of new car smell to new baby smell.

    That's a classic!

  2. Um. Sorry, but the second list is about you aswell. I see no difference. I mean you still talk about what makes YOU happy about your kid. :/ And I never get something. There are a lot of people who neglect and abuse their kids in some cases they kill them. I think we both can agree that this is way worse than, not having kids if you know that you will just neglect or hurt them, because you didn't want them in the first place. I see too many crappy parents. We don't need more.


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